


Unworthy

by The_Littlest_Raindrop



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Eventual Lemon, F/M, Reader Insert, Romance, Slow Burn, Will follow the events of the manga/brotherhood
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-07
Updated: 2019-01-05
Packaged: 2019-01-10 08:31:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 62,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12295326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Littlest_Raindrop/pseuds/The_Littlest_Raindrop
Summary: What if you were a survivor of The Ishvalan War Of Externination? What if you happened to be in the camp just outside of East City, at the same time as Scar and Yoki? What if you decided to follow the embittered former monk, in an attempt to calm his tumultuous soul?This is the story of your adventure through Amestris, travelling with a wanted fugitive.





	1. The Camp

**Author's Note:**

> Hey,
> 
> So this is something I've wanted to do for ages now, but I've been so busy with other things I've not that the chance to do it.
> 
> This story will follow the plot of the manga/brotherhood, but with a twist; you're now a part of the story. 
> 
> There will eventually be some sex, but that won't be until later on. For now, kindly enjoy some plot instead :)

The fierce sun pierces through your tent, waking you without sound. You rise slowly from your makeshift bed, unwilling to face the day ahead.

You've been living in a refugee camp for months now, another faceless victim of The Ishvalan War Of Extermination. You're lucky to have escape your homeland with your life; too many others cannot claim the same. The people in this camp are just like you, all homeless, hungry, and hopeless. You try your best to keep spirits high for the countless orphans who populate the camp, but it's so difficult that everyday has become a hardship. It breaks your heart to see your people like this, but there's nothing you can do to help them.

Well, almost nothing.

You've been acting as assistant to the camp's only medic, helping him patch up as many ill or wounded countrymen as you can. You've even had some Amestrians come to visit you lately, including a shifty-looking man with a moustache by the name of Yoki. He's going be trouble, you can feel it. He's the kind of man who'd sell his own mother if the price was right. 

You dress for the day ahead, putting on the cleanest shirt and trousers you can find. You've never really been one for skirts, finding them greatly impractical. You'd sooner risk looking like a man than getting the fabric of your skirt into an open wound. That could cause a severe infection! Trousers are most definitely the safest option. You pick up a jacket as well, as East City is far colder than your homeland. Oh how you'd love to return home to Ishval, and bask in the glory of the sun. Alas, that's all gone now… you shake your head, as if you're trying to shake out all the negative thoughts in your mind. You have to put on your happy face again, for the sake of the children.

For the sake of your latest patient, too.

You exit your tent, ready to face the world again. The slums are a hive of activity as always. Children are chasing each other around the tents, laughing gleefully at each other. There's a group of women all cooing over a pregnant lady, while her husband watches proudly. A small cluster of people are checking the food supplies, scarring their heads as they try to determine the fairest way to divide the meagre amount of food the camp has. Life is going on all around you, the same way it always has. It's remarkable that people can still go on like this. It's enough to give you hope.

You head over to the healer's tent, eager to check on your patient. He is actually your patient now; the healer has tended to his wounds well enough to let you nurse him back to heath on your own. It's rather nice, actually having a patient of your own. It makes you feel important, like someone actually needs you. That, and your patient is a very handsome man, although the healer doesn't need to know that. 

You reach the tent, and pull back the curtain, smiling as you see your patient; he's sat up in bed, with a weight in one of his hands. He's in remarkably good shape, especially those arms of his. He looks like he could lift up every member of the camp! You'd like him to start with you… 

You push away those thoughts; you have to put on your healer's assistant hat. He looks up at you, finally realising that he has a visitor. Before he can speak, you cut him off with your own words. 'I see your arm is getting stronger.' He looks at it, and for a split second you swear you see a smile on his lips. 

'It's considerably better than I was. You have my thanks.' You blush slightly, his words taking you by surprise. You end up looking to his red eyes, trying hard not to focus on the scarred face to which they belong. He has a very intense gaze, one that's filled with anger. It's a look that contradicts his words, leading you to think that his soul may be even more scarred than his face.

Actually, you're sure of that, given that he's a murderer.

Despite what some people might say, you're far from stupid; his appearance perfect matches the Amestrian's description of a man killing off State Alchemists. At first you'd been apprehensive about treating him, before remembering your personal vow to help your fellow countrymen whenever they need it. 

He'd been unconscious for the first few days, and for a while you'd been concerned that he'd never wake up. When he finally did, the relief was palpable. He'd looked around the tent, before asking you where he was. You'd explained that he'd been found floating in a river by some of the refugees, before being taken here. You'd told him straight away that you knew who he was, but told him that no one here would report him to the authorities. He'd seemed equally relieved and surprised after you'd told him that, before you reminded him that all Ishvalans are like family to each other. Before he'd had a chance to respond, you'd left the tent, looking for more supplies.

You've become almost friendly with him at this point, actually enjoying his company. Well, enjoying it when he's not taking about revenge all the time. You'll be sad when he inevitably decides to move on, seeking vengeance again. You almost wish you had the guts to go with him, but you know your place is here in the slums. Maybe you could convince him to give up his mad quest for vengeance? No, he wouldn't listen. He's too far gone. He won't stop now until he is physically stopped.

It almost makes you cry, thinking about his doomed future.

He looks at you, confusion on this face. It occurs to you that you've been so busy reminiscing, you've neglected to do anything other than stare at him for a good few minutes. You cough loudly, trying to cover up your embarrassment. You should probably say something to him.

'It's really the healer you should be thanking. I haven't actually done much.' You drop your eyes, the ground suddenly becoming very interesting. He notices your reluctance to look at him, but speaks anyway.

'You've still been very helpful. If there's any way I can repay you, you have but to ask.' You're about to tell him that you don't want anything in return for helping, someone else enters the tent.

'Sorry for interrupting, but the patient has a visitor.' A visitor? For your patient? Who could that be? You open up the tent again, revealing an elderly man in traditional Ishvalan clothing; a priest maybe? You bid your patient a quick farewell, assuming that he'll want to speak to his visitor in private. You decide to grab your ration for the day, feeling rather hungry all of a sudden. 

As you make your way towards the food tent, you see something that sets you on edge; two Amestrian guards, speaking to Yoki. You watch on as Yoki points them towards the healer's tent; that little rat has sold out your patient! You try you best to intervene, reaching them just before they reach the tent.

'Can I help you two gentlemen with anything?' You say, trying to hide your fear. With any luck, the patient will hear your conversation, and slip out of the tent at the back, finding somewhere else to hide.

The two men sneer at you. 'We know full well that's you're hiding a fugitive in there. Step aside, or face the consequences.' One of them tries to shove you to the side, but you stand firm, refusing to be bullied by them. Amestris has taken much from you, but your tenacity remains.

'The only people in there are an old man and a patient of mine, so I suggest you back off. We don't have who you're looking for!' The guards look taken aback, clearly expecting you to back down. Then one of them smiles, before grabbing you and throwing you onto the ground behind them. They walk over to you, before spitting on you. 

One of the men speaks to you. 'You Ishvalans should really learn your place in the world.' You're about to speak back, when the tent opens behind them; your patient is out of bed, and standing tall. 

'Leave these people alone. That includes her.' As grateful as you are for his intervention, you can help but worry where it's going to lead. Will they fight? Is he strong enough? Or will they drag him back to Central in chains, to await execution? 

The two men turn their backs on you, slowly approaching him. 'Well, well. It looks like Yoki was right after all.' The refugees watching the skirmish all start hurling verbal abuse at the ratty-looking man, who looks somewhat pleased with himself; you only hope the reward money is worth the price of betraying the people who have cared for you.

Your patient tries to walk away, but the two guards won't let him. A fight breaks out, and you watch as he kills them using only one arm. He sets his sights on Yoki, who begs for his life like a coward. Scar spares him, before making to leave the refugee camp for good. Yoki follows after him like a lost puppy, and you continue to sit on the floor. You watch as they walk away, too scared to chase after them. That is, until your patient's visitor helps you to your feet. You thank him, an he says something to you that ends up changing the course of your life forever.

'Go after him. He needs guidance, and I think you could be the one to give it to him.' 

You'd like to be able to ask why a complete stranger would think that, but you don't have time; not with the two men rapidly fading away into the distance. You thank the old man again before giving chase, desperate to catch up to them.

You manage to make it to them in record time, breathlessly announcing that you'll be joining them wherever it is they're going. Yoki smiles lecherously at you, before your patient silences him with a look. 

He continues walking, and you follow in silence, taking one last look at the refugee camp. It feels like you're abandoning them, heading off with two men you barely know. Then again, hadn't you just been thinking about how hard life was in the camp? How hopeless? Maybe things will be different on the road. 

The camp eventually fades from view. Your new life as a fugitive's accomplice has now begun.


	2. Waggon Ride

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello,
> 
> Here be chapter two. Hope you enjoy :)

The journey to Central is a tiring one. Your now-former patient (whom the Amestrian's are calling Scar), is eager to pick up where he left off, exacting revenge on any and every State Alchemist he crosses paths with. His next target is apparently The Silver Alchemist, though how he plans to locate him when you get to Central is a mystery to you. Can he sniff out alchemists? You'd ask him, if he didn't seem so sullen. The long journey has evidentially affected his mood for the worse.

Yoki seems to be the target of his bad mood, falling victim to harsh comebacks and brutal shutdowns of his attempts at conversation. In fairness, you'd be pretty angry too if someone had sold you out like that. You're surprised Scar had even let him live. Then again, having a lackey who's completely terrified of you does come in handy. If Yoki wasn't here, either you or Scar would have to ride the horse, which isn't exactly your favourite mode of transportation. At least this way you don't have to deal with saddle sores, even if you do have to deal with Yoki.

You're currently curled up behind Scar in the waggon, trying to stop your body rubbing against him as you try to sleep. You've been trying for at least an hour now, but the bumpy road keeps jarring the waggon too much to make such a thing possible. Instead you decide to just stay where you are, listening to the two men grumble at each other. 

Yoki tries once again to make conversation. 'So, Mr Scar, when would you like to stop and make camp? I'm getting rather tired…' there's a tense silence, followed by Scar grunting lowly.

'Shut up and keep moving.' He growls, still in no mood for conversation. Yoki does have a point though, it'll be dark before too long. Scar could almost certainly do with some sleep right now. You'd like some too, on ground that doesn't bump and shake. Then again, it'll be hard to find somewhere secluded to rest this close to Central. Maybe there's an old barn…?

Not that it matters anyway. Scar has decided that you should keep moving, so that's what you'll do. Well, it's what Yoki will do. You'll just keep dozing out in the back. 

Yoki is irritated by Scar's refusal. 'Can I at least swap places with the woman? She's done nothing to help at all. Why am I the only one who does anything?' You hear Scar shift slightly, presumably moving into a position that allows him to see you. You can almost feel the intensity of his gaze, and decide to wriggle a little so he thinks that you're sleeping. You plan works, as you here him shift again just after you do your little wriggle.

'She's sleeping.' He says simply, clearly expecting Yoki to back down. 

He doesn't. 

Instead his voice grows louder and more irate. 'Well wake her up then! I'm too tired to go on!' His whinging is almost annoying enough to make you drop the pretence of sleep and swap places, saddle sore be damned. Scar answers his complains before you have to.

'Stop complaining and keep moving. She needs rest more than you do.' You hear Scar reach for something in his jacket. You hear a clacking sound, like two objects being pushed together. It sounds like walnut shells, but you can't be certain. 

Well, you could be certain if you opened your eyes and looked, but that's not going to happen. 

Yoki whimpers, Scar's tone finally enough to frighten him. He acts far too brazen for someone who should be grateful for his very existence. There's more silence, and the road finally starts to even out. You're almost about to fall asleep for real, until a menacing chuckle from Yoki puts your senses on high alert. What does he have to laugh at?

He chuckles a little as he talks. 'Oh I see, very clever Mr Scar. You're practically a genius. Making sure she's well-rested for tonight, are you sir? I bet you have quite the evening planned, don't you? You're trying to work me until I collapse so I'll sleep through your *ehem* 'evening entertainment.' Honestly, there's not need to work me that hard, sir. I'll gladly leave the two of you alone for an hour of so if you want. I could find food while I wait. I imagine you're going to work up quite an appetite…' your blood runs cold; is that the reason Scar allowed you to tag along? 

You hear a very loud crunch, presumably coming from whatever Scar is holding. You can feel anger coming off him in waves, a aura of rage so potent it almost makes you feel ill. Yoki makes a cowering noise, acutely aware that he's gone too far. Now would be a good time to 'wake up' and defuse the situation, but you find yourself paralysed with fear. It feels like Scar is going to kill him!

His response sounds low and dangerous, his words grinding together like the nuts in his hand. 'Do I seem like the kind of man who'd do something like that? Use a woman for some base purpose? My only goal is vengeance. I have no interest in such things.' That's… a relief? Or is it? It being used for sex is great, but if Scar has no interest in 'such things', does that make your crush one-sided? Well, clearly it does, but still. That's a little saddening, but what did you expect? He's a murderer, after all. They're not exactly known for their love or compassion. You still can't help but feel like there's more to Scar than that, though…

Yoki starts stuttering out apologies. 'Of corse not, sir! I should have realised a man as wise and great as you has no need of a woman. Forgive me, sir. I'm so sorry! I made the mistake of assuming you have needs like mine. I am a weak man, not strong like you. Please don't kill me!' It sounds like he's crying. He really must be scared of Scar, if his pride has taken a backseat to fear. It's a shame you can't invoke the same reaction…

Scar seems a little calmer, but his voice is still extra gravelly as he addresses Yoki again. 'That reminds me. When I'm out searching for Alchemists, I'm going to leave you both in a secure location. If I find out you've touched her in any way…' he crunches his hand again; surely it's all dust by now? 

Yoki gulps audibly, clearing understanding Scar's message. 'Of course, sir. I won't even look at her in that way. I'll pretend she's my sister! My gorgeous, Ishvalan sister…' your skin crawls. It's the first time a man has ever complimented your appearance, but it makes you feel unclean when it's said by him. You visibly shiver, unable to hide your repulsion. Scar notices, once again shuffling to face you. 

You remain silent, hoping he'll mistake your shivering for cold. You'd rather not have to admit that you've been eavesdropping in on their conversation. Then again, is it eavesdropping if they're talking right in front of you?

Scar's coat shuffles, and for a moment you think he's going to grab something out of another pocket. Instead he covers you with it, making sure that your torso is totally covered. It's a remarkably sweet gesture, strengthening your believe that there is good in him, after all. You snuggle into it subconsciously, taking a good sniff of it as you do. It smells of dirt and man, exactly as you would expect. It's the best smell in the world, as it makes you feel safe and protected. It's enough to make you forget what he said about leaving you alone with Yoki.

Well, almost enough.

The waggon falls silent again, Yoki finally listening to Scar's desire for silence. You feel yourself drifting off again, only this time you're sure you'll succeed. It's so warm under the coat that for a moment your mind returns home, to Ishval before the warm. The mornings were always hot, but the nights were so bitter it's a miracle no one froze to death in their sleep. As a child you'd steal the jackets of various family members, pilling them on top of your blanket to keep warm. Your family always scolded you, but that never stopped you. If anything, it made you more eager to steal them, just to see how they'd react. How you loved winding up your family.

They're all gone now. You were the only one to survive. An Alchemist turned your village into rubble. The coats you once slept under are now nothing but dust, trapped under the corpses of your kin. Life can be so cruel…

Sleep finally takes you.

\--------------------------

Scar watches his companion sleep. He knows he shouldn't, but he can't help himself. Her gentle breathing is calming, acting like a balm on his scarred soul. Her face is one of total peace, her unconscious mind clearly providing her with pleasant thoughts and images. Totally unlike the images his dreams bring him…

Yoki clears his throat, about to talk again. Scar sighs heavily, resigning himself to conversation. Is he truly unable to function without talking? Back in his days as a monk, Scar could sit in total silence for days, reflecting on the world around him. The idea of talking just to fill silence is an alien one, and not one he wishes to adopt for himself.

Yoki's voice is quieter this time, which is an improvement in Scar's eyes. He's probably too scared to talk loudly after Scar's threat. 'If I may ask sir, if you don't keep her around for carnal reasons, why keep her at all? As I said earlier, she doesn't do much. You should abandon her in Central.' Scar stares daggers at Yoki, who decides that talking really isn't his strong suit. He keeps his thoughts firmly on the road, praying to whatever God is willing to listen that Scar doesn't just toss his body onto the road. 

As focused as he is, he doesn't hear Scar's muted reply.

'It's nice having someone to remind you of what you're fighting for, even if you're not fighting a battle worthy of such a reminder.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I hope you enjoyed it :3 hoping to have another chapter up within a week or so :)
> 
> Perhaps I shall see you then?


	3. The Truth That Hides Behind Anger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey,
> 
> This chapter is a little longer than planned. I hope you all enjoy :)

You’re woken up by the sound of the horse crying out. You sit up slowly, jacket sliding down your body. What’s going on? Have you stopped travelling? You can’t feel the wagon moving any more, so you must have. You also notice that it’s dark outside, which in your mind confirms your suspicion. Scar must have finally given into Yoki’s complaining, and decided to let him rest for the night.

Speaking of Scar, he’s still sat in front of you, body turned slightly in your direction. He must have heard you sit up.

He’s scowling when he speaks, but his words hold no anger. It must just be how he always speaks. ‘You’re awake, I see. We’re close enough to Central that I thought it wise to rest for the night. There’s a derelict house not far from here. It’ll be a good place for you to hide out while I seek my target.’ His voice does go a little dangerous at the end, but that’s understandable. After all, not many people can speak in an impassive tone when discussing murder. 

You pick up his jacket, holding it out to him. He doesn’t take it. ‘You should put that on for now. It’s cold outside, I don’t want to risk you falling ill.’ You do as he instructed, sliding your arms into the sleeves. It’s huge on you, the sleeves hanging off of your arms as if you were wearing a robe! You swear you see the briefest of smiles cross Scar’s face, as he too examines how you look in his jacket. Alas, it’s probably just wishful thinking. He has the eyes of a man who has long forgotten how to smile…

You hear a voice coming from outside the wagon. ‘Can we go inside now, sir? It’s freezing out here.’ 

Scar lets out an irritated growl, twisting his head to face the source of the voice; Yoki, you presume. ‘Fine. Get a fire started if you can. I saw some logs not far from the house.’ He turns his gaze upon you again. ‘We should get moving.’ He turns to leave the wagon, and you follow suit, trying your hardest not so stare at his backside as you crawl out. You know that you have to stop thinking of him in that way, especially after what you heard on the journey here. Any feelings you have will always be one-sided, so it’s best to hide them away. It will only end in heartbreak…

Scar helps you out of the wagon, making sure you land on your feet. The warmth of his hands seems to seep through your clothing, and you prey that he doesn’t notice the blush that has started to form. If he does, he doesn’t say anything.

Scar reaches over you into the wagon, trying to locate the supplies you procured when you took it. His proximity causes your blush to intensify, and you wonder if he knows the effect he has on you. No, he can’t know something like that. If he knew you had any kind of feelings for him, he’d distance himself from you entirely. Scar might be many things, but he’s not cruel enough to toy with your emotions like that. Either that, or he just assumes that your feelings aren’t genuine. Sure, you may not have known him for very long, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to feel something for him. You’re not in love with him, not by any stretch of the imagination. Still, you wish he’d give you the chance to get to know him, so you can decide for yourself if there’s something in him worth loving. Your heart tells you that there is, but your head just isn’t sure. If only he wasn’t so closed off…

He retrieves the supplies, slinging them onto his back. He speaks to you again. ‘There should be enough in this bag to last you while I’m gone. I’ll make sure to return with more.’ He starts walking up to the house. Without thinking, your hand reaches up to tap on his shoulder. He looks back at you, startled by the sudden contact. 

‘Why don’t you let me carry that? You’re still not totally recovered yet, and I don’t want you to make things worse for yourself.’ You make to grab the bag, but he stops you, gently pushing your hand away.

‘You’ve done enough to help me. I don’t expect you to do anything more.’ He speeds towards the house before you have a chance to argue with him.

You sigh heavily. He’ll never open up to you at this rate. 

You reluctantly follow, silently wishing that he was walking beside you.

\-------------------------------------------------------

The moon is high in the sky by the time you finish eating. Yoki had somehow managed to get a fire going, once again proving his usefulness. You’d all eaten in a tense silence, the atmosphere threatening to boil over at the slightest provocation. At one point, it almost had. You’d manage to spill some food onto your chest, your mind still preoccupied with thinking about Scar. Without thinking, you’d brushed the food away, causing your breasts to jiggle slightly. Yoki had immediately stopped eating, his eyes fixated on the sudden motion. He’d licked his lips, lewd thoughts clearly running through his head. The growl that Scar had let out in response to his inappropriate behaviour was almost fierce enough to make grown men cry. In Yoki’s case, it did make a grown man cry, despite his best attempts to hide his snivels behind mouthfuls of food. For the briefest of moments, you’re certain Scar’s eyes flashed with murderous intent. 

With your meal finally finishing, Yoki lets out a loud yawn. ‘Mmn, I think it’s time I finally went to bed. I’m exhausted after all that riding. Woman, you can take first watch. It’ll be good to see you doing something useful for a change.’ You feel a shift in Scar’s attitude, signalling that he’s going to start growling at Yoki again. Before he has the chance, you answer.

‘Sure, I don’t mind. It’s probably best you get some sleep before you start running your mouth off again. I’d hate to see Scar waste good anger on you.’ His mouth opens and closes rapidly, like a fish gasping for breath. He’s clearly about to retort, but scar cuts him off.

‘Enough. You heard her. Get some rest before she changes her mind.’ Yoki gives you a death glare, before setting into a sleeping position. Within moments, you hear soft snores coming from the man. He really must be exhausted.

Scar addresses you. ‘Wake me when you’ve had enough. I’ll take the next watch.’ With that, he too adjusts his position, before falling into what you’re sure is a troubled sleep. 

As you setting into your duty as watchman, you make a mental note to stick it out for as long as you possibly can; Scar needs rest far more than you do. 

\-----------------------------------------------

‘This room is poorly lit,’ Scar thinks as he opens his eyes. The smell of blood and chemicals fills his nostrils, and for a moment he wonders if this is what death feels like. A figure slowly approaches him, carrying medical supplies from what he can tell. It’s an Amestrian woman, which in his mind reassures him that he’s not dead. Unless this is hell? If so, what has he done to deserve this? He’d lived a life full of meditation, prayer, and warrior training. He’d been what many would call the perfect Ishvalan son. Then again, he had just failed all those who would refer to him as such. Despite all of his training, he had failed to protect his family. All except…

‘Brother? Where are you? Did I manage to keep you safe at least?’ The Amestrian woman is talking to him, but he can’t hear what he’s saying. Something about his face maybe? She turns away, joining another Amestrian on the far side of the room. He reaches a hand up to his face, wanting to see what the woman was talking about. His blood runs cold as his arm rises into view.

It’s not his arm.

It’s covered in tattoos.

Brother?

Anger courses through his veins. He really has failed them all. His whole family, gone in the blink of an eye. All thanks to the Amestrian Military, and those dogs they call State Alchemists. They shall all pay for what they’ve done. If he couldn’t save his family, and if he can’t save his people, then he shall avenge them, starting right now.

Blinded by anger, Scar rises from his makeshift bed, and heads straight over to the two Amestrians. He dispatches the man immediately, giving him no time to register his fate. The woman screams out, fear colouring her features. He had planned to be quick with her too, but for some reason he starts to strangle her slowly instead. She struggles against him, unwilling to die without putting up a fight. She gasps out what are to become her last breaths, hands shoving against his shoulders in a final weak attempt to get him off of her. 

Just when he feels the life fading from her body, her breaths transform into gentle calls of his name. ‘Scar,’ slips from her mouth time and time again, causing him to blink hard in confusion. When his eyes open again, the woman has changed in appearance, shifting from the Amestrian woman into the single most beautiful woman he’s ever seen. She’s an Ishvalan like him, her crimson eyes giving away her ethnicity in a heartbeat. Unlike his, her eyes are filled with compassion and concern, not hatred and anger. Her skin looks unblemished, and is soft underneath his vice-like grip. Her body is perfect, like she is made in the image of some divine being. Her cries of his name convince him to stop his movements, but his hands have other ideas. They crush down harder, as if they want her to die more than they wanted the Amestrian to. Why? Why would anyone desire this woman dead? She seems so beautiful, so pure. There’s a goodness that radiates from her very being. He wants to hold her, to bring her close and allow that goodness to heal his tormented soul. And yet, his hands continue to tighten around her neck.

\---------------------------------------

A few hours into your guard duties, you hear Scar making noises in his sleep. They don’t concern you at first; he’s probably having some kind of vivid dream. It’s only when his whole body starts shaking that you decide to intervene. You walk over to him, gently shaking his shoulders.

‘Scar,’ you call out. ‘Scar, wake up.’ His body shakes even more violently. ‘Scar? Scar! Scar, please wake up! You need to wake up! Scar!’ You begin to panic, a few tears escaping from your eyes. What if you can’t wake him? What if he hurts himself? What if-

Before you have time to worry any more, his eyes snap open. He pushes you onto your back and looms over you, the impact with the floor winding you. As you gasp from breath, Scar pants heavily on top of you, raw fury in his eyes. For a moment you’re afraid that he’s going to hurt you, until you see something click just behind his eyes. They soften instantly, the fury being replaced by what you’re sure is concern. He leans back a bit, giving you more room to breath.

His brow furrows as he looks you in the eyes. ‘Did I hurt you?’ You can’t answer him verbally, lungs still desperately trying to regain their oxygen supply. You shake your head, not wanting to worry him. You try desperately to smile at him, but that’s proving to be difficult.

As you slowing regain control of your breathing, he remains perfectly still, as if he’s awaiting verbal confirmation. His body is so close that the slightest shift in your position would cause you to rub against him. If you sit up slightly, you’d even be able to press your lips against his…

Breath finally restored, you give him the confirmation he’s been looking for. ‘I’m okay, Scar. You just winded me is all. It’s my own fault, anyway.’ 

Scar looks at you, face full of confusion. ‘I am the one who hurt you. How are you to blame?’ 

You smile sheepishly at him, rubbing the back of your neck in embarrassment. ‘Well, I noticed you were having a bad dream, so I woke you up. I shouldn’t have invaded your personal space like that, but I couldn’t just sit here and watch you suffer. I’m sorry.’ you say, eyes dropping to the ground in shame. You expect him to leave it at that, to accept your apology and move on.

What you don’t expect is for him to gently tilt your chin up so he can look you in the eyes again.

Another thing that surprises you is what you see in them. Instead of the usual hate or anger, you see something softer, almost tender. It’s only there for a fleeting moment, but you’re certain that what you’ve just seen is real. 

After staring into your eyes a little longer than can be considered polite, Scar speaks. ‘I am the one who should apologise. This not the first time I have harmed someone who only wished to help me. I only pray that it is the last.’ He releases his hold on your chin, placing his hand into his lap. The air between you is charged with emotions, as you try to find the courage to ask him what he means by that. He seems so vulnerable right now, as if he has yet to rebuild his usual wall. Maybe it’s because he’d let his guard down so he could sleep properly? Whatever the reason, you know you have to say something, to get something past the wall before it’s too high for you to infiltrate.

Instead of asking him questions about his past, which are almost certain to bring his guard up, you decide to make him an offer.

‘If you ever want to talk about your past with anyone, you know you can talk to me, right? I won’t judge you, no matter what. You could tell me that you’ve slaughtered a thousand kittens and I still wouldn’t say anything judgemental or hurtful.’ Adding gallows humour in there was probably a mistake, but it’s too late to take it back now.

He seems to consider your words carefully before speaking again. ‘I don’t doubt your capacity for acceptance, but there are some things in this world that are unforgivable.’ This is it now, the final moment before he puts his guard up again. You have to choose your words and actions carefully, as one false move could make him twice as guarded.

Tentatively, you reach out, placing your hand over the one in his lap. He looks surprised, as if that’s the last thing he’d expected you to do. You give him a soft smile, before saying two little words which change his feelings towards you forever.

‘Try me.’

With those words, you see the wall remain grounded, his guard failing to rise. Somehow, you’ve broken through to him, despite only knowing him for a few weeks. You don’t intend to celebrate prematurely, however; he still hasn’t opened up to you properly.

He sighs heavily. ‘I can’t. Not yet. If I tell you now, you might not still be here when I return from Central. I can’t risk losing my only friend to things that are long past. I’m sorry.’ It’s his turn to drop his gaze. You consider your next move again, simultaneously taking in his words. He truly considers you a friend? You’re overjoyed at the fact that you mean something to him. You’re about to tell him that you consider him a friend too, when you hear him utter something in that low baritone of his.

‘Why did you decide to follow me? You had a life back there, helping the other refugees. Why would you give that up for a life of travelling with a wanted fugitive?’ You think carefully, trying to think of a way to articulate your reason properly.

You decide to mimic his action from a moment ago, tipping his chin up so that your eyes meet again. You make sure that his gaze is trained solely upon you when you speak.

‘I came with you because I think you’re worth more than you think you are. You talk as if vengeance is all there is to you, but I don’t believe you. There’s something inside of you that calls me to you, that compels me to stand by you. I wish you’d cast aside your violent nature, but I know deep down that your actions aren’t without reason. I only hope that someday I’ll be lucky enough to see the true you, the person hiding behind all of this anger.’ 

Scar looks at you, a thousand different emotions swimming in his eyes. You’re concerned that you’ve said too much, revealed too much of your budding affection. Surely Scar is going to shut you down, tell you that what you see is a lie.

Unsurprisingly, he backs away, creating a physical distance between you, as well as an emotional one. You feel your heart begin to break, but what did you expect? You know he doesn’t have any interest in you, not like that. You should have just accepted his friendship. Now you’re going to lose that, too.

Scar starts talking again, so softly you almost struggle to hear him. ‘If I were any other man, I’d tackle you back onto the floor and show you exactly what I’m hiding behind all of my anger. If I were any other man, I’d abandon my vendetta, if it meant I got to hold you in my arms at night. If I were any other man, I’d try to make you fall for me, to earn your heart for my own selfish reasons. I am not that man. I’m a murderer, a vicious killer. I don’t deserve the understanding or the compassion of a beautiful woman. If you continue to travel with me, you’ll have to learn to accept that.’ His words hang in the air, almost suffocating you. If anything, his words hurt you more than a rejection. Why won’t he let you help him?

You straighten yourself, trying to form your own wall. You cross your arms, trying to look intimidating. ‘If I do decide to stay with you, then you’ll just have to accept the fact that I won’t ‘learn to live with it.’ I’ll never stop trying to find the good in you, Scar, even if it kills me.’ He shifts slightly at the word ‘kill’, but otherwise remains completely still.

The air is still tense between you, so much so that you’re surprised Yoki has managed to sleep through. He must sleep like a brick…

Scar sighs, admitting defeat. ‘So be it. You should rest now. I’ll be leaving at sunrise. I’ve already told Yoki to keep his distance from you, but if he tries anything, tell me as soon as I return. I’ll break every part of him that touched you.’ You calm your position, preparing yourself for sleep. You shrug off his jacket, and try to give it back to him again. Yet again he refuses to take it, telling you to use it as a blanket. You do as he advises, snuggling underneath it just as you did in the wagon. The ground is harder in here, but you’ve slept in far worse places.

You settle down into an uneasy sleep, mind still replaying your conversation with Scar. Did he mean it, what he said about being another man? 

That’s the final thing you ask yourself before you lose all consciousness.

\---------------------------

The sun is starting to rise over the horizon, indicating that it’s time for Scar to go. As it is still somewhat dark, he decides to wake Yoki, not wanting to leave his companions completely defenceless. 

Yoki grumbles incontinently as Scar roughly shakes his shoulder. ‘Hmn, piss off.’ He opens an eyes, and jolts up when he sees that it’s Scar who has woken him up. ‘I’m so sorry, sir, I forgot myself! Are you heading off to Central now? Don’t you want to say goodbye to your woman, too?’ Scar can’t tell if the emotion that surges through him is anger or something equally as primitive. His woman… He’d by lying if he said he didn’t like the sound of that. Alas, he’d explained to her quite clearly last night that nothing could happen between them. Still, he’d been so close to kissing her after her confession…

Scar’s thoughts have reminded him of something. ‘Let her rest. That reminds me, my threat still stands. If you so much as glance at her, you’ll regret it. Are we clear?’ 

Yoki gulps loudly. ‘Crystal, sir. I’ll even make sure she’s safe and fed for you!’ Scar is inclined to believe him on this occasion. Yoki may be a little stupid, but no one is stupid enough to pick fight with someone who could kill them with a single touch. 

Before he leaves, Scar allows himself one final look at his sleeping companion. He regrets that he’ll not be here when she wakes, if only because that means he won’t get the chance to look into those eyes of hers for a long while. He only hopes that his absence doesn’t cause their light to grow dull.

He leaves the house, heading straight for Central, and his next target.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, did you like it?
> 
> The next chapter shall see May brought into the mix. Hope to see you then, and thanks for reading :)


	4. New Friends, And New Feelings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys,
> 
> Word of warning; the rating is now warranted. It sort of happened without me meaning to do it, but it happened nonetheless. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy :)

Scar has been gone for a few weeks now, and you're beginning to miss him desperately. He's been a part of your life for what feels like forever, and being without him is difficult.

Although, being with Yoki is even harder.

Up until now, Scar had been happy to let you do as you please, not expecting you to contribute anything other than your company. Yoki however has been working you like a slave, making you do everything for him. So far this morning, you've had to start the fire, cook, and try to find more firewood. Yoki has spent most of the morning sat on his ass, complaining about your situation. Still, he has at least heeded Scar's warning, physically keeping his distance from you. You've caught him peeping on you a few times, but you're willing to let that slide for the sake of peace; if Scar finds out, he'll poke Yoki's eyes out.

After a while, you'd finally had enough of Yoki's whining, and convinced him to go out and find food. He'd made a loud noise of disapproval, until you'd reminded him that Scar will be expecting a full report on his actions when he returns. Yoki had then turned remarkably pale, clearly taking your threat seriously. He’d left your hiding place like a rat up a drainpipe, finally granting you some much-needed peace and quiet.

That was a few hours ago, and you're starting to grow concerned. Well, as concerned as you can be for Yoki. As much as you dislike him, you don't wish any ill on the man. Besides, if he doesn't return, what are you going to do for food? You'd have to sit tight and pray for Scar's return, probably. You have no experience in hunting or foraging, and you'd make a poor thief. Maybe when Scar comes back he'll teach you how to fend for yourself…

Your fear are put to rest when, not ten minutes after you think about him, Yoki returns, albeit not as you'd expected. You'd expected him to bring back food.

Instead, he's brought back a small child, and an even smaller black and white cat.

You stare up at Yoki, your face one of pure bewilderment. Where the hell did he find her? Why is she here? Does he intend to cook her? Is her pet really a cat?!

Before you have the chance to say anything, the little girl starts talking. 'Hello, nice to meet you. My name is Mei Chang, and my friend here is Xiao-Mei. We've travelled all the way from Xing to look for something. You must be Mrs Yoki!' She grins at you, but you don't smile back. You're far too busy glaring at Yoki.

Yoki's eyes suddenly fill with fear. 'O-oh, she's not my wife. I'm just looking after her. Nope, she's got nothing to do with me.' He lets out a nervous laugh, in an attempt to get you to stop glaring. You soften your expression slightly, and turn your head to face Mei.

You introduce yourself to her, and she gasps when you tell her your name. 'That's so pretty!' She says, gaze filler with awe.

You smile softly in response. 'Thank you, Mei. Now tell me, how did you meet Yoki? And why are you here?' She opens her mouth, ready to answer your questions, but she's interrupted by someone entering your hideout.

Scar has finally returned.

All three of you turn to look at him, not expecting his arrive. You stand up, and start to walk over to him, until you see something that causes you to freeze halfway between him and your original spot on the floor.

His leg is bleeding. Someone has injured him.

You begin to feel a bit faint; his target must have put up one hell of a fight if he managed to injure him. Does that mean god target still lives? Will they pursue Scar? More importantly, how serious is Scar's injury? If worse comes to worse, will he be physically able to avoid his potential pursuer?

Scar doesn’t appear to be in any pain however. He seems far more concerned with the newest editions to you group. ‘Who is this girl? Why is she here?’ He scowls at Yoki, almost as if he knows he’s the one responsible for her being here.

Before Yoki can stutter out his reason, Mei introduces herself. ‘Pleased to meet you, sir. My name is Mei Chang. Your master found me collapsed by the side of the road, and decided to help me. So, here I am.’ She grins up at him. 

You watch the scene unfold in total disbelief. Not only has this girl just said that Yoki helped her (although you’re willing to bet a kidney that he was trying to rob her, too), but she’s actually talking to Scar just as she would anyone else. It’s refreshing, finding someone else who doesn’t appear to be scared or intimidated by his gruff nature. You think you could warm to the youngster rather quickly, given the chance. 

Scar gives Yoki the most menacing look you’ve ever seen, clearly none too happy about Mei calling Yoki his ‘Master’.

Yoki stutters out a laugh. ‘The poor girl is confused, sir. She’s travelled all the way from Xing, don’t you know?’ 

Scar looks thoroughly unimpressed. ‘If you’ve recovered, it’s time for you to leave. We’re not staying here much longer.’ Oh, so Scar intends to move you all on? He must be after Central’s other alchemists. Either that, or your initial suspicious was right, and he failed to kill his target. A part of you prays that he has failed, as harsh as that seems. His soul slips further away from redemption with every life taken. If he keeps going, you fear that you’ll be unable to save him from himself. The thought saddens you greatly…

Scar looks you dead in the eyes, almost as if he can read your thoughts. He strides over to you with purpose, stopping just in front of you. 

His voice is low as he speaks to you. ‘Did he touch you?’ You slowly shake your head. ‘I’m glad he heeded my warning.’ He walks past you after he finishes talking, and slouches against the wall. You make to assess his injury, but Mei beats you to it.

‘That’s a nasty wound, sir. Here, let me fix it for you.’ She draws a pentagram on the floor, and you begin to panic. Is she planning to use alchemy?!

She flicks out five knives, all of which land on the points of the star inside the circle. There’s a flash of light, and before you know it, Scar’s leg is completely devoid of all injury. It’s amazing, but also worrying. If the little girl is an alchemist, does that mean that Scar will try to kill her?

She smiles happily. ‘There, all done. I used alkahestry to heal your injury. It’s similar to alchemy, but it comes all the way from Xing!’ Ah, so not an alchemist then. Good. You’d really hate to have to beg Scar not to kill a child… 

Scar looks at Yoki, questioning Mei’s words.’Ah yes, you weren’t here for that. This young lady travelled all across the desert by herself. An absolutely ridiculous endeavour...’ 

Mei turns around to face him, hand on her hips. ‘I wasn’t alone, I had Xiao-Mei!’ Scar catches a glimpse of the small creature clinging to Mei’s back, and for a moment he seems to undergo a personality transplant. Gone is his stern stare, his eyes now filled with awe over the cute creature before him. He raises his arm to pet it, but Mei turns around before he has the chance. In doing so, she gives herself the opportunity to look at Scar’s tattoos. 

She gasps. ‘That’s the Dragon’s Pulse! This tattoo is alkahestry!’ 

Scar grunts. ‘My brother was a student of both alchemy and alkahestry. The tattoo is the result of his research.’ Scar’s words break your heart a little. From the way he’s talking, you’re almost certain his brother is dead. Not an uncommon thing, given how many lives were lost in the war. Still, the thought of him losing a family member cuts you deeply. Would Scar be different if his brother was still around? Maybe one day you’ll have the guts to ask him...

Yoki interrupts your thoughts. ‘Well, now that you’re all healed, sir, shall we leave for Central? Or do you wish to see for yourself if the woman is still in good health? I guarantee you won’t find a scratch on her, sir, not one single scratch!’ He’s being especially jittery at the moment, probably due to making the mistake of bringing a small child to your hiding place. He’s almost certainly trying to big up the only one thing he did right while Scar was gone; he’s kept you alive.

Mei interjects. ‘We’re going to Central?! Cool, let me grab my stuff!’ She bolts over to her belongings, leaving you, Scar, and Yoki to stare at her in confusion. Has she decided to stay with you now? Why? Scar had told her to leave a moment ago. Part of you hopes the men won’t call her out on it though. It would be nice to have some female company, even if said company is still a child. 

Unfortunately, Yoki calls her out. ‘Ehem, I think you’ll find Scar told you to leave. Why do you want to come with us anyway? Is it that stupid immortality thing you were going on about all the way back here?’ Oh, so she came over to Amestris for a reason, then. That makes a lot more sense then her coming over here for no reason.

Mei glares at Yoki. ‘It’s not stupid!’ Yoki begins to argue back, only to be cut short when Xiao-Mei bites down hard on one of his fingers. He lets out a loud howl of pain, one that you’re certain everyone within a mile radius could hear. Maybe it’s best if you all move in sooner, rather than later. 

As Mei begins to talk about finding some legendary alchemist or another (Elric, maybe? You really can’t tell with her fawning and screeching), Yoki approaches you and Scar, getting close enough to block Mei out of the conversation. ‘Sir, do you really want that girl following us? We already have one load of dead weight with us, why should we load ourselves with more?’ Now it’s your turn to glare at Yoki again. Is that really how he sees you? ‘Dead weight’? Does Scar think the same? Are you only still here because of their pity? Because they don’t think you’d cope by yourself?

Scar turns to face you. ‘What about you? Do you want her to stay?’ His question comes as a relief. If he’s still willing to respect your opinion, it must mean that he sees you as more than an inconvenience or a burden. At least, you hope that’s the case…

Your voice is quiet as you answer. ‘I want her to stay. She’s clearly a skilled healer, and it would be nice to have some female company. That, and she’s only a little girl, we can’t just kick her out and expect her to fend for herself.’ Your reasoning comes out a lot better than you’d hoped, and you’re sure it’ll give Scar something to think about. Still, if Scar’s earlier sentiment still lingers, it’s two against one in favour of her leaving.

When she turns around to face Scar, he gives her his final answer. ‘Do as you please, girl.’ It’s a diplomatic answer, one that doesn’t side directly with either yourself or Yoki. However, given her clear intent to stay, perhaps Scar is siding with you…

Mei lets out an excited shriek. ‘Eee! You won’t regret this! We’re going to be the best team ever!’

Yoki sighs heavily, before muttering something under his breath ‘If the woman wanted a child following her around, she should have mentioned it sooner. I’m sure Scar would be more than happy to put one inside her...’ 

Unfortunately for Yoki, he’s not the quietest mutterer in Amestris. Everyone in the room hears his mutterings, yourself included. You’re ashamed to admit it, but the thought of doing such a thing with Scar sends a wave of heat through your body, as your mind begins to conjure up images of the two of you intertwined, body performing a dance as old as humanity…

You’re not entirely sure what Scar thinks about his comments, but he’s made no move to hurt him yet. In fact, he doesn’t seem to be that angry at Yoki’s words (which makes a change). Instead, you’re sure you can hear the cogs in his brain turning, possibly even thinking the same things you are. You only wish you were facing him, so you could see what’s going on behind those gorgeous eyes of his…

Mei has a completely different chain of thought, though. ‘Oh, so you’re Mr Scar’s wife? That makes sense. The two of you seem really well-matched!’ Xiao-Mei makes a noise of approval too, clearly thinking the same thing.

Scar stares straight into your eyes, as if he’s trying to find something. He clearly finds it, as he turns his gaze back to Mei. ‘Make sure you’re ready to leave soon, girl.’ With that, he stands up, and walks straight to the door.

Panic sets in. ‘Wait, you’re not leaving without us, are you?’ He stops a few inches from the exit, turning to look at you again. 

His stare is hard at first, until he notices the fear and upset in your eyes. His expression softens, albeit so subtlety that you’re not certain if it has softened. ‘I need to relieve myself. I’ll be back in a few moments.’ Oh. He’s going to the toilet. You really need to get a grip on your paranoia… 

You smile softly at him. ‘Don’t be too long. I’ve missed you.’ He seems taken aback by your words, so much so that he doesn’t answer you. Instead he leaves, presumably off to find a tree to pee behind.

You continue to smile at the doorway, mind going over your previous conversation. More specifically, the part where Scar hadn’t corrected Mei’s presumptuous response. It raises an important question in your mind;

If Scar doesn’t mind Mei thinking you’re his wife, does that mean he’s come to accept your growing feelings for him?

\----------------------------------

Scar ends up hiding behind a tree as far away from the hideout as possible. Shame flows through his body, temporarily replacing his anger. He should have known something like this would happen.

For the last few weeks, life had returned to the way it was before he was attacked. He was on his own, free to hunt alchemists again without having to look out for anybody else. However, as much as he tried to tell himself that, he couldn’t stop his mind from reminding him that things are different, that he does have someone to look out for.

He has her.

Every night, he has dreamt of her, her gentle smiles filling his mind with a sense of calm unlike anything else he’s ever known. His desire for revenge had been momentarily lost as he thought of her, his mind instead desiring only to see her again. In his minds eye, he spoke to her, and told her of things he knows he’ll never be able to say in the waking world. He told her of his past, and of his mistakes. He told her of his regrets, and how he wishes more than anything that he could give up this vendetta of his. He can feel himself slipping further and further away from his true self with every life taken, but he doesn’t know how to stop. Revenge is all that he’s known for so long. It is his redemption, his raison d’etre. He must destroy those that butchered his kin.

She listens to his confessions, her angelic features focused on him. When he has finished speaking, she takes him into her arms, her beautiful soul wrapping itself around his ugly one. If vengeance is his redemption, then she is his salvation, taking him away from the cruelness of reality and into a world where there is no pain, there is no death. There is only her, and the gentle smiles that she seems to reserve only for him. And even though they have only known each other for a short while, he feels a connection with her that runs deep, so deep that it almost scares him. Never before has someone affected him like this, and he’s certain that no one ever will again.

However, it’s not just her soul that affects him.

When he’d returned, and seen her get up and approach him, for a moment his arms went to open for her, to embrace her, just as she embraced him in his dreams. He’d caught himself at the last minute, reminding himself that just because he can hold her in his dreams, that doesn’t mean he can touch her in reality. 

When he’d asked her about Yoki, he had dreaded her response. He had left her alone with a man who hasn’t stopped staring at her chest since the day they’d started travelling together. If he had done anything to her, he would have hurt him in ways that would have ensured his eternal damnation. He would have made him suffer for daring to defile such an angelic being.

‘A woman,’ he reminds himself. ‘She’s a woman, albeit a special one.’ He desperately tries to hold on to that thought, as he shoves his trousers down to his ankles.

He’s tried so hard to contain his carnal desire. Truly, he has. He’s spent years trying to master his own mind, to gain the level of focus and control that warrior monks such as himself are infamous for. However, he is still a man at the end of the day, and men can only resist their urges for so long.

He has been fine up until now, content to ignore the bulge he wakes up with every morning. He doesn’t want to sully her beauty by doing something so base and crude, but he can’t contain himself any longer. Yoki’s snide remark about putting a child inside her had finally caused his self-control to falter. He only hopes she doesn’t discover what he plans to do out here, and that she didn’t notice the bulge in his trousers when he'd made his hasty retreat.

Speaking of said bulge, the cause of it is currently standing proud between his legs, weeping with need. He grabs it with his hand (his own hand, not the one his brother gave to him), and begins to let his imagination run wild.

He imagines life after his goals are complete. All of the state alchemists are gone, and he has somehow managed to survive. He imagines owning a tiny cottage somewhere, one with a roof so low that he bangs his head from time to time. He imagines her giggling softly every time he does, which is the one reason he insists they don’t need renovate or move. He lives for those little giggles.

One night, he sits naked on the bed, reading something by candle light. She’s been in the bathroom for a long time, but he isn’t concerned. She’s probably brushing her silken locks, making sure to carefully remove all tangles. He hears the bathroom door open, and looks up, gasping when he sees her.

Her chemise is so thin and translucent that she would have been better covered if she was totally naked. He can see everything, and it makes him harder than he’s ever been before.

She gently pries the book from his hand, setting it on the bedside table. She straddles his lap, and he grabs onto her hips, making sure she remains balanced. Her sitting down has caused her chemise to ride up completely, allowing him to touch the bare flesh of her hips. Her skin is so soft, so warm. He wants her so badly, he needs her more than he need oxygen. 

She brings her mouth down to his ear. ‘You know, this house doesn’t feel right with only two people. I think we need to make a third.’ Her words spur him into action, and he enters her without saying a word, hoping that she understands that he agrees with her wholeheartedly. She feels so warm and wet around him that he fears he won’t be able to last long. He can feel something building in his gut, a feeling totally alien to him. He’s been a fool to deny himself his for so long. He has committed so many sins in his life, but this may be the only one he doesn’t regret. After all, is loving a woman so pure, and so divine as his really a sin? She is too innocent, too heavenly for sin. He is the light to his darkness, and he wishes to bask in it forever. 

His fantasy is cut short when, in reality, he finishes, coating the tree with his release. His laments having to do such a thing, but he couldn’t bring himself to dirty his trousers. If he did, he’d feel the evidence of his shame every time he walked, and he couldn’t do that to himself. Although he knows he deserves to feel ashamed by sullying her in his mind, it’s the her in reality that concerns him. She’s remarkably astute, especially when it comes to him. She’d sense his shame, and ask him about it. She’d be disgusted with his answer, and probably abandon him as soon as they reach Central. Even though he knows he’ll never be worthy of her love, he doesn’t want to be the recipient of her hate. So, he’ll leave the evidence of his indiscretion behind him, and pray that no one finds out.

He pulls his trousers back up, and heads back to see the woman he’s falling in love with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, things are starting to get interesting, huh? Or was that far too soon and/or OOC? Let me know what you thought, and I hope to see you soon :)


	5. Of Bargins And Confessions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey,
> 
> I'm back with more content, so please enjoy :)

You've been in Central for less that a week now, and Scar is already back on the hunt. He's heard rumours that the Fullmetal Alchemist is currently in Central, so he's spend his time trying to track him down.

So far, he's had no luck.

A part of you is grateful for that, but you're beginning to grow concerned. Scar's brooding has been worse than ever lately, and you hate seeing him like it. You only wish something other than killing brought him joy. 

He's been gone longer than usual today, leaving your makeshift alley camp at dawn. It's well past lunchtime now, and he's still not back. Mei, apparently sensing your concern, had left with her pet about half an hour ago, promising to find your wayward Ishvalan friend. This unfortunately leaves you alone with Yoki again, but you're more than used to that by now. In fact, you've almost grown to like the man. 

Almost.

Yoki smirks at you salaciously. 'Still no sign of them. What's the point of all this idle waiting? We could do something much more fun to pass the time…' Ew. Not this again. When is he going to learn that you find him about as attractive as you find Xiao-Mei?

You decide to grin back on him, putting on the sweetest voice you can manage. 'If you touch me, I'll ask Scar to pin you down, while I pull out each hair in that moustache of yours one at a time.' His face drains of all colour. It's good to know he's still taking your threats seriously. Still, you hope Scar and Mei return sooner, rather than later.

As if they can read minds, no sooner than you think that, they both return, although something about Scar doesn't look right. Then you realise he's missing one of his sleeves, and his trousers have a hole in them, one that has red on the edges.

Your blood runs cold; he's been shot.

You silently thank your God for Mei's existence. Were it not for her, Scar would probably be dead right now. As it is, the wound on his leg appears to have been healed, undoubtedly by her.

You move to greet him, but instead he completely ignores you, walking past you and settling behind. You can't help but feel a little hurt by his actions, but he must have his reasons. His apparent defeat has probably wounded his pride as much as it has his leg. Still, he should understand that such things don't really matter to you. You're just glad he's returned to you alive.

You decide to ask Mei for information. 'What happened to Scar?'

Mei suddenly looks very concerned. 'Well, you see… it was awful! He was being attacked by several people all at once! I managed to help him escape, but not before someone shot him! I'm so sorry, Mrs. Scar, I didn't reach him in time to stop them!' The poor girl looks like she's going to burst into tears. 

You walk over to her, crouch down, and pull her into a hug. She takes in a deep breath, as if she wasn't expecting you to do such a thing.

After a few moments, you pull back, and look her in the eye. 'Thank you, Mei. I don't know what I would have done if anything happened to him. 

'You can't control everything that happens in this world. There will always be moments where you're too late, where you do something after someone else. That doesn't matter. It's what you do after those things happen that are truly important. You saved his life. For that, you have my eternal gratitude.' She starts crying, and for a moment you're concerned you've said the wrong thing. 

Mei hugs you this time. 'Thank you, Mrs. Scar. I promise, I'll patch up Mr. Scar as many times as I have to. You two are my friends now, after all, and friends look out for each other always and forever. Though Mr. Scar seems so sad right now…' her eyes lock onto his hiding place.

You stand up, smiling gently at her. 'I'll speak to him. He's probably licking his wounds a little bit. I don't think he's ever been shot before.' Even as you say those words, you're uncertain of their truthfulness. Has he ever been shot before? The worse you've even seen him was just after he was dragged from the river, but that doesn't mean he's never had injuries before. So much of his past remains a mystery. He'd mentioned a few weeks ago that he didn't want to tell you of it, for fear of losing you. What in his past can be worse than the present?

One thing does seem off though. ‘Mei, where’s Xiao-Mei? Isn’t she with you?’

Mei smiles brightly. ‘Of course she is. Xiao-Mei is always with me. She right he-’ As she speaks, she reaches up to touch her shoulder. She cuts her words short when she realises her friend isn’t there.

She starts to look panicked. ‘Oh no, where is she? I must have lost her during that fight. I have to find her, it’ll be dark soon. I’ll try looking where I found Mr. Scar, that seems like a good place to start.’ She sprints off before you can say anything more, leaving only three in the camp.

You begin to approach Scar, before stopping yourself. You’re hoping to have a deep and revealing conversation with Scar. You can’t do that with Yoki eavesdropping.

You turn to face Yoki. ‘Why don’t you go see if you can scavenge some food for us, Yoki? Best to go now before it gets dark.’ Yoki looks as if he’s about to protest, until you stare pointedly at Scar, then back to Yoki.

He seems to get the message. ‘O-oh, sure. I can do that. I’ll give the two of you some privacy. Don’t tire him too much, though, or he won’t thank you for it.’ Why must Yoki always have the most lewd thoughts? Still, if it gets him to leave for a while, he can think what he likes. 

You wait until he's away from view before resuming your journey to see Scar. He's not turned his head to face you, but you know he knows you're there. Very well, you'll just have to make him acknowledge you. 

When you finally reach him, you sit down directly opposite him, so that he has no choice but to acknowledge you. 

He still doesn't move.

You tentatively place your hand on one of his thighs. You can feel him fighting the urge to flinch.

Okay, so touch isn't the way to go. Still, your and is there now, so you may as well keep it there. It might help him somehow, having a physical link to you. It might encourage him to be more open.

You speak quietly and cautiously, not wanting to push him too far too soon. 'Are you alright, Scar?' It's a broad question, but one that you think he'll answer, even if his answer will almost certainly be a lie. He's not okay, but will he admit that he's not?

Scar shifts his gaze to your hand in his thigh, appearing to be deep in thought. He doesn't answer your question straight away, but you don't offer up another one or push him for an answer. If he wants to talk to you, he will. If not? Well, that doesn't mean you can't just sit with him in silence for a while.

His voice is quiet when he finally answers, as if his mind is somewhere other than the present. 'I told you once that I did something unforgivable. Today, I was confronted by it. I should not have escaped with my life.' You wince at his words, still a little shaken by his injuries. By the looks of things, he very nearly didn't escape with his life.

You're about to speak, but he cuts you off. 'It was during the war. My family and I were trying to flee from the Amestrian Military. Before we could escape our burning village, we were stopped by a State Alchemist. 

'There was an explosion. That much I remember clearly. Everything else is a blur. I remember hearing my brother speak, but I don't recall what he said. Something about the research notes he gave me, perhaps? After that, I lost consciousness entirely. 

'When I woke up, I was disorientated. I have no idea where I was. I thought I was dead, until I saw an Amestrian woman looking down at me. She told me I had been injured, and that she and her husband were healers. As she walked away to treat another patient, my thoughts turned to my brother. 'Is he here?' I though. 'Is he alive?' I raised my arm, wanting to assess my health before finding my brother. 

'The arm that I raise was not my own. These tattoos do not belong to me. They are my brothers, entrusted to me upon his death. At first I was grief-stricken over the loss of my family. That grief soon turned into a burning hatred that I couldn't control. I rose from my bed, and murdered the two Amestrian doctors with my bare hands.' His confession makes your head spin. He murdered two completely innocent people? People who had helped him, no less. This is not quite what you had been expecting. 

Scar continues talking, oblivious to your thoughts. 'Today, I met their daughter. She knows that I am the man who took her parents from her. I have never seen anyone with such hatred in their eyes. I wonder if that is how I look. 

'She had a gun, yet she did not shoot me. Her 'friend', the Fullmetal Alchemist, stilled her hand. I do not understand why. If the man responsible for killing my family was before me, I would kill him without hesitation. Yet, she did not. She did not shoot me, and I can't understand why.' It seems as if Scar is having some kind of breakthrough. Is he finally seeing the error of his ways? Might he finally consider giving up his quest for vengeance?

No, he won't. But maybe, just maybe, he'll only focus on hurting the ones truly responsible for the death of his family. Maybe he'll stop killing indiscriminately, and start focusing on killing the people who have wronged him.

The air is thick with tension, and you realise Scar is waiting for a response. 

You're unsure how to respond though. Sure, you're well-aware that he's a murderer, but up until now you'd assumed he only killed the people he felt wronged by. He killed two innocents, two people that only wanted to help him. What can you even say to that? 'Oh, that's okay, I'm sure they deserved it too.'? He really has done something terrible, far worse than you thought him capable of. You should hate him for what he did.

And yet, you can't bring yourself to even consider hating him. The thought makes you feel sick. He has made a terrible mistake, it's true, but he does not deserve your hate. He has more than enough of his own. Besides, by the way that he's acting, it's clear that he regrets his actions. If you turn on him now, you're certain he'll lose that regret. It'll turn into anger again, and you don't want to do that to him.

You put your spare hand onto his cheek, and use it to position his head forwards. You want to look him in the eyes when you talk to him. 

You lock eyes with him. To your surprise, his eyes don't hold anger like they usually do. Instead they hold something else, something you never would have thought Scar capable of.

Fear. 

He's afraid of your reaction.

It makes your heart break. How can he still fear your reaction, even though you've told him time and time again that he can trust you, and that you won't just abandon him? Sure, his revelation was harder to accept than you'd initially suspected, but that means nothing. The point is that you're willing to accept it, yet he is certain that you won't. What can you do to prove to him that you'll always be willing to accept him?

You open your mouth, and opt to speak from the heart. It's all you can really do at this point. 'I can't answer that. I can't begin to fathom the motives of other people, as much as I'd like to. Still, whatever the reason, I'm glad she didn't kill you.

'What you've done is truly terrible. I won't insult you by lying and saying it's fine. However, allowing someone to take your life isn't the way to atone for it. Vengeance is a vicious cycle, Scar, one that never stops until someone puts an end to it. If that girl had killed you, I would have been tempted to kill her. If I had killed her, then one of her friends would have killed me. It would have gone on like that until no one remained. 

'If you truly wish to atone for what you've done, you must start by casting away your vengefulness. I'm not saying you should give up hope of avenging your family's death; I've lost enough of my own family to know that you'll never be able to do that. I'm saying that you shouldn't make it your only goal in life. You could do so much for the world, Scar, if you only have yourself the chance.' You've made yourself cry this time, your words hitting home harder than expected.

Scar's eyes suddenly become hard and closed off, like he's putting his barrier back up. It seems as if you've squandered your opportunity to get through to him. 

You're about to back away, when his words stop you. 'If I am unable to do as you say, would you still stay with me?' Oh, now it makes sense. He's steeling himself for rejection.

You smile softly at him. 'Of course I would. I've stuck by you this far, after all.' He almost cracks a smile of his own, making your heart flutter slightly. You wonder what he looks like when he smiles…

Scar's voice seems even huskier than usual when he speaks again. 'I told you before I left for Central that I didn't deserve your compassion. Yet you have always given it to me. It makes me wonder if I could be another man. The kind of man who deserves a woman like you.' 

You blush quietly. Could he someday accept your feelings for him? It seems like too much to hope for. However…

'You've always had my compassion because I've always felt as though you deserve it. Yet you still don't view yourself as a worthy recipient of it. If there ever comes a day when you finally see as I do, when you finally see your worth or have found some kind of redemption outside of vengeance, I could give you so much more than compassion. I could give you love.' 

Tension returns to the air, and for a moment, nothing exists except the two of you. If this were a fairytale, you'd lean in and kiss him, show him that you're capable of loving him. It isn't though, so you don't move an inch. Instead, you wait for his answer.

He brings his hands up to hold yours. 'If I ever see myself as worthy, I won't hesitate to take you up on that. However, as it stands, I can't accept your love.' He takes your hands away from his face, and places them in your lap. You can't help the disappointment that floods through you. So close, yet so far away...

Scar clears his throat. 'We should discuss the girl, and her insistence that we are husband and wife.' Oh, so it does bother him. Of course it does, why wouldn't it? 

You frown slightly. 'If it bothers you, we'll tell her the truth when she comes back.' You desperately try to hide the disappointment in your voice. 

Scar's expression remains neutral. 'It doesn't bother me. It's you I'm concerned about. What if you find someone you wish to be with during our travels? I would hate her to think poorly of you, should you choose to give your heart to another.' 

Your heart melts at his words; he's concerned about your feelings. There really is a good man hiding behind all of that rage.

You chew on your lip before answering. 'My heart is already taken.' 

Scar leans close to you, and for a moment you're convinced he's going to kiss you. You close your eyes instinctively, waiting for contact...

'Eh, that was horrible! People treated me like no more than a common beggar! Don't they know who I am?! Anyhow, I'll get the fire going now. Not that we have much to cook…' Any likability Yoki possessed us now official gone. How could he ruin such a perfect moment?!

Reluctantly, you open your eyes, only to find Scar staring into them. They seem to hold the same annoyance yours surely do, with a hint of something more passionate. Was he really just about to kiss you? Will he try again in the future? Has Yoki just destroyed any chance of that happening?

He gently squeezes one of your knees. His hand is so big, it make your leg look like a twig! So much power, yet such an intimate gesture. 

With a heavy sigh, you stand up, and head over to Yoki. He'll undoubtedly need help getting the fire started.

You pretend not to notice Scar staring at you as you do.

\------------------

Scar watches his love help Yoki tend to the fire. 'No,' his mind tells him, 'she's not your love, you have no right to refer to her as such.' And yet, as he thinks back over her words, it's the only phrase that fits. 

He was a fool to think he could conceal his feelings, and an even bigger one to try and kiss her. He's just told her that he'll accept her love when he feels worthy of it, yet here is, willing to engage in carnal activities without a moment's thought. His first taste of her lips should be something special, at a point in time when he's done something special to earn it. As it stands, he has done nothing to deserve her touch. Maybe, in time, he can change that.

'But how?' Asks his treacherous mind. 'How can you complete you revenge and earn her love? The two things are the complete opposite. Revenge is hard and cold, yet her love is soft and warm. In the end, you'll have to choose between in the two. Is her love really worth giving up your goals for? What would your family say? Would they be angered by your decision not to avenge them, or gladdened by your choice to choose life with her over dying in their name?' He wishes he dearly that he could have both, but he knows his mind is right. He can only choose one, and right now, it's vengeance.

Then why had he tried to kiss her?

His heart and his head are at war with each other, fighting for his very soul. His head will lead him to damnation, yet his heart might lead him to salvation. Which path should he walk?

The young girl, Mei, returns from her searching alone. It seems her friend is still lost. She herself looks lost. 

She breaks into sobs, and his love doesn't hesitate a moment before wrapping her arms around the youngster. It's amazing how much she has come to care for her in the short time that they have known each other. She almost treats Mei as if she were her daughter. The woman clearly has a big heart.

'And it's yours.' His heart whispers to him. 'She has chosen to give it to you. How could you refuse such a precious gift? You should help Mei in her search. It would make her heart sing with joy, of that I'm sure. Do it for her, and you'll be one step closer to earning her love.' It has been so long since he last listened to his heart. He had almost forgotten how kind it could be, when not polluted by anger.

He stands up, and walks over to the two women. Mei steps back from the women to look at him, tears still streaming from her eyes. 'Come, girl. We'll have better luck finding her if we search together.' 

Both woman smile at Scar, and for a moment, he's certain he sees love in both pairs of eyes. One of them seems to hold familial love. The other?

The other holds a love that he wishes to make his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, did you like it? I'm concerned that it seems to be moving quite quickly, but in my mind, time does pass in-between chapters, so the relationship progresses bit by bit off-screen (or page as the case may be)
> 
> Anyhow, I hope to see you all again soon :)


	6. Deus Vult

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all,
> 
> Time for a new character to join the team :) This chapter is mostly filler by-the-by, but I hope you enjoy it anyway.
> 
> Here we go!

Scar and Mei have been gone all night now, and you’re beginning to grow concerned for them both. So concerned, in fact, that you’ve started pacing up and down your makeshift camp, trying to expend your nervous energy.

They’ve both disappeared to look for Xiao-Mei, who went missing when they were attacked by the Amestrian Military. You hadn’t been at all surprised when Scar had offered to help Mei find her, his hidden kindness putting itself on full display. If only he wasn’t so intent on hiding it all the time…

Yoki becomes irritated by your pacing. ‘Sit still, woman! Running laps around the camp like a lunatic is only going to draw attention to us. We should lay low for a while longer, then assume they’re both dead, and move on with our lives.’ He lounges back against the wall, casual as anything. Meanwhile, your mind has began to race even faster. What if they are both dead? What if they’ve been captured? What if they’re both face down in a sewer somewhere, in desperate need of help? You should try to find them.

Then again, what good can you do? You’re not a fighter like Scar, nor are you a practitioner of Alkahestry like Mei. If you ran into trouble, trouble would beat you easily. That, and you’d like to think Scar wouldn’t want you to put yourself in danger for his sake. You can almost imagine the disapproving scowl he’d give you if you did find him in a ditch somewhere...

You let out a wail of frustration; there is nothing you can do except wait.

At least Yoki hasn’t tried to make a move on you yet. Perhaps he noticed how close to kissing Scar you were the other day. You’ve thought of nothing but that almost kiss ever since it happened, even more so now that Scar has been gone a worryingly long time. If something has happened to him, you wasted your only chance to kiss him. If you’d only known what today was going to bring, you would have closed the distance, Yoki be damned. You silently vow that if Scar is alive (and you pray to God that he is), next time an opportunity like that presents itself, you won’t hesitate again. 

Your entire being breaths a sigh of relief when you see two shadows approach; one of them is quite clearly Scar.

As they come into view, you manage to get a look at Scar’s companion. He’s an older man, in his fifties at least, if his excessive amount of wrinkles are anything to go by. His hair is predominantly black, but there are a few grey patches, again due to his age. You’ve never seen this man before in your life, yet you can’t bring yourself to feel uneasy. He looks rather friendly, actually. 

Or he would do, if he did not have the eyes of a man who has seen far too much.

When the two men reach you, Scar pushes his newest companion onto the floor by a nearby wall. You immediately rush over to help the man, but Scar stops you by putting his arm out in front of you. You shoot him a look that is part puzzled, part concerned. Why is Scar being to harsh with that man? Clearly he doesn’t dislike him completely, or he’d be dead. So why is Scar treating him the same way most Amestrians treat Ishvalans? 

‘Who is he, Scar? Is he an alchemist of some kind?’ You can’t help but hope that he is. If he is, Scar has gone against his vengeful nature, and so far spared the life of an alchemist. This could be a real turning point for him, if this man turns out to be a good one.

Scar’s eyes are filled with a potent combination of sorrow and rage when he answers you. ‘This man is somewhat to blame for the destruction of our homeland.’ 

Your whole body suddenly freezes, and you have to fight to stop your legs caving in under you. All of the suffering you have witness, all the pain of losing your family… and this man was a part of that? Why? Why would he do that to your people? Did he know the devastation he’d cause? How much blood would end up staining his hands? You want to ask him all of that, but you’re afraid of what answer he’ll give you. 

A few tears escape your eyes, as you decide that you’d rather hear Scar tell you what he did. ‘How do you know that, Scar? He could just be...’

‘He’s not just another alchemist.’ Scar interrupts you, his voice low and gruff. ‘He told me of his crimes with his own mouth. He used our people to make a philosopher’s stone, and the military gave that stone to the alchemist that butchered my family.’ The pain in his voice is clear, and you feel your heart break because of it. The mere thought of Scar in any kind of pain is unbearable, especially this kind of emotional pain. Without thinking, you wrap your arms around his chest, and bring him into a tight hug. You expect him to fight it, but he doesn’t. Instead, he tentatively wraps his arms against your waist, holding you closer. You can feel his warmth through his clothing, and you find it reassuring, considering all the dark thoughts you were having earlier. 

He doesn’t allow you to hug him for long, gently pushing your body away after a few moments. He uses his thumbs to brush away your tears, his fingers lingering for a moment longer than they should.

When he puts his hands back by his sides, you look over at your newest camp mate. He has his head in his hands, refusing to look in your direction. You walk over to him, earning you a gasp from both Scar and Yoki (who’s been uncharacteristically quiet through this exchange). The man must sense your presence, as he looks up at you as you draw ever closer. 

You stop only a few steps away from him, and stare intently into his eyes. Up close, you can see guilt running through them, as well as pain. It’s clear to you that this man is suffering with the guilt of what he’s done. Then again, after all of those deaths, you’d have to be some kind of monster not to feel anything.

He looks likes he’s about to talk, but you cut him off. ‘Did you know what they were planning to use the stone for?’ 

He looks taken aback by your question. ‘No. At least, they never explicitly told me that’s what they were planning. I knew they planned to use it in the war, I just didn’t know it would be given to the worst possible alchemist...’

You think on his answer before asking another question. ‘What happened to the Ishvalans you used to make the stone? Are they still alive?’ Scar takes a sharp inhale of breath, and the man before you turns a worrying shade of pale green.

‘The stone… it’s made from people. Living souls… that’s the main ingredient in a philosopher’s stone. The stone that I created was made from your people. I’m so terribly sorry.’ Your hands fly over your mouth in shock, and you end up falling to your knees in shock. A weapon of mass destruction, made from the very people it slaughtered. What kind of sick joke is this? Surely this can’t be real? 

You’re at a total loss for words. The only thing that comes out when you try to speak is a series of squeaking noises. Scar used your stunned silence to add in some more information. ‘This man was being held by these human-like who claim to have started the war. From what was said, I believe that Ishval was only a small part of their plan. 

‘When he was alive, my brother studied both alchemy and alkahestry. His research notes might help us take down the evil that lies below Central. Doctor Marcoh here will decipher them.’ A doctor? How could a doctor do something so evil as use people as ingredients? Maybe that’s why he looks so guilty; there’s no way genocide is included in his hypocratic oath.

Still, it sounds like Scar has found a new target, one that sounds truly evil, as opposed to the debatable evil of alchemists. This is something you’re more than willing to support. In fact, you encourage it. Maybe if he does this, Scar will realise the good in himself, and give up his quest for vengeance once and for all. After all, it sounds like these mysterious new targets are more to blame than anyone else. Maybe he’ll move on when they’re gone…

Speaking of gone… ‘Where’s Mei? Isn’t she with you?’ You finally manage to speak.

Yoki buts in before Scar can answer. ‘Oh, yes. It seems she isn’t here. What a terrible shame, we shall just have to go without her and that furry pest...’ Scar growls at him, and he cowers, probably regretting opening his mouth.

‘She was injured when we tried to escape. I had to give her to the Fullmetal Alchemist. It was her only chance of escape.’ Oh, no. That’s not good. Really not good. What if he decides to hold her captive, as a way to lure Scar out? She’s so young, surely he wouldn’t… he couldn’t. What about her injuries? Are they severe? You’ve moved camp a little since you last saw her, what if she can’t find you? You have to find her, you have to help her, you have to…

‘Ah, hello little girl. I see you found us alright then.’ Did Yoki say little girl? Mei? She’s back? You turn around and, sure enough, Mei is approaching, Xiao-Mei sat on her shoulder as usual. Relief washes over you, as your group is finally reunited again. 

You give Mei a fond smile. ‘You found her, then?’ 

Mei beams up at you. ‘Yep, and it was all thanks to your husband, Mrs. Scar. I never would have found her without him. I also got a chance to meet the Fullmetal Alchemist. He was rude, but his younger brother is a true gentlemen. I hope I get to see him again some day.’ You think the chances of that happening are very high, if she keeps travelling with Scar. The reunion probably won’t be what she’s expecting though…

Mei looks behind you. ‘Who’s that?’ 

You smile at her, though it doesn’t quite reach the sides. ‘That’s Doctor Marcoh, he’s going to be travelling with us I think. He is the man responsible for creating a philosopher’s stone.’ Mei’s eyes light up, and you soon realise you’ve made a dreadful mistake mentioning the stone.

She rushes over to Marcoh. ‘Oh, oh, please, Sir, teach me how to make a philosopher's stone. I really, really need one, please help me make one.’ She begins shaking at his shirt.

Scar glares at her. ‘That’s enough!’ He snaps. ‘You don’t know what you’re asking. You shouldn’t wish for such things.’ He walks over to Marcoh, puts his hand over his face, and then…

You hear the sound of a transmutation being performed, and the tale tell lightning appears around Scar’s hand. He’s murdered Doctor Marcoh after all, then. Perhaps he didn’t want to risk Mei finding out about the stone? You don’t think Mei wouldn’t resort to murder to get what she wants, but Scar clearly does. But then, who’s going to help decipher Scar’s Brother’s notes if Marcoh is dead? You’re so confused.

Scar lets the body drop to the floor, and you nearly jump out of your skin when you hear noises coming from it. 

Scar looks at Mei. ‘I only removed the top layer of skin. You can heal him, right?’ 

Mei puts on her determined face, despite the fear in her eyes. ‘Of course I can, Mr. Scar.’ Mei returns to Marcoh’s side, and begins to repair the damage Scar has just caused. 

Scar puts his hand on your shoulder, prompting you to look up at him. ‘I’d like to speak with you in private.’ You’re not sure how much privacy this small alleyway allows for, but you follow him anyway, eager to listen to what he has to tell you. However, after what you’ve discovered today, you can’t stop your hands from shaking.

Scar leads you just around the corner, out of sight and hearing range. He puts both of his hands on your shoulders, and looks straight into your eyes. There’s fear in them, hidden just behind his usual stoic gaze. 

When he speak, his voice is low and husky, and so quiet you almost struggle to hear him. ‘There’s a refugee camp not far from here. You should go there immediately. It is no longer safe for you to be with me.’ Scar wants you to leave? After everything you’ve said and done over the last few weeks? After everything you’ve told him? No. No way. You’re not leaving. He needs all the help he can get if he plans to take on such a mammoth task. Sure, you might not be able to fight like Mei, or be an alchemist like Marcoh, or be a… Yoki, but still, you can help him somehow.

You shake your head at him. ‘No. I’m not leaving, Scar. I told you I’d stand by you no matter what, and I meant it. Just because your target has changed, doesn’t mean my feeling have also altered. If anything, I’m more certain of my promise than ever before.’ You stand up as straight as you can, accidentally shrugging off Scar’s hands as you do.

Scar’s eyes are difficult to read when he answers you. ‘The situation is far more dangerous than it was when you said those words. I don’t want you involved in this. If anything happens to you...’ He clenches his fists and turns his head away, closing his eyes tightly as he does. He’s really this worried that something will happen to you? So worried, that his normal calm exterior has crumbled before your very eyes? No wonder he wanted to speak in private; he didn’t want anyone else to see him in such a vulnerable position.

You gently place your hand on his cheek, and turn his head to face you. He opens his eyes slowly, and you see that fear has completely over his mind. 

You speak softly and calmly, trying to soothe his anxiety. ‘I’m already involved, Scar. I’ve been involved in this the moment my family was slaughtered, along with so many others. This is my fight too, and I don’t want to let anyone else fight it for me. 

‘As for my welfare, all I can say is Deus Vult.’ You smile softly at him.

He looks a little started by your choice of phrase. ‘‘God Wills It’? Are you saying that you’re willing to put your life in the hands of God, despite everything you have just heard?’ He looks so bewildered, like you’re speaking a foreign language or something.

Your smile grows a little wider. ‘Yes, I am. You may have rejected every gift that God has ever given you, but I know that’s only because you don’t feel worthy of his love, or the love of anyone for that matter. Yet despite everything, you’ve still managed to find someone in this world that cares for you. I don’t think God wants you to be alone any more. I think he wanted us to meet, and that he wanted me to stay with you. So, by that logic, as long as I’m by your side, God won’t let anything happen to me. So, I’ll tell you again; I’m not leaving you, Scar.’ You’re not certain you entirely believe your own words, but knowing how deeply religious Scar is, you decide that it’s the best way to explain yourself to him. Do you honestly believe God bought you together? You’re not sure. Do you believe that you’re supposed to stay by his side? Absolutely.

Scar covers your hand on his face with one of his own. ‘I pray that you are right about that. I fear that all of my faith would fail, should anything happen to you. I suppose that ‘Deus Vult’ is as good a reason as any to stay. Very well.’ He takes your hand off of his face, giving it a firm squeeze before letting it go. 

When he speaks again he usual facade is back. ‘We should get ready to leave. My brother’s research notes are in the North. We have a long journey ahead of us.’ The North? That’s a long way to travel for a few alchemical notes. You only hope that they contain something of use to Scar.

You head back towards the others.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Scar doesn’t leave straight away. Instead, he watches his love go, his heart beating erratically after their conversation.

Had she truly meant what she said? Does she truly believe that God himself wants her by his side? Scar doesn’t know what he’s done to be given such a wonderful gift, but he has no intention of wasting it.

The way Scar sees it, as long as he stays on this new path that God has shown him, she will be safe. After all, she is the one that lead him down this path in the first place. If it weren’t for his heart wanting to please her, he may never have decided to help Mei find Xiao-Mei. If he hadn’t of helped, he would have no idea of the evil lurking underneath Central. She is the reason he’s changing his target, and one of the few things in this world worth protecting.

‘Then again,’ Scar’s treacherous mind chips in, ‘What happens when God’s plan is carried out? What does he intend for her to be? Your guide? Your friend? Your lover? Sure, you may be in love with her, but that doesn’t mean that God will let that love bloom.’ His mind startles him. Had it really just admitted to being in love with her?

‘Of course you’re in love with her.’ his heart decides to contribute. ‘Why would you be so desperate to earn her love if you didn’t reciprocate it? As for God’s plan, I think that he approves. After all, if he didn’t, he would have taken her away from you long before now, or done something that prevented her from loving you in return. The fact that she still refuses to leave your side only illustrates that the two of you are meant to be. If you help save Amestris, you’ll be more than worthy of her love.’ His heart is right, of course. Why should he let God dictate everything? Scar wants her to be his lover, his wife, the woman he spends the rest of his life with. 

Scar closes his eyes, and makes a silent prayer. ‘God, if you’re still willing to listen to me, please keep her safe. I swear to you that in return, I will help destroy whatever that thing below Central is, and save Amestris from the same fate Ishval suffered. Even if it kills me, as long as you honour your side of the agreement, I shall honour mine. Just, don’t take her from me.’ Scar doesn’t know if God heard him on not, but he hopes so. 

As Scar makes to join the rest of his little group, a feather falls from the sky, and lands on his shoulder. Perhaps God heard him, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, am I still keeping everyone in character? I hope so.
> 
> Also, I hope all of my talk of religion hasn't offended anyone. It's just, well, Scar is very religious, so it seemed important to include it in the story somehow ^.^'
> 
> I hope to see you all next time, and thank you for reading :)


	7. Frozen Heart In A Frozen Land

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello,
> 
> Sorry this has taken so long. Been having a few... mental issues. Still, better late than never I hope :/ This chapter is quite short, but I intend to make up for that next time. I hope you enjoy ^.^

As one of your company is a wanted fugitive, and the other an escapee, Scar had decided that it wouldn’t be safe to travel as one big group. Dr Marcoh had suggested that he travel with Scar, putting both wanted men together and completely drawing attention away from the rest of the group. However, give how vital Dr Marcoh’s alchemical knowledge is, Scar didn’t want to risk him being recaptured, should anything go wrong with Scar’s plan. He’d suggested passing Yoki off as Dr Marcoh, while the real Dr Marcoh travels with you and Mei to the North. After your group had agreed to the plan (which involved a lot of coercion insofar as Yoki was concerned), Scar had drawn your party a map, and your group had separated, Scar promising to catch up to you as soon as possible. 

You’d hated having to separate from Scar again, but ultimately figured it was for the best. After all, Scar may be an exceptional fighter, but you can’t expect him to fight off soldiers and protect your entire group. Besides, if Scar goes through with his plan to act as a decoy (which he obviously will) then your presence would have only slowed down proceedings. It’s far better for you to travel with Mei and Marcoh, who are less likely to be pursued. 

That’s how you’ve found yourself in your current position, huddled beside a small campfire in the middle of the northern tundra. You’d managed to follow Scar’s map perfectly, locating the notes with relative ease (and a lot of digging). However, you’d discovered that in order to translate the notes (which seem to include a lot of ancient Ishvalan), you’re going to need Scar’s help. 

The revelation had initially disheartened you. It seemed as if fate was against you, deliberately putting obstetrical in your way. That is, until you’d remembered the words you spoke to Scar before you separated. ‘Deus Vult’… if that holds true, then God must want Scar to meet you all in that cabin. Perhaps this is all part of his plan…

Perhaps you’re just wishful thinking.

You’ve been debating it with yourself ever since you discovered the notes. It’s been days now, and there’s still no sign of Scar. Panic and doubt have already begun to plague your mind, corrupting any ideas about faith or fate. The longer Scar is delayed, the more your worries grow, and the more you begin to think that something dreadful has happened to him. 

Mei seems to share in your worries, as she has spent most of her time staring out of the widow, hoping to catch a glimpse of the man she assumes to be your husband. You’ve joined her on more than one occasion, silently hoping that you get the chance to see him again. You have already broken a vow to yourself, missing out on yet another chance to kiss him. What if that was your last chance? You’ve missed out on so many chances, one of these days it really will be the last! You just hope that today is not one of those days, and that fate or God gives you the opportunity to fulfil your silent oath.

You move away from the window when you hear a coughing sound. The cold has been affecting Dr Marcoh ever since you arrived up north. At first you’d felt a perverse sense of glee. ‘Let the man suffer,’ you’d thought ‘as he let my people suffer.’ But over time, you’d softened to him considerably. After all, mistakes or no (and he has made some terrible ones), he’s human. You don’t wish any ill on Scar for killing other humans, so why should you wish any on Marcoh? Just because he killed your own people, doesn’t mean he should be treated differently. Then again, you’re not in love with Marcoh…

You approach the man slowly, a concerned look on your face. ‘Are you alright, Doctor? You’ve been coughing quite a lot lately. Shall I find more logs for the fire?’ You’ve appointed yourself keeper of the fire, making sure that it never burns out. As there’s little dry wood in such a snowy area, you’ve been forced to burn the few finishings you’d found when you got here. You have enough wood left for a few more hours; you’ll have to find more before the fire burns out. 

Dr Marcoh coughs, looking at you with guilt in his eyes. ‘No, it’s alright. I’m fine. If anything, I should be the one fetching the logs. Men who have done the things that I have done don’t deserve any kind of sympathy or care. You should be making me do all the hard work, to compensate for all of the bad I have done.’ You’d initially assumed that Scar was the champion of self-pity, but Marcoh seems to have taken that title from him. 

Without thinking, you put a comforting hand on his shoulder, and give him a small smile. ‘Helping us decipher these notes will be compensation enough. If we succeed, you could save millions of lives. That more than makes up for one mistake. Please, try not to dwell on the past. If Scar can look past his hatred of alchemy and alchemists, then you can overcome your guilt. The fact that you feel guilty at all shows that you are a good man, despite the actions of your past. Do not let the past consume you. Learn to move on.’ You can see tears forming around his sunken eyes, and worry that the tears will cause his newly-formed skin to sting.

He gives you a smile of his own. ‘Thank you for your kind words. I can see why Scar cares for you so much; you act as a balm for his wounded soul. It takes a remarkable person to see the good in people like me, and in people like Scar. You are clearly a very special woman. I only hope that your kindness is not your undoing.’ What does he mean by that? Why will showing him and Scar kindness be your undoing? Perhaps he is talking about the authorities catching up to you, and you being arrested as an accessory to Scar’s many murders? 

Your smile widens. ‘If kindness ends up being my undoing, then I have lived a wonderful life. So many people become undone by hate or by anger, and end up living out their days regretting every move they ever made. Even if it kills me, I shall never regret being kind. Even if my kindness seems insignificant in the grand scheme of things, and only affects a few people, it is still better than adding to the cruelty in the world. Besides, a man like Scar needs kindness in his life. He has seen so much death, and so much destruction that he has become undone. If my kindness helps him put himself back together even a little, then I would gladly accept death, knowing that I gave my life in exchange for a chance for him to regain his.’ Your voice breaks at the end of your sentence, crushed by the weight of your own sentiment yet again. Does Scar truly mean that much to you? You may only have known him for a few months, but in that time, he has come to mean so much to you. You’d even go so far as to say that you’re in love with him. Then again, you’ve been in love with him ever since you told him you could give him love…

Mei, who has been listening in on your conversation, suddenly bursts into tears. ‘M-Mrs Scar, I had no idea you loved him so mu-uch.’ She rushes over to you, Xiao-Mei on her shoulder as always, and wraps her arms around you, hugging you with all her might. Even Xiao-Mei tries to hug you, stretching her tiny arms across your cheek. It’s clear that they both care for Scar also, which brings joy to your heart. To think that a man who started out with no one now has what you’d call a makeshift family. It reminds you of what Yoki said ages ago, about Scar putting a child in you. It seems that you’ve missed out that step, and just accepted the elder child as your own; it’ll break your heart when she returns home.

Before you can say anything, the door behind you creaks open, and your heart fills with relief; it’s Scar!

You detach yourself from Mei with such haste that poor Xiao-Mei tumbles straight onto the floor. You barely register that though, as you’re too busy flinging yourself at Scar, wrapping your arms around him tightly. To your surprise, he returns the embrace just as enthusiastically, hugging you even closer to him. Then, your heart seems to skip a beat, as you feel a warm pressure on your forehead; Scar kissed it. He actually kissed your forehead! If it weren’t for his hold on you, you’d probably swoon dramatically onto the floor, like someone out of a romance novel. You’re really thankful that you can’t, as you’re certain Mei and Yoki would taunt you until your dying day (well, Yoki would taunt you; Mei would squeal about how cute you and Scar are together). 

Eventually, Scar softens his embrace, but he still keeps you close as he speaks. ‘We can’t stay here. The army know where we are. We need to move.’ You’ve been discovered? So soon? Oh, dear. Panic begins to set in, as your fears of Scar’s capture flair up again. What if they find him? What if they hurt him? You can’t let that happen, you won’t let that happen, you won’t…

Scar seems to sense your panic, and leans down to whisper in your ear. ‘It will be okay. My freedom is worth nothing without you. I will keep you safe from them, no matter what. This I swear to you.’ He’s mistaken your concern for him as concern for yourself? Does he really not understand?

You lean up to whisper something yourself. Instead of correcting him however, you end up saying something else entirely. 

‘I love you, Scar. I know you’ll do everything you can to keep us all safe.’ Scar gasps, and you’re worried that you’ve said too much.

Instead of answering you, Scar puts on his harsh visage, and addresses the whole room. ‘We’ve wasted enough time here. We need to get moving. Did you find my brother’s research notes?’ Scar lets go of you, and seems to be addressing Doctor Marcoh directly. You feel as if someone has thrown a bucket of cold water over you. Does he truly feel so little for you that he won’t even acknowledge your words? You’re not expecting reciprocation, but any kind of reaction would be better than nothing. You can feel your heart beginning to break, and you wonder if that kiss on your forehead was just for show, and if his words were little more that courtesy. Has everything he’s ever said to you been a lie?

You don’t listen to Marcoh’s reply, as you begin to pack your meagre belongings. Although you can feel them prickling at the corners of your eyes, you refuse to let your tears fall. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Scar does his best to listen to Marcoh. Truly, he does. Alas, it’s hard to hear anything over the hammering of his heart. She loves him. She truly loves him. He has yet to redeem himself, yet she has already given him love? He is blessed, to have his love reciprocated by such a woman. He only wishes that they were alone, so that he could reciprocate her confession with the level of passion and joy that it deserves. He silently vows that the next time he has her alone, he’s going to do it. He’s going to tell her that he loves her, and have his first taste of her lips. Even though his task has barely begun, he knows that he will see it through now, especially with her by his side. Why deny his feelings any longer? If this is something that they both want (and he’s certain that it is) then why waste time? Scar doesn’t know how much time he has until God calls him to his side, so why wait? He should cherish every moment with her, enjoy their fleeting time together as much as he can. 

That’s settled, then. As soon as he gets her alone, he’s going to tell her how he feels.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, sweet misunderstandings. Will these two ever get their act together? Find out next time ;)
> 
> Thank you for reading :)


	8. The Only Thing You Can Do Is Try

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey,
> 
> So, here we are. This chapter is longer, as promised. I just hope you all like it ^.^
> 
> Here we go!

You're not certain you know how long it's been since you arrived at the abandoned town of Baschool; you've been too busy focusing on your own despair to notice.

Scar doesn't love you. After everything you've said, and after everything he's said, you honestly thought that he cared for you, that he returned your feelings. For him not to even acknowledge those feeling… it hurts more than you'd ever thought possible. The days have gone by in a blur, as you've desperately tried to snap yourself out of it. After all, he still needs your help, even if he doesn't want you affection.

The thing making it hardest is Scar himself. He's been constantly trying to get you alone, asking you to accompany him on food runs and the like. As if you could face being alone with him! Does he not understand how heartbroken you are? Is he really that cruel? You've declined every single one of his requests, and instead stuck with the main group, trying your best to put on a brave face.

Today is no different. Scar has gone searching for supplies, leaving you with Mei, Yoki, and Marcoh (and little Xiao-Mei, of course). The five of you are mostly sitting in silence, occasionally breaking it with a comment or story. Mei has been talking almost non-stop about the Fullmetal Achemist's younger brother Alphonse, Yoki has been complaining about the cold, and Marcoh has been looking over the research notes again, reading aloud the little he can actually understand. Usually, you'd be happy to sit and listen to everyone, but with your feelings so broken, it's hard to focus on anything other than yourself.

That is, until Mei runs away.

It happens rather suddenly. Your group has fallen into a comfortable silence, no one having anything further to contribute to the conversation. You're certain Yoki is about to make another complain when Mei jumps to her feet and runs off, muttering something about Alphonse again.

You and Marcoh share a worried look before he speaks. 'We have to find her. If the military or those things catch up to us…' He's right, of course. You have more than one enemy right now, and the thought of having to confront either one is terrifying, especially with your group now missing three members (the only three members who know how to fight, if Xiao-Mei's biting can be called that). You have to find Mei and return here as soon as possible, or you'll risk losing Scar, too.

Without another word, you, Marcoh, and Yoki set off in the same direction as Mei, hoping that you'll be the ones to find her first.

\------------------

For an older man, Marcoh is very light on his feet when he needs to be. He walks at the front of your reduced group, with Yoki in the middle and you bringing up the rear. You can hear voices a little ways down the hall, and panic begins to take hold; there's more than just Mei in this building now.

Marcoh reaches the source of the noise first, and confirms your fears. 'The Elric brothers?!' So, they've found you. The military has actually found you. Do they know that you're all working with Scar, or is there still a way to deny your way out of this. After all, Scar would rather you lie to save yourself, rather than tell the truth and stand by him.

At least, you'd once thought so. Now you have no idea what he'd think of this…

Yoki goes next, his apparent lack of situational awareness showing clearly, as he sounds genuinely shocked when he enters the room. 'You! Edward Elric!' If Yoki ever learns to listen to the things going on around you, he might actually become more tolerable…

To your great surprise, Yoki decides that now is the perfect time to break into a dramatic monologue, falling to his knees as he tells the story of his life before Scar. If you're honest though, you're not really paying attention to that. The thing that really grabs your attention is poor Mei, who is sobbing on the floor by the time you reach the door. She's wearing a look you know all too well behind her tears; heartbreak. 

You begin walking over to her, ignoring the suit or armour trying to comfort her (as if this day could get any more bizarre). She registers your presence almost immediately, and wraps her small arms around you. 'O-oh, Mrs. Scar, I thought he loved m-me. But he's been seeing that girl instead. SHE WAS EVEN IN HIS ARMOUR!' From the look on 'that girl's face, you're certain that isn't the case. She looks very uncomfortable, but not in the way that a mistress or jaded lover would look. However, when she hears Mei speak your nickname, her face goes pale.

The suit of armour begins to say something about this girl only being a childhood friend, when he's interrupted by the very girl in question. ''Mrs. Scar'? You're married to that monster? What the hell is wrong with you?! Don't you know what he's done?!' Well, of course you do. Everyone in Amestris knows what he's done. Unless she's talking about something he's done to her personally…

Oh.

It's her.

The daughter of those doctors he killed.

She has to be, why else would she be looking at you with such hate in her eyes? Those are the eyes of someone who has felt pain close to their heart, rather than just feeling the pain of random strangers. Granted, she could be the child of any of Scar's victims, but you doubt that. After all, Scar did say that he'd seen her hanging around with the Fullmetal Alchemist. For her to be anyone else seems like too much of a coincidence.

You're about to say something, when you're cut off by a small blonde you assume is the Fullmetal Alchemist (as he's not the one Mei is crying over). 'That doesn't matter right now. What matters is this; we've learned a lot since we last saw you, Doctor Marcoh, including what it takes to make a philosopher's stone. There's something wrong with this country, and something wrong with its alchemy. That's why we need the little girl to teach us alkahestry, so that we stand a chance of putting this right.' So, they've figured out the connection, too? Well, at least you all seem to share a common goal. If that's the case, maybe there's some way you can strike a bargain with them? You'll share your information if they'll spare Scar perhaps? It has to be worth a try, at least. Maybe you could all form an alliance?

Somehow, you don't see that working. Not if this girl still hates Scar as much as you think she does.

Before you can even propose such a thing, Marcoh produces the research notes from his pocket. 'You're not the first one to figure it out. These notes were written by Scar's Brother. They're in code, but we think they hold all the answers we need.' You're certain that they do. You're not sure why, but you just know that they are.

The Fullmetal Alchemist perks up at the news. 'That great! If we can decipher them, then Al and I…' well, at least you really do have a common goal. 

Marcoh interjects. 'That's true, but translating these notes will be impossible without the assistance of Scar.' You feel relief rush through you. So, Marcoh is also willing to stand up for Scar, even if just to state his usefulness? That's something, at least. There may yet be hope for him…

Just as the Fullmetal Alchemist begins to protest, you hear an explosion outside; you don't have to see it to know that something has happened to Scar. 

Marcoh confirms your fears. 'That's the building Scar is in! Do you think the military caught up with him?' No, it can't be. He's always been so careful, so evasive. Don't tell me they've found him just as you may have found a way to spare him?

The Elric Brothers are out the door almost instantly. 'Wait here, we'll find out what's going on.' With that, the two brothers leave, the young lady they're with glaring at the door as they do. 

'So, Scar is here.' She mutters to herself, before heading to the door.

You stand and grab her arm, trying to stop her. 'Please Miss, you must stay here, it's for your own safety.' 

It looks could kill, then the one she gives you in response would have done so. 'Get off of me! He murdered my parents! I'm not just going to sit here and give him the chance to escape. He deserves to pay for what he's done! I can't believe you'd stand by him after all the people he's killed. Why would you even let him near you knowing what he's done, and knowing that the hands that hold your heart are the same that have crush so many others?' She manages to shrug you off, and runs straight for the door, not even bothering to wait for her answer. 

You stare at the door, completely numb. They'll kill him. They'll kill Scar, you know they will. The worst part? There is nothing that you can do to save him. You can't fight off two Alchemists, a group of soldiers, and goodness knows what else! You couldn't even stop that girl from leaving. It's all been for nothing, hasn't it? You've given everything you once had to help a man that does not reciprocate your love, and now he's going to die. 

Deus Vult indeed.

Well, this is it then. The first man you have ever loved, lost to the very people he now wishes to protect. 

Fuck that.

Who's says that there's nothing you can do? You can't fight, you can't carry stuff, you don't know alchemy, but you're still a part of this group. Your strength has always been reasoning and talking with others. If you can only get to Scar before the military capture him, then maybe there's a chance for him yet. 

Clenching your fists, you turn to address the group. 'Well, we can't just sit here! We have to get to Scar before the military kills him!' 

Mei stands up, a similarly determined look on her face. 'You're right, Mrs. Scar! Lets go help your husband!' The two of you are the first out the door, with Marcoh following just behind. Yoki seems to hesitate for a while, before deciding that following you is far better than being left alone.

Now all you have to do is get to Scar.

\-----------------

Your legs have never worked faster, propelling you down the numerous buildings and corridors until you near your destination. There have been a few soldier en-route, but nothing you haven't been able to avoid. There aren't as many as you'd expected though, which doesn't bode well for Scar; you may already be too late if a group of soldiers has found him.

Finally, you make it to Scar's location, and your heart stops.

Scar is there, arm wounded, bounded to a sheet of what looks like the floor. Before him stands some soldiers, the Elric Brothers, and the girl from a moment ago. One of the soldiers, a commander of some kind you think, has their gun pointed at Scar. 

You're too late…

… or are you? Scar is still alive, even talking to the young woman from earlier. As long as he's still breathing, there's hope.

Before anyone can stop you, you run towards Scar, and shield his body with your own the best you can.

The soldiers before you all seem surprised, none more so than the man holding the gun. Is he surprised that someone would stand up for Scar, or is it the fact that you're willing to get so close to him?

As they all stare at you, you hear a voice from behind you. 'Stand aside. I won't allow you to do this.' You want to turn around and answer him, but you don't want to take your eyes off of the soldiers. So, you decide to take a leaf out of Scar's book, and ignore his comment in favour of addressing the people in front of you.

'Young lady, I believe you asked me a question earlier. You asked me how I could let Scar near me, how I could stand beside him, knowing everything that he's done. The answer is a simple one.

'I love him. I love him, more than anything, and I will stand by his side for as long as he needs me to. You say that he needs to pay for his crimes, but there is another way. If you would only give him the chance to redeem himself, you would see that he is not that me same man that he used to be. He wants to help the people of this country! He wants to make amends for his crimes in the only way that means anything. If you truly think that killing him is a better option than that, then you'll have to shoot me first, because I'd sooner die than live in a world like that!' Passionate tears flow from your eyes, stinging in the cold. The whole room seems to fall silent, all eyes on you. 

It's the young woman who breaks it. She walks over to you, holding some kind of bandage material. 'If his wound isn't treated, he could die. Don't think for a moment that I forgive him; I could never forgive wanton murder. However, I think my parents wanted him alive. They did treat him, after all. There has to be a reason for that, a reason that he still lives.' 

Your tears seem to increase in number. 'There is a reason, I swear it. Thank you, thank you for showing him such mercy.' You could hug that girl, you really could.

Before you get a chance to, Scar speaks. 'You there, Miles was it? You said you hated doing this to one of your own. What did you mean by that?' 

The lead soldier, who you assume is this Miles Scar is addressing, steps forward. 'I'm part Ishvalan on my grandfather's side. I hate doing this to my red-eyed brother, but I have no choice.' He removes his glasses. 'Men, call it in.' No, they can't! They can't take him!

Scar responds to his words with a tone of surprise. 'How can you work for the Amestrian military, knowing what they did to our people?' He has a fair point. You certainly couldn't bring yourself to do such a thing.

Miles gives Scar a serious look. 'I want to change things, and the best way to do that is from the inside. I may be a small Ishvalan pebble, but perhaps someday the ripples I create will rock the country to its core.' He seems an honest man, a good man. Why can't he just let Scar go?

Scar grunts. 'I am a festering wound of hatred. I am glad that good men like you still exist. Take me in if you must, but please, spare this woman. She is blameless in all of this.' You'd hardly call yourself blameless; you're basically an accomplice at this point.

You're about to tell Miles as much, before Marcoh walks into the room. 'Wait! You can't take Scar as your prisoner! We need him! We have important notes that combine alchemy and alkahestry, but most of the details are written in ancient Ishvalan! Scar is the only one who can translate them!' You've been so busy using yourself as a human shield that you'd forgotten the one thing you had intended to do; bargain with them.

You nod at Marcoh's words. 'It's true, Scar is the only person I've ever met who can read such a language. Without him, these notes are meaningless. Spare him his life, and he'll translate them for you.' You wonder briefly how Scar must feel about you making deals on his behalf, but realise you don't care; this is the only way to keep him safe. 

Miles considers your proposal. 'Hm, that could work. If I can sneak you all back to Briggs, we can hide you until these notes are deciphered. I'll need Scar to agree to it though.' Maybe there really is a God, after all! As long as Scar agrees, that is…

Scar doesn't hesitate. 'This woman in front of me means more to me than anything. On her life, I swear that I shall help you decipher those notes.' Your heart begins to flutter, before you remember; he ignored your confession. How can he still say things like that? Are you suddenly more important because you shielded him with your body?

'Fine, its agreed then. I'll postpone your judgement until the notes are deciphered. 

'There's another matter we should address; Miss Winry here is being held as Kimblee's hostage.' He's only going to postpone the judgement? Well, it's better than nothing, at least. Maybe you can plan your escape when you make it to Briggs? Winry's situation is precarious though…

An idea hits you. 'We can take her with us. That should keep her out of harm's way for now at least. You can hide her when we get back, too.' The plan is foolproof! Mostly. You doubt they'll even be willing to trust you to look out for her, but it's worth suggesting, at least.

The Fullmetal Alchemist seems dead against it, but Winry herself seems willing.

That is, until Miles points out something. 'Kimblee is naturally suspicious. If she just goes missing, he'll be the first to suspect Ed and Al. We need to find a way to make her disappearance convincing…' you're at a loss there. If only there was some way to make it seem like an accident or a kidnapping or something…

Winry must be able to read minds, because not two seconds after you think that does she say 'Scar could kidnap me, then we could make our own way to Briggs!' It's a solid plan, one that could work beautifully. 

The Fullmetal Alchemist (who you presume is called 'Ed', which you really should know from all of Mei's little fan girl sessions) does not seem to share your opinion. 'Are you insane? You're going to let a mass murderer kidnap you?!' 

Alphonse, who had spent his time taking to two humanoid creatures tied to a pillar, interjects. 'Ed's right, it's not safe with him!' Do they really mistrust Scar that much?

You're about to come to his defence, but he beats you to it. 'I won't harm the girl. I swear it.' His word may not seem like much, but you know he'd never make a promise like that without honouring it.

Ed still seems suspicious. 'Oh yeah? Well, how about we take your girl then? Call her insurance, in case you break your promise.' 

Scar's temper flares. 'If you so much as touch her, I swear to God I'll rip your other arm off.' Shit, this isn't good. He can't just start threatening your potential allies!

Thankfully, Miles steps in. 'That's enough! We can't take her back with us without Kimblee knowing that we've spent time with Scar. He'd probably torture her for information or something. We'll just have to take Scar at his word.' Even though he was holding a gun to Scar a few moments ago, you're beginning to really like Miles. You're certain that the two of you would be friends, if he wasn't hellbent on seeing Scar punished.

Scar nods. 'You have my word as a true Ishvalan.' 

That seems to be good enough for Ed, who releases Scar from his makeshift prison. 

As soon as Scar is on his feet, you all begin to leave the room, discussing the plan as you go. Before you reach the door however, the humanoids speak. 'Wait! Please, take us with you! We failed our mission, so Kimblee will have us killed either way. Let us join you. Please?' You'd welcome the help personally, but it's not your decision. 

It's Marcoh who eventually decides to give them a chance, after warning them exactly what is at stake. Once released, both creatures shift into human form, and request to be bound 'just in case'. Well, it's more of a trust thing most likely, but that doesn't matter.

The only thing that matters is now, Scar has a chance to make a difference, with the blessing of the military. 

\------------------

Part of the plan involves your group escaping through Baschool's long-abandoned mines, lead by Yoki (who apparently used to own a mine). All you have to do is wait just inside for Scar and Winry to catch up, then you can be on your way.

It doesn't take long for them to catch up, both of them wearing near identical looks of displeasure (though that's pretty much Scar's default look at this point). When you're all reunited, you follow Yoki into to tunnels, hoping that the journey to Briggs won't take long; there's a snowstorm coming in, making the weather even colder than usual.

\----------------

After walking for goodness knows how long (mostly in silence, with the occasional conversation between Winry and Marcoh, and Yoki spouting off random facts about mining), you reach some kind of room.

Yoki immediately perks up. 'Here we go! It should be in here somewhere…' It? What's 'it'? Has he been looking for something this whole time? Why didn't he say? You could have helped him!

The room itself looks like an abandoned break room if some description, with various tables and chairs littered around. Yoki comes over to the table closest to your group, and puts something on it; some kind of map.

Yoki puts on a smug grin. 'It's a detailed map of these mines. If we follow this route here, will be out in no time!' He traces over a path of sorts, but you're too busy looking at Scar to pay any attention.

He's staring at you, something hiding just behind his eyes. Is he mad at you for making him help the military? Does he disapprove of something you've done? Is he angry that you keep telling him and everyone else that you're in love with him?

Without his eyes leaving your face, Scar addresses the whole room. 'If you'll all excuse me, my wife and I have something to discuss outside.' He must be angry if he wants you alone!

Yoki sighs. 'Very well, Sir. Just don't take too long. I think we'd all like to eat at some point in the near future.' Well, it looks like you have no choice. You can't exactly refuse to go with him; that would probably upset poor Mei. Besides, he can't say anything to you that will break you any further. He already rejected your love; he can't cut out your heart twice.

Scar leads you out of the room and down the corridor, far enough from the others that he's sure you won't be overheard. 

Just as you're about to ask him what he wants to talk about, he pushes you against the tunnel way, and crushes his lips against yours.

His kiss isn't gentle, but you've never really thought that it would be. It's as rough and as harsh as the man himself, but with a tenderness hidden just below the surface. One of his hands grabs your hip, while the other weaves into your hair. He uses his hold to pull you away from the wall in into his arm, apparently wanting as little distance between you as possible.

For your part, all you can do is stand there as Scar ravages you, your heart beating wildly and your head swimming with confusion. He kisses like a man in love, yet you know he is not. This whole situation is a conflict of ideals and actions, not entirely unlike Scar himself.

When he realises you're not responding to him quite as enthusiastically as he's kissing you, he pulls his lips away, but keeps your foreheads touching. 

'Never scare me like that again. To think that I might have lost you, before I had to tell you how I feel; I love you so much. You are the only good thing in my life, the one thing that means anything. I've been waiting for the perfect time, the perfect moment to tell you. Yet every time I've tried to get you alone you've said no. Then I realised; there is only ever going to be a perfect time, or a perfect moment. Every moment with you is perfect.' The tears have come back now, but they're tears of happiness. He loves you… is this really happening?

He brings his other hand up to wipe away your tears, a smile appearing on his face. It's so beautiful. You wish he'd smile more…

You smile back, unable to stop yourself. 'Why didn't you tell me the other day? I've spend all this time worried that you don't feel the same.' Probably a bad time to bring up the past, but you have to know the truth.

Scar's smile doesn't fade. 'Those words are for your ears only. I will not have them wasted on anyone else. I love you, and only you. You're so beautiful…' He brings you in for another kiss, and this time you return it enthusiastically. You can't believe that this is happening, but you're not going to waste time questioning it.

When the kiss breaks, you smile at each other one more time. 'We should get back to the others now, before they start to worry.' You never want this moment to end, but you know you have to go back to reality. You have a country to save, after all.

Scar chuckles. 'That's true. I imagine Yoki has already found something new to complain about. Still, I'll give him credit for thinking of this. It may be the only good idea he's ever had.' 

You laugh. 'I think you're right there. Still, there is always a first time for everything.' 

Scar strokes your face again. 'There is. I just hope that there is never a last.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So… worth the wait? For the kiss, not the update of course. Be sure to let me know what you think ^.^
> 
> See you all next time (I hope)


	9. Change Of Plans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'Ello, 'ello, 'ello,
> 
> I'm back! Sorry it's taken me so long, I really have been terrible with timing lately; I didn't realise it had been two months since I last updated this. I seem to be getting back on track a bit though, so hopefully I won't keep you waiting quite so long again.
> 
> I also want to try something a bit different this time, but I'll add that at the end (as I don't want to spoil the chapter), so please be sure to read the chapter notes at the bottom of you can ^.^
> 
> Right, well, here we go :)

It feels like you've been in the mines forever. They seem never ending, like you'll be stuck in this darkness forever. You've almost forgotten what warmth feels like.

Still, there is one bright light in it all; your lips are still tingling from Scar's kiss.

For a man that's never felt the need to pursue a woman before, he kisses like a natural. You're desperate to feel his lips on yours again, but you know you'll have to be patient; you doubt he'll be willing to kiss you in company.

You jump out of your thoughts when you hear a clattering sound. Mind on edge thanks to the darkness, you yelp, body shuddering. It turns out that Yoki managed to kick a rock against a wall, but knowing that still doesn't help calm your now-racing pulse. Honestly, while you appreciate his expertise on this one occasion, he could be a little more cautious, especially given the fact that you're a group of fugitives.

Scar notices your yelp, and immediately wraps his arm around your waist, drawing you close enough to whisper in your ear. 'Nothing will hurt you while I'm here. That much I promise.' He kisses your forehead, trying to soothe your nerves.

His efforts work well enough that you manage a rather flirty retort. 'I know that. Perhaps you should promise me something else. A few more kisses perhaps?' He lets out a low chuckle, before covering it up with a cough; heaven forbid he let your current company hear him do anything other than growl!

Scar leans in even closer, whispering so softly that even you struggle to make out his words. 'The next time I get you alone, I'm going to make up for all the opportunities to kiss you that I have missed. So be warned; your lips may very well end up swollen the next time I get my way with them.' A blush breaks out over your cheeks, creeping as far down as your neck; are you really the first woman Scar has ever been interested in? Because between his kisses and his words, you're finding it very hard to believe that the former monk doesn't have a somewhat sordid past! Maybe you should ask him about it…

Hopefully, you'll get that opportunity sooner rather than later; you've reached the end of mines.

Yoki lets out a proud hum. 'Well, here we are! I told you I'd get us out!' He puffs his chest out like a giant bird, trying to impress the rest of the group.

You let out a sigh. 'As true as that is, we still have to make it to Fort Briggs, and that's going to be a nightmare; I've never seen this much snow in my life!' The snow is certainly a lot deeper than any you've seen before. You're all going to end up with frostbite if you stay out in it too long.

Without a word, Scar scoops you up into his arms, cradling you against his chest. 'The sooner we get there, the better. At least the blizzard has relented for now.' You begin to feel guilty for complaining; surely Scar doesn't intend to carry you the whole way there! That's completely unfair on him!

You're about to tell him as much, when you hear a familiar voice calling out to you from the tunnels. Is that…?

Mei hears it too, and confirms your suspicion. 'Alphonse!' Your nerves begin to fray again; why is he here? He was suppose to go back to Briggs with his brother! Has the plan been compromised or something?

Alphonse catches up to your group, panting slightly. You're slightly confused as to why he's panting; if he's just a sentient suit of armour that's completely hollow, does he even have to breathe?

Despite his face being fixed, he gives off an aura of distress. 'I'm so glad I found you! The plan is no longer possible; Fort Briggs is no longer safe.' You knew it. Of course something had to go wrong. Nothing ever goes right for you! For all you've said to Scar, you're actually convinced that God has it in for you all! Why else would all this be happening?

You're not the only one who's worried, as Yoki pipes up again. 'What are we supposed to do now? We can't go back through the mines!' Wow, first a working plan, then an accurate assessment; Yoki is on a roll right now!

Scar looks between all of you, before settling on your face. His eyes light up suddenly, as if he's had an idea. 'There's a Ishvalan refugee camp a few miles away. I'm certain they'll take us in, but we'll need to get moving.' He begins walking away, you still cradled in his arms. You're so glad that Scar has a back up plan, but the weather still concerns you. There's nothing to say that the blizzard won't resume, and it's going to be dark before too long. If you don't get a move on, you could end up in a blizzard in the wintery darkness.

With no other options, everyone else starts to follow Scar. You seem to be making good progress, until you hear a metallic crash coming from just behind you. Everyone turns around, including Scar, and what you see has you all concerned; Alphonse has collapsed, the light gone from his 'eyes'.

Winry and Mei rush over to him, and desperately try to wake him up. When that fails, the two women start crying, the evidence of their frustration trailing down their faces.

Winry wipes them away, trying to put on a brave face. 'He'll come back. He has to. We can't just leave him here.' She tries to drag him, but to no avail; he's just too heavy.

Yoki says as much. 'That armour weighs a tonne. There's no way we could carry it. We should just leave him there.' Well, there goes all the merit Yoki has earned himself. It would be wrong to leave him like this, especially given how much Winry cares for him.

Mei cares for him too, and proves as much when your looks up at you with watery eyes. 'Please Mrs. Scar, we have to help Alphonse!' Xiao-Mei also starts crying, and your heart breaks for all three of them. If only you could spread the weight somehow…

An idea hits you. 'Yoki's right, no one person can carry all that weight, but between us… if we split up the armour, we should be able to carry him in pieces. We can reassemble him when he reaches the refugees. That is if it'll work… could we do that Winry?' You're not certain how Alphonse's body works exactly. Will disassembling him kill him?

Winry gives you a tentative nod. 'I think so… as long as we don't disturb the seal in the armour, Al's soul shouldn't be disconnected.' 

Mei puts on her determined face. 'Well then, lets do that! Although, we're going to need Mr Scar's help…' that's not a problem at all.

You give Scar a quick kiss on the cheek. 'You heard the lady, my love; time to put me down.' You're still not best pleased that he has to carry something, but a single piece of armour surely won't be much heavier than you…

Scar shakes his head. 'I'm not going to risk you getting too cold. There's rope in my pack; tie the armour to my back. Then I can carry the alchemist and my wife.' With time running short, no one has time to argue with him. Instead, they do as instructed, strapping Alphonse's torso to Scar's back. Scar lets out a grunt of discomfort, before he shrugs it off and keep walking, his pace still brisk despite his latest encumberment.

Everyone else picks up a piece or two of armour, and you group sets off again, still determined to reach shelter before nightfall.

Comfortable in Scar's arms, you find yourself drifting off to sleep.

\----------------------------------

The first thing you register when you wake up is that you're in some kind of building. Relief floods through you; you've made it to camp.

Your eyes scan your surroundings. You appear to be in a cabin of sorts, not too dissimilar to the one you, Mei, and Marcoh had shared when you were waiting for Scar. That means that you're definitely still North, although that should be obvious given how cold it is. Besides, you doubt you could have slept through a border hop…

Your group seem to be standing in a circle, with several sheets of paper spread out on the floor before them. They're all so deep in thought that they haven't registered your lucidness yet, which is fine by you; you're too sleepy to be of any use to them right now.

From the few snippets you pick up, it seems like they're pouring over the notes that Scar's brother wrote, and seem to be getting somewhere, if all the enthusiastic chattering is anything to go by. In fact, given just how enthusiastic they are, you're pretty sure that they've figured them out, at least partially. You smile to yourself; it seems things are starting to look up again.

Scar notices you from the corner of his eye, and begins walking over to you. 'You're awake. That's unfortunate. I was hoping you'd sleep through until morning. We didn't make it to the refugee camp, but we found this cabin on the way there; we're resting here, then heading on to he camp in the morning.' Well, it looks like finding this cabin was a stroke of luck, then. Maybe the plan going to pot wasn't the worst thing that could have happen…

You offer Scar a sleepy smile. 'That's okay. It means I get to see your face again. Does this mean I have to take first watch?' It seems only fair, after all; you've had more rest than everyone else.

Scar seems to blush a little, but doesn't speak. Mei however… 'Oh, well actually, we all decided that Alphonse and the Chimeras would do that. We've divided up all the available beds; you and Mr. Scar get your own bed. We thought you'd like to spend some time together; you did save Alphonse, after all.' Oh, that's right, he was in pieces the last time you saw him! Is he alright?

You catch sight of him fully assembled and upright; that's a relief. When that wares off, anticipation settles in your gut; did Mei say quality time with Scar? Sharing… sharing a bed?! Well, things have certainly taken an interesting turn!

You smile, not wanting to upset Mei. 'That's very sweet of you all. When are we all retiring?' Your heart is beginning to race, erasing any lingering tiredness. In one way, you want to delay the inevitable; you have no idea what's going to happen between you tonight. Will Scar be content to just sleep next to you, or will he expect other things? You're so inexperienced, what if you mess things up with him? It's taken you so long to get this far with him, what if you ruin it all in a single evening?

On the other hand, the thought of having Scar to yourself, all alone… you're almost hoping he will make a move again! Even if it's just more kissing; he did promise you more, after all.

Yoki yawns obnoxiously. 'I think we should all head off to bed now personally. I'm absolutely exhausted.' From doing what? He's done just as much work as everyone else! Except you, of course…

Marcoh nods. 'I know I've little right to complain, but I find myself in a similar situation. I'd be happy to retire now, too.' The two chimeras grunt in agreement.

Mei beams up at you. 'That's all settled then. You and Mr. Scar are just through there. I hope you have a nice night.' Even though she's only a child, you're sure Mei is insinuating something…

Still, who are you to protest against it?

You give Scar a warm smile. 'Shall we?' His eyes seem to widen, and you realise you've only reinforced the innuendo in Mei's statement. You're really making things interesting for yourself tonight…

Everyone else seems to scurry off quickly, not wanting to hang about and hear the two of you have some… quality time. The only one who lingers is Yoki, who soon goes running when Scar gives him a pointed stare. 

With Yoki gone, the two of you head towards the bedroom.

\-------------------------

The moment you both step inside, Scar pins you against the wall with another passionate kiss, one hand on your face as another grabs your hip. Having expected such a reaction, this time you're ready for him; you return his kiss just as enthusiastically. 

The kiss seems to last forever, it's intensity never waning. Only when you find yourself struggling to breathe do you softly push him away, taking in a desperate gasp.

Scar's breathing comes out as a series of pants as he being to speak. 'I did warn you that I planned to make up for missed time. I only hope that the idea of us sharing a bed does not trouble you. If it does, then I shall gladly sleep on the floor when you tire of my kiss.' Tire of his kiss? You don't think you'll ever tire of his kiss!

With your head still spinning from momentary lack of oxygen, the only smile you can manage is a lopsided grin. 'Why would I want that? Can I not trust you to keep your hands to yourself?' You almost hope that he can't, but your nerves are still there, just underneath the surface. You're so convinced that he'll be disappointed by your efforts…

Scar's grip on you seems to tighten. 'I won't force myself on you, if that's what you're worried about. I have self-restraint enough that I'll stop if my attention is unwanted. However, I won't deny the way that you make me feel. My hands would inevitably move to caress you, should you choose to let me into bed with you. The choice is yours.' You've no doubt that he's being sincere, which does help soothe your worry a little…

It also reminds you of an earlier though. 'Have you ever… well, you know? With a woman?' Well, this is going well. If you can't even say sex, then tonight really isn't going to go anywhere fast!

Scar gives you a quick kiss. 'I've never made love to a woman before, though I must confess that I've pleasured myself to thoughts of you. I hope you don't think less of me for that.' The thought of him touching himself while thinking of you sends a jolt of something right between your legs. It's arousal, that much you're certain of; you're just not sure why the thought of him masturbating to you makes you feel this way.

You dig your nails into Scar's shoulder, working through the arousal spike. He seems to notice, as he pushes himself even closer to you, until your body is essentially trapped between him and the door. You feel something solid press into your lower half, and realise that you're not the only aroused.

Scar's voice becomes more like a growl. 'And you? Have you ever made love to a man?' Well, this is it. This is where you have to admit to Scar that you have about as much experience as he does.

You take in a deep breath. 'The furthest I've ever gone is a kiss, and it didn't last as long as the ones you gave me. I hope that doesn't bother you…' what if it does? What if he's looking for a more experienced lover, one who can take command and make up for his inexperience? 

Scar buries his head into the crook of your neck, muffling a moan. 'Bother me? You have no idea what that does to me. Knowing that every time I touch you, I'm the first man to do so… I really should sleep on the floor tonight.' You can hear a hint of desperation in his voice, and it makes you feel weak at the knees. If only you were more experienced, you'd push him on the bed and insist that he has his way with you, right here and now. In fact, experience or not, that's exactly what you want to do. You only wish you were feeling confident enough to do so.

The thing you really should be thinking about is whether or not Scar should sleep on the floor tonight. While you trust Scar not to force you into anything, in the state you're in, you're not sure he'd have to. Do you really want your first time to be here, in the middle of nowhere, in a house full of people? You've never really thought it through before now…

Is the timing great? Probably not. Location? Not ideal. Ready? Only if Scar's involved. Want it? More than anything else right now.

With your options weighing out equally, you decide to just see what happens. For all you know, Scar won't want to take it far past kissing and touching. Maybe seeing how things progress will help you make your mind up properly?

Now that a decision has been made, all you have to do is let Scar know. 

Leaning forward slightly, you whisper softly in his ear. 'You don't have to sleep on the floor tonight. I… I really don't know what I'm doing, but I'm sure I'll pick it up eventually. Besides, you've already told me you won't force me into anything. Just… I'm sorry if I'm not very good.' Your consent is good enough for Scar, who collects you into his arms. You wrap your legs around his waist as his lips meet yours again, your hands grabbing onto his shoulders as he walks towards the bed.

Scar tenderly spreads you onto the bed without breaking the kiss, carefully coving your body with his own. The heat of his body against yours feels divine, and you can only imagine how great the absence of clothes would make it feel. 

Scar breaks the kiss so you can breath, attacking your neck with his mouth instead. You close your eyes, and allow yourself to be consumed by pleasure.

\----------------------------------

Scar kisses the neck of the woman beneath him forcefully, subconsciously trying to leave a mark. He's not even sure if such a mark can be left on Ishvalan skin, but that's not about to stop him trying. He wants everyone to know that this woman, this divine being beneath him, let him touch her. Six months ago, if someone had told him he'd have a woman like her beneath him, writhing and moaning as he touches her like no man has before, he wouldn't have listened. He would have even thought them insane. But now? Now he can't imagine being anywhere else.

He's beginning to think on how far he wants to go with her tonight, or how far she'll let him go. Part of him wants to wait, wants to make their first time making love into something special. But another part of him is worried that if he hesitates, he'll be dead long before he has a chance to consummate their relationship. After all, how many opportunities to kiss her has he already wasted? If he dies tomorrow, he doesn't want there to be any regrets; to die never knowing her touch would be the greatest regret of all.

He thinks back to how they ended up here. First, they were almost stopped by the military. Then, they had to make a different plan after their new plan when to hell. To top it all off, they happened upon a cabin with a room perfect for the two of them to have some time alone. The phrase 'Deus Vult' springs to mind again, and he can't help but think that maybe tonight was meant to be.

Then again, maybe all of that has more to do with the fact that some progress has finally been made on deciphering his brother's notes, and being here with her like this is a coincidence. It could even be a test, something designed to see if he really is worthy of her.

His mind is full of possibilities, though his arousal is clouding his judgement considerably. How should be proceed tonight? Should he take everything she'll give him, or should he take it no further than kisses and a few skin-on-skin moments?

He's not certain yet, but one thing is already guaranteed; this is the best night of his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, the thing I want to do a little differently is this; I'd like to ask you all where you'd like the story to go from here. Should this night be the night, or would you rather wait for it? I'll take everyone's opinion into account, then go from there. If no one has a preference, then I'll decide myself. I just thought it would be nice to let my audience to choose for once ^.^' 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the chapter, and I hope to see you in the future :)


	10. Precipice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey,
> 
> So, I’ve taken into account all the feedback, and here with have it ^.^
> 
> Enjoy my lovelies ;)

The cold night air of the North is as brisk and as cutting as ever tonight. The wind seems to whistle through every crack in the wooden walls of the cabin, before it engulfs the occupants into its cold body.

However, no one in the cabin seems to mind the cold tonight, especially not Yoki.

He’s had his ear pressed against one of the cabin’s walls for a good twenty minutes now, desperate to hear the two people in the room next to his. The walls are a little thicker than he’s used to eavesdropping through (no doubt the thickness is owing to their location this far north), but that doesn’t stop him trying.

He’s rewarded for his efforts with a seemingly never ending chorus of feminine moans, occasionally cut off with masculine groaning. Honestly, he’s quite a bit surprised, as he never thought Scar had it in him to do something so… carnal.

Yoki ends up snickering to himself when he realises Scar’s not the only one with something unexpected in them tonight.

Oh, how he regrets not trying harder to woo their original female companion. If he had only been more serious in his flirtations, it could be him in that room now, merging the two nations of Amestris and Ishval in a rather… unconventional way. Not that Yoki isn’t certain that many of his fellow soldiers during the war already employed such a method, but with Yoki’s technique, he’s have the woman screaming from pleasure, not distress. It’s so much more fun when they’re willing, after all…

A bit like those women in Youswell. The lengths a woman will go to in order to save her family from starvation and homelessness is amazing. 

Yoki begins to wonder if that’s what’s happening in the next room. After all, Scar has been casting a rather protective barrier over his female companion since day one. Yoki also doesn’t know the details of the conversation that took place between them in the mining tunnels. For all he knows, Scar could have been telling her that if she wants his continued protection, she’ll have to spread her legs for him. It could also explain why Scar was so keen to carry her here; he wanted her to save her energy, so that he could pound her into the nearest flat surface as soon as he got her alone again. If that’s the case, Yoki can’t help but admire Scar’s strategy; get close, then take what you want. It’s a clever tactic, if you have the patience for it.

Personally, Yoki is one for a quick fix.

Speaking of which, there’s nothing he’d like more right now then to stick his hand down his trousers and take full advantage of the free audio pornography that he’s currently enjoying.

If only he’d been able to convince the others to give HIM his own room!

Alas, he’s stuck sharing with Marcoh and the Chimeras, who are planning to catch some shut eye before it’s their turn to be on lookout duty.

All three of Yoki’s roommates are giving him judgemental looks, clearly disgusted with his actions. Yoki thinks they’re all fools; how often does an opportunity like this come along?

Only when a particularly loud scream fills the cabin does Marcoh decide to forcefully drag Yoki away from the wall, making his face fall in disappointment.

Marcoh gives him a thorough scolding. ‘That’s quite enough, Yoki. Give Scar and his wife some privacy! Unless you want me to tell Scar exactly what you’ve been doing since we got in here…’

Yoki visibly shudders. ‘You make a fair point. Still, it seems a shame to waste such an opportunity. If you could only here the noises she’s making…’ like a chorus of angels in the midst of an orgy…

Jerso the chimera frowns. ‘Cut that shit out, Yoki. You can’t just creep on another man’s wife! Just let them enjoy themselves in peace. They’re gonna need it, the way this war’s going. Give them the chance to make their own happiness for a while, before fate takes it from them.’ Yoki’s about to complain, but something in Jerso’s eyes stops the words before they leave his mouth.

Robbed of his amusement, Yoki curls up on one of the beds in the room and sulks himself to sleep, willing his imagination to fill in the details that his ears are missing right now.

With Yoki now elsewhere, Zampano the chimera adds his two cents to the conversation. ‘I’ve gotta say it, I do envy the guy. Having a wife that’s willing to lay everything on the line just to be with you? Scar’s a lucky son of a bitch.’ 

Marcoh and Jerso nod in agreement.

———————————————-

Scar seems determined to ruin your neck, as he’s been attached to it for what feels like forever. You’re not going to complain about it, though; not when the mere feeling of his lips on your skin is enough to make your head spin. 

With each passing moment, you desire only one thing; to get closer to Scar. Sure, he may be pressing his body into yours, but that isn’t enough. You need to feel his skin on yours, to intertwine your bodies so completely that neither of you knows where one of you begins and the other ends. You need to feel the heat that his body is pouring out into the room against your own rapidly heating flesh. 

You need more than just a few kisses.

Scar seems to have the same idea, as he begins to tug at your clothing, almost as if he’s debating taking it off. You raise your arms to try and encourage him, and he takes your hint, unlatching himself from your neck so he can pull off the top half of your clothing. 

The chill of the room is suddenly very noticeable, but you can’t bring yourself to care; not with the way that Scar is looking at you.

His attention at the moment is focused solely on your breasts, despite the fact that they are still hidden behind a simple bra. He practically growls as you reach your hands behind your back, planning to undo your bra. To your surprise, he stops you in your tracks, grabbing your wrists and pinning to the bed either side of your head.

Scar leans in close, his voice huskier than ever before. ‘Undressing you is my job.’ With that, he releases your wrists and sticks his hands behind your back, looking for the small clasp that is hiding your breasts from him.

At that moment, you hear something from the next room that sounds suspiciously like a snicker, but it’s so muffled that you can’t be certain.

Scar sighs into your neck, hands still working on undressing you. ‘I plan to murder Yoki tomorrow. Are you in?’ Ah, so you weren’t imagining it. Yoki is listening in, and let out a snicker. You have to admit, the idea of murdering Yoki isn’t a bad one…

You tilt your head, so that you can whisper to Scar. ‘You hold him down, I’ll deal the final blow.’ Scar muffles a chuckle into your neck, and the sound melts your heart; his laughter is such a rare thing.

When he pulls his head up again, he’s smirking. ‘I think I have a better idea.’ With that, you feel your bra being unhooked, before Scar shoves it up slightly, partially freeing your breasts. He takes a nipple straight into his mouth and begins suckling, the sensation causing you to cry out in ecstasy. His assault on your nipple is as enthusiastic as his kisses everywhere else in your body, although this kissing is occasionally broken up by his teeth gently tugging on the sensitive flesh. 

Scar’s ministrations have you writhing beneath him, as you desperately try to create friction between your legs. How you’d love something harder that the thin fabric of your underwear to be rubbing against your rapidly dampening opening…

As if he can read minds, Scar shoves a hand between your legs as his mouth swaps nipples, and begins slowing rubbing you up and down.

Even through your trousers, Scar’s touch is incredible. You practically hump his hand as he continues to fondle you, any worries about your inexperience in such matters lost to the hormones flooding your bloodstream. You even begin to spread your legs, willing Scar to take his exploration further.

Then, out of nowhere, he stops. 

He removes his hand and his mouth from your body, and peers down at you, before reaching a hand out to stroke your face again.

His voice is a lot softer now. ‘Are you still comfortable with this? We don’t have to go any further if you don’t want to.’ Have you done something to make him think that you don’t? You’re pretty sure you haven’t, but if he really wants you to be explicit…

You tilt your head up, brushing your lips against his. ‘What I want is for you to continue what you were doing, although I’d like us both to be topless now. Oh, and unless I tell you to stop, it’s best that you assume I’m comfortable, because now I’m very uncomfortable; I have an ache between my legs that needs to be soothed.’ You internally cringe at your words; you sound like a bad romantic novel protagonist.

Scar whips your bra from your body so fast you barely register it, before removing his own top just as swiftly. He pins you to the bed with a kiss once again, only this time his hands do not idle. One hand grabs hold of a breast, while the other makes its way to your hip, before sliding into your trousers and squeezing your ass.

You moan into the kiss, and Scar takes advantage, shoving his tongue into your mouth as his hands continue to grope two of your most sensitive areas.

After a while, he removes the hand on your ass, causing you to whimper in disappointment, before the hand grabs at your free breast. You sigh into the kiss once more, and become so utterly enraptured that you don’t notice Scar’s other hand leave your breast.

The first you know of its movement is when he sticks it inside your underwear, and begins rubbing it against the bare flesh of your sex.

You both break the kiss, crying out in unison. You’ve never… you’d never have suspected that a mere touch could feel so extraordinary. You practically melt under Scar’s firm strokes, your legs widening as much as possible to give him more room to explore you. He takes you up on the offer instantly, and begins touching every inch of the damp flesh open to him.

Scar looks straight into your eyes, and you gasp out in shock; the intensity in them is so raw and exposed that it burns into you, engulfing you in the flames of raw passion. In this moment, it all becomes clear; this moment was meant by design, and you won’t see it wasted.

Leaning up once again, you chew on Scar’s bottom lip, whispering your revelation into his mouth. ‘I think there’s a reason I’m here with you tonight.

‘The war has already started, Scar. It started long ago, before either of us was even born. We can’t change that. The only thing we can change is how it ends. The lives of every man, woman, and child in this country is at stake, and I’m not naïve enough to think that saving them won’t require sacrifices. 

‘I know that we have only just become romantically involved; we’ve only just kissed, for goodness sake. But I feel like this will be the last peaceful moment we have, like the final calm before the storm. I don’t want to walk into that storm without having something to remind me of better times, and I’m sure that you don’t either. 

‘I think that’s why we’re here, why Miles’ plan failed. It happened so we could have one moment together, a way to remember each other, should the storm consume us.

‘I know you still feel resentment towards alchemists, but I think they may have the right of it when it comes to one thing; equivalent exchange. My virginity in exchange for yours. Two gifts that can never be taken away, and that will be remembered for a lifetime.’ Your voice hitches at the last word, as you think that in your cases, a lifetime could only be a few more days…

Scar continues to gaze into your eyes, stopping all other movements that may cause him to lose focus. You’ve no doubt he’s thinking over your words, and deciding if he wants the same thing you do. Part of you is certain he’ll reject your suggestion, telling you it’s too soon for him to do such a thing with you. After all, despite what the rest of your group (minus Yoki) think, you’re not actually his wife. Scar is a very religious person. Is sleeping with someone that he’s not married to against his moral code? If that’s so, why did he want to share a bed with you in the first place? You’re so confused right now, maybe you should apologise, or take it ba-

Your thoughts are cut off when Scar slides a finger inside you.

The moan that escapes your lips is muffled by Scar, who seems unable to refrain from kissing you for too long.

The kiss is only quick though, as he decides that he has something he needs to say. ‘You have already given me so much. When I was badly injured, you helped tend to my wounds. When I set off by myself, you insisted on standing by my side. When I was full of nothing but doubt, you gave me love. You were even willing to trade your life for mine. Now you’re here, telling me that I can be the first one to make love to you… it does not seem like a fair exchange. 

‘So, I’d like to give you something. A promise. If we managed to weather the storm, and if I am spared from execution, I intend to make you my wife for real. If you want to be, that is…’ Scar begins to blush again, but you barely notice; your eyes are welling up with tears.

When he registers you crying, Scar removes himself from you completely, and begins staring at you sheepishly. ‘I… I should not have asked you that. I cannot expect you to promise yourself to a doomed man. I shall sleep on the floor tonight. I’m sorry.’ He begins to back away, but doesn’t get very far; you lunge at him, knocking him flat on his back. You attack his face and body with an entire tirade of kisses, trying to make it implicitly clear that you don’t want him to sleep on the floor. 

When he still tries to wriggle away, you lean in close so you can whisper to him. ‘I’d marry you tomorrow if I could. I love you.’ You’re about to lean in for a kiss, when Scar suddenly sits up, forcing you to straddle his lap.

His hands begin to work on undoing your trousers as you finally get the chance to kiss him as intended, although now you have a new plan. Your hands head for Scar’s trousers, and you try to get them undone and down his legs before he can undress you.

Unfortunately for your plan, Scar is a lot swifter that he looks. He has your trousers and underwear half way down your legs in seconds, before shoving you onto the bed and finishing the job. You fight the urge to cover up as Scar stares at you and licks his lips, the passion in his eyes replaced by pure hunger. It’s almost too much for you, and you find yourself fighting the urge to look away as well.

That urge becomes easier to fight, as Scar finishes what you started, ridding himself of the last of his clothing before clambering on top of you one last time, the lack of clothing making you feel more like a single being than one.

Placing one hand on your rear and entwining his other with one of yours, Scar’s teeth tease your ear. ‘I’ll hold you to that. 

‘So, I believe you were interested in making an exchange? I… can’t promise I’ll be gentle, but I’ll do my best not to hurt you. If it’s too painful, just say the word and we’ll stop. I refuse to believe that this will be the only chance we’ll have.’ You wish you could share in his certainty, but there’s no way of knowing exactly what tomorrow holds.

You wrap your legs around Scar’s waist. ‘We should assume that it is. We should assume that every moment is our last. That way, if we live to see morning, we’ll see it as a gift, not an inevitability.’ 

Scar grins at you. ‘I promise that we’ll live to see the morning, although I can’t promise that you’ll be able to walk properly tomorrow.’ You shudder, half with arousal and half with shock. Playful bragging is the last thing you ever expected to hear from Scar!

Well, you know what they say about turnabout. ‘I hope your warrior training helped improve your stamina; you’re going to need it if you want me walking funny tomorrow.’ 

Scar seems just as shocked and aroused as you were. ‘That sounds like a challenge to me. Good thing I’m strong enough to carry you; I will have you unable to walk properly in the morning.’ He grabs your knees and pushes them away from his hips, before pinning them to the bed. 

With your opening now on display, Scar takes a hand from your leg and shoves two fingers inside of you, the stretch feeling more pleasant than you’d ever imagined it being. Then again, this is only two fingers; you don’t know what it’ll feel like when the main event finally takes place.

Speaking of which, Scar takes his other hand away from your leg as well, before wrapping it around his erection, giving it a few firm tugs. You’re completely transfixed by the sight, to the point where you feel your body providing him with more natural lubrication. He’s so… well, you’re not sure how to describe it. Thick perhaps? That seems about right. Then again, you’ve nothing to compare it to, so you can’t be certain if it’s supposed to look like that…

You’re waffling. You can’t help it. Your head is firmly in the clouds. How long have you wanted this, wanted Scar to return your love? And now, here you are, about to make love for the first time ever. Will it hurt? You’ve heard that it does. You’ve heard that some people even bleed. Will you bleed? Would Scar stop if you did? Will Scar really stop if it’s too much?

Well, you’ll soon find out; Scar removes his fingers from you, and lines himself up with your opening.

Instead of just forcing himself inside, he gives you a final kiss, and intwines one of his hands with yours once again. 

He whispers to you once again. ‘I promised you that I’d stop if it gets too painful, and I stand by that. This is your last chance to stop me trying though. If you don’t want this, I’ll understand. I’d be content just to hold you a while.’ The ridged flesh currently rubbing against your opening seems to suggest that merely holding you won’t be enough, but it’s sweet that he isn’t trying to pressure you.

It’s sweet enough in fact that it helps ease your doubts enough to let him try.

You give Scar’s hand a firm squeeze. ‘I want this. I’m scared that it’ll hurt, but what’s a little pain between lovers?’ 

Scar looks concerned. ‘’A little pain’ is more than I ever wanted you to feel. But on this occasion, I promise you, I will make it worth the pain. Are you ready?’ You take a deep breath and close your eyes, before giving Scar a firm nod.

He takes his queue, and begins to work his way inside of you slowly.

It stings. You’re hardly surprised, given the circumstances. But it’s not the terrible pain you’ve heard so many talk about. It’s uncomfortable, but bearable. 

You open your eyes again when Scar stops moving, his erection completely encased by your walls. Your eyes lock, and there is neither passion nor hunger in his eyes; there is only love.

Scar still seems concerned though. ‘Are you in pain?’ 

You give him a soft smile. ‘A little, but it’s nothing I can’t handle. Could you stay still for a moment though? My body needs time to adjust I think.’ To be honest, you feel fairly adjusted already, but you want to savour this moment for as long as you can.

Scar’s free hand grabs one-off your legs, wrapping it back around his waist. He gives you another soft kiss. ‘I’ll stay still for as long as I can. You feel… I can’t describe how wonderful you feel. All I want now is to pour all of my being into loving you, and to prove to myself that there is something in me worthy of being yours.’ 

It’s you who makes a move this time, placing your free hand over Scar’s chest. ‘Your heart. Your heart has always been worthy of me. It’s always been worthy of so much more than me. It’s the same heart that has driven your rage, certainly. But it’s also the heart that is going to save our world, and I think that’s the most worthy thing one can do.

‘Oh, and you can move now. In fact, I insist that you make love to me this instant.’ Scar doesn’t need to be told twice; he begins slipping out of you the moment the words leave your mouth, before he thrusts back in with enough force to make the bed creak in protest.

Your words are the last ones that either of you speak for a while, as the only sounds either of you can manage are either grunts, groans, or sighs, followed by an occasional moan or scream. You can feel yourself getting louder and louder as Scar’s movement speed increases, and you try to silence yourself by burying your face in Scar’s neck.

Your lover is having none of it though, as he takes his hand from your hip, grabs a handful of your hair and pulls, forcing you to cry out into the night. They seem to spur him on, so you don’t complain about your forced immodesty; though you’re certain you’ll hear all about it tomorrow.

There’s no time to think about that now though, as Scar changes your positions, sitting you up and pushing you against the head of the bed, before manipulating gravity to make his thrusts harder and deeper. 

You feel a sensation forming between your legs, one that seems wonderful yet unfamiliar. You’re not sure exactly what it is, but you’re sure it’s building up to something unbelievably powerful.

Finally finding his voice, Scar begins chanting something into your flesh. You can’t be certain, but you think he’s praying. You close your eyes, and decide to silently pray yourself. You pray that this isn’t the only night you get to have with Scar. You pray that somehow, you win this war, and Scar is allowed to live. And, should all those prayers fall on deaf ears, you pray that you’ll at least remember this night. 

You never want to forget this night. 

One of Scar’s hands moves, and begins to stroke the apex of your opening. Whatever he touches down there send your pleasure into overdrive, and you feel the world around you shatter, as you’re overcome with pleasure. 

All of your muscles seem to tense up around Scar, to the point you’re worried that you’ll hurt him. If you do, he doesn’t let on; he just keeps thrusting as if his life depends on it.

———————————————————

Scar’s earlier assessment was right; this is the best night of his life.

He can’t believe that this is happening. He never thought in a million years that he would get this far. He himself had decided that he wouldn’t take things past a few kisses and a peak at the soft skin of her flesh. 

Then she’d offered herself to him on a silver platter, and that was it. Any plans he may of had melted the moment she gave him permission to take her.

How many nights has he dreamt of this moment? How many times has he fantasised about doing this with her? The Amestrian military could storm in her tomorrow and he’d still die a happy man, knowing that he finally had the one thing he wanted more than anything; the unconditional love of another.

Her walls tighten around him, and he’s certain that soon her pleasure will peak. While he’s never seen a woman orgasm before, he knows that it’s supposed to be an experience of sexual pleasure far more intense than his own. He wants that for her, more than he wants his own end. That way, if he does die tomorrow, at least she’ll remember him for something far better than murder and hatred. 

Mustering every once of his energy, Scar begins to thrust even harder, and nuzzles into his lover’s neck. 

He starts praying into her skin, hoping that God can still hear him. He prays for her safety, as he does every other day. He prays for her happiness, which is something else he prays for often. Tonight though, he prays for two things that he does not pray for often. He prays that, when he’s gone, she’ll find someone else worth living for, someone who she can love as wholly as she him. He also prays that she’ll find herself a new protector after he’s gone, because the thought of her being alone and vulnerable kills him. All he truly wants is for her to have the life she deserves, as a woman like her deserves a beautiful life.

Scar begins to tease the sensitive flesh between her legs, and it isn’t long before her cries echo into the night, her muscles tightening around him. He finds his thrusts becoming desperate, as he struggles to hold out long enough for her to finish her orgasm.

When his lover finally seems to finish, Scar finds himself unable to hold back any longer. He releases himself inside his lover, losing himself in her as he loses his grip on reality. 

When he’s finally through, he reluctantly withdraws himself from her, the evidence of their lovemaking trickling out of her as he does. He can’t help the surge of possessive pride that washes over him, as he realises that he is the only man ever to see such a thing from her, and that, while he still breathes, no one else will get the privilege.

His lover begins to shiver, her body rapidly cooling now that it is no longer active. Scar brings her in close before grabbing the quilt that this lodge’s previous owner was kind enough to leave behind. Either that, or the owner was in a rush to leave…

The two lovers entwine themselves as closely as possible, before succumbing to sleep, neither of them able to find any words that can make the situation better. 

The only words they have are their prayers, and they have already been heard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I hope no one is too disappointed. As always, any feedback is appreciated.
> 
> Thank you for reading, and I hope to see you all soon :)


	11. Legacy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey dudes,
> 
> Yeah, my writer’s block came back -_- this was the only fic my mind could focus on, so here it is. I shall warn you all now that there is literally no plot in this chapter. This chapter is 100% pure fluff, so if that’s not your cup of tea, then I’m sorry >.<
> 
> Hope you enjoy ^.^

The first thing that hits you is how warm you are.

Given how all of your previous nights in the North have been spend huddled under thin fabrics by a poorly-maintained fire (due to the lack of burnable materials), you haven’t woken up so toasty in what feels like forever.

It almost reminds you of home.

As you begin to come to your senses, you remember why you’re so warm; you’re not alone in bed for once. 

Your lover is beside you. 

Last night, you and Scar made love for the first time, your bodies intertwined as you both poured all of your pent up feelings into each other. You can still feel his hands on you, touching your body with such skill that it’s hard to believe that it was his first time with a woman. Just the thought of him inside you has your toes curling, and you begin to wonder if everyone else is awake yet. If they’re not, perhaps Scar would be up for a repeat? It does seem a shame to waste such a perfect venue…

You hear arguing from the living room, dashing your hopes in an instant. So much for that idea…

Well, if everyone else is awake, you should probably wake Scar up. You all have quite the journey ahead of you today; another long trek through the snow.

Sighing, you turn to face the other body in the bed with you, flinching slightly as your eyes lock onto a second pair; Scar is already awake.

One of Scar’s large hands comes up to cup your face, and you push your head towards it, loving the feel of it against your skin. It’s so coarse and calloused, yet it touches you almost hesitantly, as if it’s afraid you’ll crumble beneath it.

Scar gives you a soft smile. ‘Good morning, my love. Did you sleep well? I should have redressed you, I can only imagine how cold you must be. I’ll be more considerate next time, if you’ll allow me to be with you again.’ Well, at least now you can be sure Scar can’t read minds…

You give him a wide smile in return, a blush forming lightly at your cheeks. ‘Actually, this is the warmest I’ve been for a long time. I think all the exercise paid off.’ Subconsciously, you chew on your bottom lip and rub your legs together, once again thinking on last night’s events.

Scar chuckles at your response. ‘If that’s the case, then I shall have to bed you every night.

‘Although, I should apologise to you. Last night… it was incredible. Better than I could have ever imagined. The way I felt when I finally slipped inside you… I lost myself. I should have been more gentle with you. It was your first time too, and I was so focused on what I was feeling that I neglected you. That will never happen again. From now on, I swear I shall be nothing but tender when we make love. I only hope I have not done any permanent damage.’ Any laughter in his eyes fades as soon as the apology leaves his lips, and is replaced by guilt. Does he truly feel guilt over last night? Why? He wasn’t exactly rough with you. Granted, there was strength behind his movements, but you’re certainly not about to complain! Besides, it really wasn’t all that painful in the end, although you’re sure if you stretch out your legs you’ll be sore.

Being careful to keep Scar’s hand on your cheek, you shuffle closer to him, and plant a soft kiss on his lips. ‘You have no reason to apologise to me. I have never experienced anything more pleasurable in my life. Just thinking about it is enough to make me want you again. In fact, if our companions weren’t already awake, I’d be begging you for a repeat performance. 

‘As for being too rough, that’s not true. You didn’t break me, Scar. You stretched me, sure, but I didn’t break. I moulded myself around you. I won’t deny that it did sting slightly, but it wasn’t as agonising as you seem to think it was. 

‘Oh, and you didn’t neglect me. I think everyone in a mile radius knows that you satisfied me fully. So please, do not spoil our night together with doubt. It was perfect in every way imaginable. Admittedly, I would have preferred even more privacy, but I’ll take it. After all, a few snide comments is a small price to pay for such an incredible evening.’ For such an intelligent man, Scar really is clueless when it comes to you.

Your comments seem to put him at ease. ‘I’m glad you feel that way. I’m not sure if I agree with it all, but on one thing you have my total agreement; were the others not awake, I would desire nothing more than to feel you beneath me again.’ Scar shifts his body even closer to yours, almost as if he plans to crawl on top of you again in spite of what he just said.

You do your best to encourage such motion. After all, after last night, everyone has already heard the two of you going at it. Surely they wouldn’t mind overmuch if your morning trek was delayed…

Scar ends up pinning you to the bed, his lips lazily brushing against yours before he begins kissing you in earnest. You wrap your legs around his waist, rubbing yourself against rapidly-forming erection…

Before you can get any further, there’s a knock on the door. ‘Mr. Scar? Mrs. Scar? Are you awake in there? It’s breakfast time! If you don’t hurry, I think Mr. Yoki is going to eat it all!’ Scar immediately cuts off the kiss, sighing heavily.

He turns his head to face the door. ‘We’ll be out in a moment, Mei. Make sure he at least saves my wife something.’ Your stomach growls in agreement, and Scar smiles, leaning down to rub his nose against yours.

After a few more gentle kisses, Scar removes himself from you, and begins to search the room for your clothes. You make no move to help his efforts, instead choosing to watch as his naked body dashes about the room. Although, you really shouldn’t, as it’s only making you lament the fact that you both have to get dressed.

Given the among of fighting that he does, it’s unsurprising that Scar is remarkably muscular. What is surprising is just how intimidating that makes him look naked, and how much that intimidating aura aroused you. He really could have done just about anything to you last night, gentle or not. He could have skipped all foreplay, pushed your legs apart, and taken what he wanted without a second thought. That he chose to be so tender, to treat you as a whole person rather than just focus on using your body… you really do need to kill your train of thought before you actually do decide to beg for more!

Scar hands you a bundle of clothes that you recognise as your own, and you give him a small smile in thanks. You make no further movement after that though. Instead, you watch as Scar redressed hastily, lamenting the loss of his bare flesh. Ah, well. As soon as you get the chance, you’re going to have him naked again, only this time, you’re going to be all on him with no hesitation. You’ll have him naked first, and you’ll trace over every line of muscle on him before he so much as gets the chance to kiss you…

Noticing that you haven’t moved, Scar frowns slightly. ‘Are they too cold for you? Would you like to borrow something of mine?’ And end up smelling him everywhere you went all day? You’d end up tackling him into the snow by lunchtime!

Wow, sex really has unbound your libido considerably. You only hope Scar doesn’t disapprove.

Regrettably, you shake your head. ‘They’re fine, honestly. I was just watching you dress is all.’ Why did you have to tell him that?

Scar’s eyes seem to light up. ‘You were?’ He’s smiling again, only this time it seems… smug? Is he… can he read minds? Does he know just how filthy your thoughts are? Or is he just teasing you? It’s hard to decide which possibility is most unlike him!

Your whole face reddens regardless of his comment’s intent. ‘Well I… I… of course! You have the physique of one of those ancient heroes you only read about in myths! Only, you’re real, and you’re mine! So yeah, I really like what I see.’ Since when did talking to Scar fluster you? Did having sex somehow make you more anxious about his reaction to things? That makes no sense! 

In seconds, Scar has himself looming over you again, the light in his eyes replaced by pure passion. 

‘If I look like a hero of legend, does that make you the beautiful woman I need to save from a terrifying monster? Or are you a Goddess in disguise, sent to Earth to guide me on my journey? I lay claim to you either way, just as you have lain claim to be. How I wish we were alone right now, so I could once again stake my claim. As it is, I shall just have to wait until I get you alone again. I don’t care if it’s in a bed, or on the floor of some decrepit old house. As long as there is breath in me, I shall have you again. Now, put your clothes on, before I forgo everything I just said in favour of making you scream my name loud enough to make it echo throughout the ages.’ Your eyes go wide; what happened to the man who wouldn’t accept your love a few weeks ago?

The surprise on your face must show, because Scar immediately gets off of you again, and begins to backtrack. ‘I’m sorry. I lost myself again. Should I leave you to get dressed in peace?’ What you really want to tell him to do is climb on top of you again and make good on his words! Maybe if you’re both quiet…

No, that won’t end well. Mei knows that Scar’s awake. She expecting you both. That and you don’t actually trust Yoki not to eat more than his fair share of supplies…

Reluctantly, you begin to reassemble yourself, starting with your top half. As you do so, you give Scar an answer. ‘I don’t want you to go. What I really want is for you to keep telling me all the things you plan to do to me later. Unfortunately, we really should get going. I am curious about one thing though; how am I supposed to scream your name if I don’t know it?’ Scar’s demeanour changes, and you instantly regret your words. ‘I’m sorry, that was a stupid joke. Forgive me.’ You pull on your shirt with more force than you’d planned, before gasping aloud as a pair of warm hands grab the sides of your face.

Scar strokes your cheeks with his thumbs. ‘A name is a gift from God. I gave up that gift, only for God to give me you. I do not wish to regain that which I traded for you. Truthfully, if I were to have you scream anything, it would be nothing more that an admission of your love for me. 

‘There may soon come a day when I leave this world. I have no surviving family, barely anyone I would consider a friend… all I have achieved is the murder of countless individuals, and I don’t want that to be my only legacy. If I were to be remembered for anything, it would be that I loved you, and that you loved me in return, despite everything I’ve done. If that was my legacy, I would meet God with a smile on my face, and welcome any judgement that he may give.’ Scar’s words have you bursting into tears, and you wrap your arms around his waist, his hands falling from your face as you bury your head in his shoulders. 

As the tears continue to flow, Scar cradles you into his arms, trying his best to soothe you. He must be so confused right now, having you cry into him after such a proclamation. You only hope he doesn’t mistake your tears of joy for tears of sorrow.

When you’re finally calm enough to speak, you pull back, giving Scar a soft kiss before explaining yourself. ‘You’re wrong. You do have a family. I’m your family. It’s you and me from now on. Our family of two… not bad for two people who lost everything, is it? And someday, when the war is over, and Amestris pardon your crimes on the grounds of you saving them all, we’ll move back to Ishval, and we’ll make our family even bigger. Five years from now, we could be a family of three, or even four! We could even be a family of eight for all we know! We will be your legacy, Scar. And, if you should be taken from me before we get that chance, I shall be your legacy just as you wish. I shall tell everyone who you truly were, and shame anyone who tries to contradict me. I’ll tell them that you were a desperate man driven by wrath and grief, who set all of that aside for love. I shall tell them that you were kind, and loyal, and that in the end, all you wanted was to save the very people that took everything from our people. I will see to it that people see you as a hero, not just some random serial killer. And if they ask me your name, I shall smile, and tell them that the man who lived by such deeds had no need of one. He only ever asked that I call him ‘my love’.’ You can see tears welling up in Scar’s eyes too, but he manages to fight them off. 

Instead of sobbing, he takes your remaining clothes from you, and begins to dress you, kissing up your legs as he slides on the remainder of your clothing. When he’s done, he takes your hands in his, and moves then do that your palms face the ceiling. He applies a tender kiss to each wrist before he looks into your eyes, his own pair looking brighter than ever.

For the first time since you met, there’s hope in his voice. ‘If we’re both still here in five years, I intend to make that dream a reality. Until then, I shall cherish our time together, and make sure that I leave you with enough love to last a lifetime. 

‘Now, are you ready to face our companions? If their teasing is too much, just remember one thing; if we kill Yoki, not only will the others not stop us, they’ll probably join in.’ You burst out laughing, not expecting Scar’s complete tonal shift. Scar joins in with a few chuckles of his own, and the two of you lose yourself in laughter for a few moments before you both hop off of the bed.

Well, fall off in your case.

It seems that Scar has already made good on one of his passion-fuelled promises; your legs are ruined.

Scar is by your side immediately, wrapping his arm around you and helping you to your feet. You manage to stay upright this time, but your legs are shaking. Shit, if the teasing wasn’t already going to be bad enough, Scar literally made love to you so hard you can’t walk straight! Is it too late to crawl back into bed and hide forever?

You manage to walk to the door without anymore help from Scar, although your efforts are almost ruined when he gives you a stare that screams ‘I make good on my promises’.

Today is going to be an interesting one for sure.

—————————————————-

As soon as Scar opens the bedroom door, he knows he’ll be in for a verbal bashing. Such remarks as ‘good night, was it?’, and ‘damn, I guess it’s true what they say about Ishvalans’ may be common and crude, but given that he’s travelling with three ex-military men, they seem inevitable.

Still, he finds himself more than willing to face such remarks. He feels ready to take on anything right now. In fact, give him his brother’s notes and some kind of transport, and he’ll walk right back into that lair underneath Central and show the monsters that live there just what a man in love is capable of. If he survives, then surely the man who singlehandedly saved Amestris would be given a pardon, and he could live out the fantasy life that his new fiancée had mentioned.

Fiancée. The word feels foreign. Does she recall agreeing to such a thing? She didn’t mention it, but if she’s referring to herself as family…

Now is not the time for doubt. Now is the time for relishing in his good fortune, at least for this morning. Who knows when such a thing will be taken from him…

As soon as the others notice Scar and his fiancée leaving the bedroom, Mei rushes over, pulling Scar’s love into a tight hug. Scar looks at her, thoroughly confused, as she starts bawling.

‘O-oh Mrs. Scar, I’m so-so sorry! I didn’t think Mr. Scar would h-hurt you so bad! I thought he’d just want a cuddle and a kiss, I didn’t think he’d attack you! I promise, I’ll keep him away from now on.’ Oh shit. Mei mistook the moans of pleasure for moans of pain! How is Scar going to explain to her that that’s not exactly what happened…

Before either he or his fiancée have to, Jerso starts laughing loudly. ‘Oh boy, you’ve got a lot to learn, little girl. See, when a woman makes noises like that, it’s not because her husband is hurting her; it’s because he’s making her feel so good, she can only communicate her feelings through noises. Isn’t that right, Scar?’ He gives Scar a wink, and Scar can already feel the blood rushing up to his cheeks. So much for being untouchable…

Scar nods despite his embarrassment. ‘That’s right. You know I would never do anything to harm my wife. I only want to make her happy.’ 

Mei calms down considerably. ‘Oh, so those noises mean that you’re happy, Mrs. Scar?’ To Scar’s great relief, his fiancée nods. ‘Thank goodness, I was so worried! Well, considering how much noise you were making, Mr. Scar must have made you feel super happy!’ Marcoh spits out a mouthful of water, almost choking on it from laughter. Zampano makes an attempt to hide his laughter behind his hand, but the shaking gives him away.

Yoki, Alphonse, and Winry don’t look amused in the slightest, although Winry and Alphonse choose not to comment. Yoki however…

‘Yes, well, I’m glad you’re both happy. I just hope you put something on the end of it. The role of ‘annoying child sidekick’ has already been filled.’ Scar’s thoughts begin to go into meltdown mode. He hadn’t even considered that! Hopefully he’ll be able to procure something suitable from the refugee camp…

If his fiancée has made the same mental leap, she doesn’t let on, instead choosing to retort. ‘Yeah, I’m sure you’d hate to find yourself out of a job, Yoki.’ Everyone does laugh at that, even Winry. It’s good to see that Scar isn’t the only one who’s life is brightened by the mere presence of the woman beside him…

Yoki tries to stutter out a comeback, only to be cut off by Mei. ‘I bet you must both be hungry. I managed to save enough back for both of you. We have quite the journey ahead of us.’ She gestures to a makeshift table on the floor, and Scar and his fiancée do as indicated, taking a seat in front of their food.

As he makes to eat, Scar feels a hand lightly squeeze his own, and turns to see his love looking at him with pure adoration in her eyes. As he stares back into them, he can’t help but think that Mei is right;

They do have quite the journey ahead of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I hope that was okay? 
> 
> If you liked it, be sure to join me next time, where I shall be including more stuff, and things may or may not start to get serious (hint; they will, as everyone who’s seen the Brotherhood anime/read the manga/both will know)
> 
> Until then, thank you for reading ^.^


	12. Love’s Ghost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey,
> 
> This chapter got a bit heavy, and for that I’m sorry. I’ll put a note at the end explaining why it turned out this way, but for now please try to enjoy what I’ve written if you can.

It doesn’t take long to reach the refugee camp.

Scar had opted to carry you once again, although this time it was less an attempt to keep you warm and more an apology for essentially decommissioning your legs the night before. Not that he has anything to apologise for; he’d given you fair warning that he’d make you walk funny, and you’d still gone ahead and slept with him. It was completely worth it, of course, but the situation was still within your control.

Or it would have been, if your mind hadn’t been dead set on making love.

Regardless of who carried whom and why, your party had all made it to the camp with no intervention from storms or soldiers, and were all greeted warmly by the Ishvalan residents of the camp. You and Scar received a particularly enthusiastic welcome, with the majority of the female refugees making enthusiastic squealing noises when they saw how Scar had refused to set you down even after you made it to camp.

‘How sweet!’ They’d all cried. ‘Why can’t I find a man that’ll carry me like that?’ You’d smiled politely and told them you were a lucky woman indeed, something that caused Scar to hold onto you just a little tighter.

After explaining your situation, the residents of the camp had offered you food, warm water for bathing, and had found beds for you all to use indefinitely. 

That was a few days ago, and you have to admit that you’re starting to feel at home here. You’ve been trying to make yourself as useful as possible, doing menial tasks such as washing clothes and preparing food as often as you can. The rest of your companions have been doing much the same (with the notable exception of Yoki, who seems to be treating this place like a holiday home), and all seem just at home here as you do.

It’s just a shame you’ll have to leave before too long.

The evening of your arrival, your party had all gathered together to discus a plan to save the country. Apparently, during your nap the day before, they had discovered some kind of hidden symbol in Scar’s Brother’s notes, something that the alchemists in the group think could be used to destroy a philosopher’s stone. In order to test that theory, you’ve decided to lure the homunculus known as Envy to your location. The plan was for Zampano to contact Envy, on the pretence of being a traitor to your group. He reveals your whereabouts, Envy comes, then bam! Your party lure Envy close enough to see if the symbol works or not. If it works, it’ll severely cripple Envy. If not… well, at least you have a capable group of fighters on your side. That has to count for something.

That said, if Alphonse and Scar’s accounts of Envy are to believed (and why shouldn’t you?), your foe is formidable indeed. There’s no telling how the fight will end.

Ever since the meeting, you’ve had this voice in the back of your mind all the time telling you to take everyone and run, to hide from the monster that Zampano has summoned, and that is currently en route. Any moment, the fragile peace that you’ve created here will be shattered, and there’s no telling what that means for your future.

That’s all you can think about this morning, even with Scar holding onto you in his sleep. This should be a happy morning, waking up in the arms of a lover. Instead it feels as cruel and as unforgiving as the northern winds that keep blowing into your temporary bedroom. This is the last moment of peace you’ll have, yet you can’t enjoy it, not with the storm at your door.

Without warning, you burst into tears, which quickly escalate into full blown sobbing. Your whole body begins to shake and convulse, something that wakes Scar up with a jolt.

Realising almost immediately what is happening, Scar sits up, cradles you in his arms, and starts stroking your back. He begins whispering something into your head, but your sobs are too loud for you to hear his words. So instead you just sit there, and let all of your fear and sadness pour out of you.

It takes a good few minutes before your sobs become quiet enough to allow you to hear Scar’s voice. All he keeps saying over and over is ‘I’m here, nothing can hurt you. It’s okay.’, and you’re wondering if it’s really you he’s trying to reassure. 

When your sobs finally fade, you stare up at Scar with tearstained eyes, the area around your iris almost as red as your iris’ themselves. ‘I’m sorry if I worried you. I just… I’m so scared, my love.’ You grab onto him as tightly as you can, grabbing your arms around him like a vice. 

Scar’s body tenses. ‘Whatever it is you fear, know that I won’t let it harm you. I’d sooner die.’ You flinch at the word. Haven’t you made your feelings clear enough by now?

You let out a shaky reply. ‘That’s what I’m afraid of. What if the symbol doesn’t work? What if we fail? What if Envy kills you, and all I can do is watch?’ If Scar doesn’t just instruct you to wait in the village whilst he and the others fight. No doubt Yoki is planning to hide here.

Scar’s grip becomes considerably firmer, as he scoots you even closer to him. ‘We shall not fail. My brother figured out a way to stop the evil plaguing this land, and now it’s my turn to put the knowledge to good use. My brother sacrificed himself for me; if I must do the same to see his work done, then so be it. Today is not the day I die, though. I shall not die until I have used this gift on the one behind this. On that day, my work shall be done, and my life once again in the hands of God himself. On that day, you won’t have to watch me die; I shall see to it that you’re far enough away from me to guarantee your safety.’ As if such a thing is even possible in a world like this one…

Unwilling to get into another debate about who’s safety is more important, you decide to steer the conversation elsewhere. ‘What was your brother like?’ Scar flinches, and you immediately backtrack. ‘I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked that. I know thinking about him can’t be easy.’ You curse your desire to avoid conflict. Now you’ve gone and upset Scar on such an important day…

Scar hesitates for a moment before speaking. ‘He was smaller than I am, in both height and bulk, despite being older. I remember fighting children much older than me for picking on him once. When I close my eyes sometimes, I can see him hunched over a table, the sun illuminating the frame of his glasses, studying alchemy and alkahestry like his life depended on it. Even though I didn’t approve of him meddling in such things, when push came to shove, I loved him so much. He was the greatest friend I’ve ever known, and losing him… it never stops hurting. Even now, I can still feel the way his arms used to wrap around me when I was a child. If he could see the man his death created, he would hate me. He would tell me that I am not the brother he gave his life for, that his sacrifice was a mistake.’ Tears begin to well in Scar’s eyes, so you move yourself to cradle his head against your chest, trying to soothe him.

You speak to him in a hushed tone. ‘No he wouldn’t. He was your brother. I bet he loved you just as much as you love him still, and he’d be proud of the man you are now. You may have done a lot of bad things, but think of all the good you’re doing now. Your brother would just be happy to see that you have found your way again. He wouldn’t judge you based solely on what grief drove you to do. He would just want his baby brother to live his life in the way that brings you joy; that’s all any sibling wants.’ Your words make you think back to your own murdered family, but now is not the time for that; now is the time to focus on Scar and his grief.

Your words seem to work, as Scar chuckles. ‘He’d like you. He’d tease me mercilessly for taking so long to kiss you. He’d find it hilarious that his brother is just as inept around women as he was. My parents would love you too, though not as much as I. They would be so pleased that at least one of their sons survived long enough to find someone to share their life with. They’d start badgering us about grandchildren the moment I bought you home. As much as they supported my choice to become a monk, I think all they really wanted was for me to settle down and have a family of my own. My brother was so focused on his work that they assumed he’d never find anyone, and with me being a monk… I killed their hopes of having grandchildren to spoil and love. It’s a hope I killed again the moment I made myself a murderer.’ You can practically hear the walls in Scar’s mind come back up, as he tries to restrain his emotions again. 

You’re having none of it though. ‘There is still hope. You have me.’ And he’s had you several times already, including last night. He has been careful to avoid finishing inside you since that first night though.

Scar pulls away from you, looking you in the eyes sternly. ‘Until I can provide you with food, shelter, and stability, I refuse to create life with you. The thought of leaving you with a broken heart is one thing, but the thought of leaving you with a broken heart and a swollen belly… I can’t. I don’t want any child of mine to be born into the life of a fugitive, and I don’t want to ruin your life. The stigma of being a single mother would ruin your chances of moving on, of starting a new life when this is all over. If nothing else, I want you to have that chance. Consider it my gift to you.’ If that’s his idea of a gift, you’d like a receipt.

You tell him as much, before adding ‘Saying it’s a gift implies that you don’t want it. You’ve just told me that it benefits us both not to have a child. Which is it? Is it good for me, or for us both?’ 

Pain fills Scar’s eyes briefly, before the façade of calm returns. ‘You. It’s good for you, because if we were nomads rather than fugitives, I wouldn’t care all that much about not having stability. We could travel the world with nothing but a change of clothes and a tent, and that would be enough for us and our children. Maybe we could do just that if we survive the war. But for now, we just can’t start a family. I’m sorry.’ You’re sure that he’s tearing himself apart inside, but once again you wish to avoid conflict with him.

You nod sheepishly. ‘That’s okay. It was only a thought. You’re right, anyhow; it wouldn’t be practical. We have enough to worry about without adding a baby to that list. I guess that’s just one more reason to pray for an end to this war.

‘Speaking of the war, Envy will be here soon. We should meet with the others and prepare. Where do you want me?’ Scar’s eyes seem to flash lustfully for a moment, before they go into battle mode.

He gives you his order. ‘I want you nearby with Mei and Marcoh so I can keep an eye on you. If anything happens, I want you to take Mei and run. She’s only a child, I don’t want Envy to end her life before it’s begun. I want you to look after my brother’s notes too. If the worst does come to pass, find Edward Elric. As much as he hates me, he is a better man than I. I’m sure he’ll find some way to bring the research to life.

‘After that, I’d like you to look for my old mentor. Tell him what happened and who you are to me, and him and his group will give you shelter. Start a new life with them, and do your best to avoid getting caught up in this war. I wish there was more I could do to protect you.’ Scar leaves the bed and begins dressing. You follow suit, wincing at how cold it is. That’s the only real problem with the North; all the snow stops the air from ever warming.

When you’re both ready to leave, you pull Scar in for a lingering kiss, before whispering something into his lips;

‘If you want to protect me, stay alive.’

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/

The plan almost goes to plan.

Envy comes alone, falling for the trap completely. Enraged by the situation, Envy had transformed from a humanoid form into what can only be described as a huge green lizard, with souls protruding from its skin in large clusters all over its body. Just the sight of it was enough to make you want to run, but you held your ground, waiting with Mei as discussed.

Mei meanwhile made herself very useful indeed, setting off alkahestrical mines as Envy approached your group. Things seemed to be going well, until the difficult part of the plan was put into motion; Marcoh had to coax Envy into grabbing him.

That had been a horrible sight. Watching poor Dr Marcoh being knocked around like a giant ragdoll had been hard to watch, and you found yourself fighting back tears at one point. Finally, Envy took the bait, and Marcoh seized his chance to act. Using his hand (which had one of the symbols Scar’s Brother had created etched onto it), he managed to destroy Envy, the beast disappearing before your eyes as souls escaped its body.

After a brief cheer, your group had headed back to camp to meet Yoki who was, predictably, ‘keeping the villager’s safe’.

With everyone gathered once again, only one question remains; what now? 

This has been a source of much contention. Scar and Marcoh want to continue work on the notes, Mei is unsure what to do now that her plan to find a philosopher’s stone is out of the question, and Yoki wants to hide his sorry ass away from any further conflict. The conversation is going nowhere, which is problematic; they’ve now elected to tell you exactly when the deadline for figuring out how to stop the homunculi is.

‘Spring?’ You question disbelieving. ‘That’s only a few months away. If we don’t set a course of action soon, then-‘ 

Yoki cuts you off. ‘Stay out of this. We all know you’ll go with Scar no matter what, so your opinion means less than nothing. Just go back looking pretty; it’s about all you’re go- AH, GET IT OFF ME!’ As he was speaking, a grotesque one-eyed creature managed to crawl up Yoki’s back, and is now starting at your group malevolently.

‘NOBODY MOVE! TAKE ONE STEP AND HE’S DEAD!’ It’s eye scans your group, looking for any signs of movement.

Marcoh shrugs his shoulders. ‘And? It’s just Yoki.’ Damn. Marcoh is sick of him too, huh?

Scar nods in agreement. ‘Do what you like with him. He lost any sympathy from me when he insulted my wife.’

Yoki’s panic increases. ‘What?! No! Please! Mei, do something.’ 

The young girl shrugs too. ‘I’m with Mr Scar. You’re not very nice to Mrs Scar, and that’s just horrible.’ Xiao-Mei squeaks her approval.

Alphonse adds his opinion into the mix. ‘I don’t really know him so…’ 

Jerso pipes in. ‘He’s a creep. I don’t give a shit.’ Zampano answers with an approving grunt.

Yoki starts to snivel. ‘N-n-none of you? No one? M-m-Mrs Scar?’ 

You look at him incredulously. ‘Seriously? You hate me. Besides, we can’t risk giving in to what that thing wants. What does it want, by the way?’ You think that’s a fair question. It hasn’t actually said…

The little green monster seems irritated by your question. ‘I’M ENVY, YOU IDIOT, AND I WANT REVENGE! I just wish I hadn’t taken such a terrible hostage! Seriously, how pathetic can you get? I though this form was bad, but you’re a real scrape-the-barrel kind of pathetic! What a loser! Los- AH!’ During Envy’s rant, Marcoh managed to sneak behind Yoki with a jar, and capture the weakened homunculus. 

Envy looks frantic in the jar. ‘HEY! LET ME OUT! I’LL KILL YOU ALL! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?’ It doesn’t look happy, but it’s not like it can do anything; that lid is on tight.

Yoki breathes a sigh of relief. ‘Oh, I understand what that was. You were just playing for time by saying that stuff. You were saving my life.’ 

Your whole group nod awkwardly in unison, before you let out a sigh. ‘Well, at least we know more about the homunculi now.’

Marcoh nods. ‘That’s right. We now know that our technique only weakens them, rather than killing them.’ Mei hums, before your group all fall into silence.

After a pregnant pause, Scar breaks the silence. ‘That doesn’t matter. The last time I was in Central, the Elric brothers couldn’t hurt the homunculi because their leader he stopped them from using their alchemy. If we weaken the leader with alkahestry, it should stop that from happening again, and give the alchemists a fair chance of defeating him. 

‘I think I know what must be done. Marcoh and I must continue to decipher these notes. As such, I propose we split up. Marcoh and I shall learn more of alkahestry, Mei…’ he takes the jar from Marcoh ‘… can return to Xing with this. It’s not a philosopher’s stone, but it’s the closest thing we have. 

‘As for everyone else, find somewhere safe. Elric brother, do you know of such a place?’ Wait, he doesn’t plan to take you with him? That can’t be right, he’s overlooked you is all. He just assumes you’re a given partner, just like Yoki had.

Alphonse nods. ‘We could go to Liore. The homunculi have already attacked there. The people could use help rebuilding.’ A worthy cause. You wish him and the others all the best.

Scar nods approvingly. ‘Very well. Take my wife and the others. Marcoh and I shall meet you there just before the homunculi make their move.’ Your heart sinks. He really doesn’t want you with him?

No way. You’re not leaving him! Not after everything else you’ve been through.

Trying your best to look stern, you glare at Scar, and cross your arms. ‘I’m going with you and Marcoh.’ Your whole group becomes profoundly silent, as everyone stares at you.

Scar himself seems shocked, taking a few moments to compose himself before he talks. ‘I have already risked your life countless times. I will not risk it again by taking you with me.’ He gives you a firm stare, one that would make lesser women burst into tears. You’re not one of those women though. Besides, just behind his steely gaze of his, you see something all too familiar.

Fear. 

Fear of losing you, just like he lost his brother.

You’d rather have this conversation in private, but you doubt Scar will agree to a change of venue. So, mustering up all the strength you have, you meet his gaze, and intensify your own. ‘Then I’ll risk it myself. This is my choice, Scar. Either you take me, or the moment I get the chance, I will leave this group and hunt you down. I swore that I would remain at your side no matter what, and I meant it. Now, what shall it be? Take me with you so you can keep an eye on me, or watch and worry as I follow you to wherever God forsaken corner of the Earth you travel to.’ The other member of your group begin to back away awkwardly, not wanting to bare witness to your domestic.

Taking a few steps forward so he can place his hands on your shoulders, Scar’s expression softens, and his eyes seem to plead with your own. ‘To lose you would be the end of me. I have given you what’s left of my soul, and if you should die, you’ll take me with you. That’s why I need you to go with the others, for both our sakes.’ You almost falter. You can’t argue with that. Can you?

You soften your own expression, and bring a hand up to stroke his face. ‘You may have given me your soul, but I have given you everything I am. I will stand by you no matter what. Even if we win this war, there’s no guarantee we’ll all survive. I don’t want to waste a moment of my life, or the time we could have together. That’s why I’m coming with you, and why I’d be willing to walk across the desert to Xing barefoot just to see you one last time. 

‘One more thing; you don’t always have to be the one protecting me. I know I’m not as strong as you are physically, but there is more than one kind of strength. And I swear that if things get bad, I’ll find a way to safety. You let me risk myself today knowing I had a contingency plan; why won’t you let me come with you with such a plan in place?’ You can still see the fear in Scar’s eyes, before it’s slowly replaced by adoration.

Scar sighs. ‘Very well. You can travel with Marcoh and I. However, if you get so much as a scratch, I will arrange passage to Liore for you. That is non-negotiable.’ You smile, and softly kiss Scar on the cheek.

‘Thank you.’ You whisper into his skin.

With your spat now over, the others inch closer, coughing conspicuously to try and get you to pay attention to them.

It works, and you and Scar detach yourself from each other before Scar addresses the group. ‘The plan is decided. We should head out as soon as we can.’ You suspect he means now, which suits you fine; as long as he’s not planing on leaving without you.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Having very few possessions, it doesn’t take long to pack everything away ready for departure. The refugees were kind enough to give tents and sleeping bags to all three groups of leavers, as well as enough food to last them several days. Their show of generosity is enough to put a smile on all but one face.

Scar’s.

Try as he might, he can’t shake off the fear that has taken ahold of his mind.

He is planning to travel as far as it takes to get answers. He will travel to hell and back to uncover everything in his brother’s notes, and he’ll do whatever it takes to take down the homunculi.

He just didn’t think his love would do the same.

There’s a part of him that somehow loves her more after this. He has no doubt that she really would have followed him if he hadn’t agreed to take her. He really needs to stop underestimating how much she loves him.

It’s that love that scares him though.

What if he does lose her? He may pray for her safety every night, but who’s to say those prayers haven’t fallen on deaf ears? He used to pray for his family before the war, but that didn’t stop them being murdered right before his eyes.

Is she destined for the same? If he outlives her, it’ll haunt him for the rest of his life. He can already feel her touch whenever he looks at her; would losing her amplify the feeling? Would he feel the ghost of her everywhere he went? The softness of her body, the smell of her skin, the taste of her lips… would they haunt him as his brother does?

He may have known his brother for many years more than he’s known his love, but this love is different. This love is intense and unable to be ignored. This love gnaws at him constantly, never letting him forget about it. This love is always with him, warm and comforting. Will it start to burn if she dies? Or will the comfort feel as cold and as empty as her lifeless body?

So many unknowns, ones that he hopes he never uncovers. All he can do is pray that nothing happens to her, because of it does…

He meant what he told her. If she dies, there is no redemption for him. If she dies, he’ll throw away his own life in a final act of desperate fighting against whatever kills her.

If she dies, it’s all over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, the reason this chapter got so heavy is because about a year ago I lost my much beloved Grandfather to a heart problem that’s pretty damn rare. He was the closest thing to a father figure I’ve ever had (since my actual dad isn’t all that nice), and his death hit me harder than I could have ever imagined. The one thing I’ll never forget is the hugs he used to give. I can still feel them even now. 
> 
> This chapter was going to have lighthearted humour surrounding Scar’s family and their opinions of RC, but the moment I came to writing it, my emotions took over, and I started to vent my feelings into this story. If that makes anyone here feel uncomfortable then I’m sorry. I just hope you’re not too upset with me.
> 
> On the positive side, it was his death that lead me to start writing fanfiction. He was the kind of person that was always loving and supportive to a fault, and whenever I write I can see him smiling at me because I’m doing what I enjoy doing, and I’m sharing it with others. Even if I still have a way to go before I become competent enough to create whole new fictional universes and characters of my own, if my writing makes just one person smile, then that’s a damn good start.
> 
> Anyhow, I really shouldn’t have said all that. I’ll probably remove it when I’m lucid enough to control my emotions.
> 
> Well, until next time, thank you so much for reading. You guys are the best!


	13. Moonlight Rendezvous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there!
> 
> I have (potentially) good news and (possibly) bad news. The (possibly) bad news is that Scar doesn’t have an internal monologue in this chapter. The (potentially) good news is that his chapter is mostly smutty filler, sandwiched between plot thread bread. There probably won’t be too much smut after this (because the plot must come first), so enjoy it while it’s here.
> 
> Hope you like it ^.^

A month has passed since your group split in three, and you’re no closer to uncovering all of the notes left by Scar’s brother than you were back then.

Your first stop had been to travel to the ruins of Xerxes, a place suggested by Alphonse Elric. Making your way passed the disconcerting amount of Amestrian soldiers in the area surrounding the ruins had been surprisingly easy; then again, Scar has become something of an expert in hiding, thanks to spending a considerable amount of time on the run.

The ruins turned out to be a bust, but not a total loss. The half-ruined symbol matched the one of the transmutation symbols in the book, conclusively proving what you’d already suspected; whatever led to the demise of Xerxes is what the homunculi are planning to do to Amestris.

After that unfortunate confirmation, you’d been greeted by a more immediate threat; Marcoh, who had wandered off to explore the ruins, was ambushed by a group of Ishvalans. After hearing his cries for assistance, you and Scar had rushed to his aid, which had almost immediately put a stop to the incident; apparently, the group had no interesting in fighting two of their own.

As much of a relief as that was, it then led to yet another disaster; they recognised Scar. Not from the description being distributed by the military, but because they had seen him murder the doctors.

Things had become tense after that, with the group threatening to contact the authorities. It’s just as well you’d insisted on staying by Scar’s side, as you’d been able to explain your current task, and to reassure them that Scar isn’t the same person he was back then.

Their attitude towards Scar didn’t change completely, but they did soften up enough to tell you some rather intriguing information.

Apparently, there’s a nomadic alchemist travelling somewhere in Amestris at the moment. They didn’t know his name of his past, but what they did know is that he possesses knowledge that could be vital in helping you decipher the notes.

You’d left the area immediately after hearing that information, and set off to find the mysterious traveller.

Three weeks later, you, Scar, and Marcoh are currently camped out in a forest in the ass end of nowhere, still on the hunt for the man who could have the answers you seek.

You let out a heavy sigh as you poke your makeshift fire pit with a stick. The day of reckoning is drawing ever closer, and yet you feel as if you’ve achieved nothing. All you’ve done is act as camp caretaker whilst Scar and Marcoh work on figuring out what they can from the notes while they wait for the traveller to appear.

You hate to admit it, but you almost regret coming.

As much as you’re used to traveling by now, this last month has been hard on you. You seem to be getting fatigued faster than usual, and you’ve had to stop the group more than once just so you can catch your breath. You’ve also had this unshakable unease in the pit of your stomach that seems to intensify every time you think about your current situation. 

That’s when it hits you; you’re afraid. You’ve been so busy ignoring up until now that the whole thing has washed over you all at once. You’re afraid for your fellow man, afraid of what will happen a few months from now, and utterly terrified of losing Scar. It had been so easy to brush that aside until now, but that transition from companions to lovers has raised the stakes so high that now you know just how much you have to lose. You didn’t realise just how important Scar had become to you until the moment he became the only thing you had to focus on. Well, except Marcoh, who mostly keeps to himself. He seems to have picked up on your fatigue as well, as he’s constantly taking you to one side to ask about it. 

As nice as Marcoh’s concern is, you’re beginning to worry that such concern may alert Scar to your less-than-stellar mental state, and that will only mean one thing; a one-way ticket to Leore.

Even if he hadn’t commented on your mental state, you’re sure he’s not completely oblivious to it. After all, trying to hide such things from a lover isn’t an easy task, especially when you spend every waking moment together.

You’re so lost in your thoughts that you don’t notice Scar approaching you, and jump a little when you hear his voice coming from your immediate vicinity. ‘Marcoh and I are done for the evening. Come, there is something I wish to show you.’ He extends his hand, and you take it without hesitation, standing up and letting him lead you wherever he wants you to go.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Scar ends up leading you to a clearing, at the sight before you takes your breath away.

In the middle of the clearing, heading off into the forest at either end, is a crystal clear river, the surface of which is gently reflecting the moonlight and the stars. 

Scar wraps his arms around your waist before giving your neck a soft kiss. ‘This is the cleanest body of water we’ve come across in a while. I thought we could bathe together for a while, if you wish. I’ve checked the water out, there doesn’t appear to be anything sinister in there. Or I can leave you to bathe in private if you’d like; I know you’ve had little in the way of privacy lately. If you need some time to yourself, I’ll understand completely.’ And miss out on making a memory? No way. Besides, a nice dip will do wonders for your mind… as long as there really isn’t anything sinister in there. Nothing like leeches to kill the mood, after all…

You let out a contented sigh, relaxing into Scar’s embrace. ‘I suppose I could let you join me, but only if you promise to rub my back for me.’ 

Scar lets out a low chuckle. ‘I can do much more than that if you wish.’ Well, this really is going to be a nice dip!

Plan decided, you turn around to face Scar, before grabbing the bottom of his hurt and pulling it up his body. He lifts his hands over his head to allow you to slide the garment off completely, and you can’t resist peppering a few kisses along his torso while he’s in such a vulnerable position. Besides, it’s not like he’s never done the same to you…

With his shirt off, Scar pounces, bringing your body flush against his own. Before you can so much as gasp at the sudden contact, Scar crushes his lips against yours, distracting you with a passionate kiss as his hands get to work on your clothing. The heat of his hands against the bare flesh of your skin is now as familiar as it is arousing, and you feel yourself heat up as you recall all the things he’s done to you with those hands lately.

The kiss is briefly interrupted by Scar unceremoniously yanking your shirt over your head before he locks lips with you again, his hands going to the rather fiddly task of removing your bra. Or rather it would be fiddly, if Scar was anyone else. As it is, he has the offending garment off in mere moments before whipping it off of you and throwing it away, leaving you both equally bare. He seems determined to finish undressing you first though, as he has your trousers halfway down your legs before you even register his hands moving.

Breaking the kiss, Scar kneels before you so he can undress you properly, slipping off your shoes before finishing what he started with your trousers. You put your hands on his shoulders to steady yourself, casually admiring the way his muscles flex as he works.

When you’re down to just your underwear, Scar looks up at you, lust burning in his eyes. ‘I never tire of seeing you like this. Flushed skin, desire written all over your face…’ he slips a hand into your underwear, and starts teasing your damp opening. ‘… the ever-welcoming paradise between your legs. Moments like this, it’s easy to forget that I don’t deserve to see any of those things. It’s especially hard to remember that when you offer them to me so freely.’ He hooks two fingers over the crotch of your underwear before teasing them down your legs, watching them slide down with great intensity. 

When they finally hit the ground, you hop out of them playfully, before deciding that now would be a good time to tease him. As he goes in to kiss the bare skin of your navel, you jump back, and leap into the river, the slight chill of the water causing you to shriek.

When you look back at Scar, he’s desperately trying to finish undressing himself, eager to join him. Deciding that turnabout is fair play, you watch him, and decide to give him a few choice words of your own.

Your voice takes on a seductive tone. ‘If you think you’re the lucky one for seeing me like this, I should buy you a mirror; you’re the very image of masculinity when you’re all fired up like this.’ You bite your lower lip as he unceremoniously shoves his trousers and underwear down simultaneously, his erection springing forth proudly.

Instead of smirking at your comment like you thought he would, Scar’s answering expression is a genuine smile. ‘I am only the image of masculinity because you see me as a man, and because right now this man wants his woman.’ You’re not sure what he means by ‘you see me as a man’, but you’ll think on it later; Scar is fast approaching the river, making your body quiver in anticipation.

Scar’s lips attack your neck the moment he enters the river, and his hands grab your thighs hard enough to leave bruises. That doesn’t faze you in the slightest though; just so long as he doesn’t send you away because of them.

You wrap your legs around Scar’s waist, the water making such a task easier than it is normally. Scar also seems to appreciate the water’s presence, as it makes it easier for him to grind your clit against his erection, eliciting a string of moans from you both. His teasing is enough for you to start feeling the first tender shoots of an orgasm, but all that you really want right now is for him to stop teasing you and start making love properly.

Scar seems to think the same, as he uses his grip to position your entrance above his erection. He slides into you with ease, filling you completely before stilling, taking a moment to enjoy the feeling of being encased in your welcoming walls. You can’t help bucking your hips a little, trying to coax him into moving. He’s having none of it though, as he only tightens his grip on you further before leaving down to suckle at a breast.

You cry out in a mixture of ecstasy and desperation, body begging for more. 

When Scar still refuses to move, you decide to beg as well, as your body’s begging is clearly not enough. ‘Please, Scar. Please move. I need you to make love to me like you mean it.’ 

Scar releases your nipple so he can bring his mouth to your ear. ‘I always mean it.’ With that, he pulls back so he’s barely inside of you before slamming back into you with practiced intensity, grunting with the effort of such a thing.

He starts off thrusting as slowly as he had a moment ago, but he soon loses himself in the act, his pace quickening as he begins to thrust in earnest. All you can bring yourself to do is grab his shoulders and let him take command, as his grip prevents you from moving your hips. You don’t care about that though, not when he’s angling his thrusts in a way that’s driving you mad. It’s enough to make you regret not trying to seduce him, rather than romantically pursuing him. Still, perhaps it’s the romantic connection that makes it even sweeter.

You’re not at all surprised when your orgasm hits; you’d be more surprised if Scar finished first at this point.

When your body finally finishes convulsing around him, Scar pulls out, wrapping a hand around his erection. He only has to stroke himself a few times before he releases himself into the stream, his essence a noticeable blob of colour against the otherwise crystal clear water.

Sated, Scar cradles you to his chest before relaxing against the river’s bank, the cool water cradling you both as you catch your breath.

As usual, it’s Scar who recovers first. He gently strokes your hair as he speaks for the first time in a while. ‘I hope that wasn’t too much for you. I know you’ve been finding it difficult to keep pace lately.’ Shit, so he really does know.

You’re about to explain yourself, but Scar speaks before you get the chance. ‘Relax. I have no plans to send you away over that which I am the cause of. I appreciate that making love is draining, yet I just can’t help myself when it comes to you. If my… attention is too much for you, tell me. I am more than happy to leave you be for the night, so long as you still spend it with me.’ You hadn’t actually considered that that’s what’s making you so tired. It makes perfect sense though; this past month has been the first month you’ve ever spent with a lover. It’s only natural that his affections are tiring you out. Now, if you could only find a way to ease your worry…

Said worry seems to intensify when you hear a voice behind Scar. ‘Well, I certainly wasn’t expecting to see this tonight! Is there a reason the two of you are canoodling in the river, or shall I contact the authorities and tell them I’ve found a couple of perverts? Then again, I’d feel bad handing them an Ishvalan couple, given how they seem to be prone to racist outburst…’ Your heart drops down into your stomach. 

Someone has found you and Scar…

… and you’re both naked.

Fighting off the urge to cry with shame, you look up at the person who found you.

It’s a man, that much is clear. His hair is jet black and shoulder length, though he seems to be going grey in places. His clothes are well-worn, threadbare in many places. His shoes look as though they’ve been repaired by hand several times over, and there’s a backpack over his shoulders that seems to be the length of his torso.

The most striking thing of all is that he doesn’t look Amestrian; he looks Xingese.

Could this be…?

Quick as a flash, Scar switches your positions, using his body to cover yours. He glares up at the man, and seems to be gearing up for a fight, until the man does something quite unexpected.

He smiles at Scar warmly, laughing out loud as he does.

As you and Scar share a confused look, the man speaks again. ‘Goodness me, I’m sorry. I didn’t recognise you without the glasses. I suppose the giant cross on your face didn’t help on that front either. You’ve gotten a lot bulkier too, but I’m guessing that’s all thanks to the exercise you’ve been getting, am I right? Never saw you as the type to settle down though; I thought you’d end up marrying that notebook of yours!’ Now you’re really confused. Glasses? Bulkier? Notebook? What the…?

Scar seems to radiate sadness as he answers the man. ‘I think you have me confused for my brother. He died during the war of extermination. Were you a friend of his?’ Oh. Well that all makes sense. You’re glad Scar isn’t in the same post-orgasmic haze you seem to be…

The strange man becomes very somber. ‘Brother? Goodness, I’m so terribly sorry. He had a brilliant mind, your brother. It’s so rare to come across someone like him these days. I taught him everything I know about alkahestry, and I even helped him in his attempts to merge it with alchemy. I see he must have passed on some of his knowledge to you, at least; that tattoo on your arm is one of the things he and I worked on together. Curious that you chose the destruction one, when you seem much more interested in making something.’ He gestures to you, and you let out a nervous laugh, still on edge about the situation. You’re just hoping this mysterious, disheveled stranger who seems to have travelled far is willing to let this sli-

Oh. OH. Your brain finally clicks into gear. This must be the traveller that you’ve spent the past three weeks searching for!

Now, how can you convince him to help you without letting him see you naked?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> … anyone else notice that I’m desperately trying to come up with a ‘here’s what we did on our promise day vaction’ story here? I hope I’ve not messed it up. I’m mostly just going off of little snippets of information and stuff, so I hope it’s bareable.
> 
> Anyhow, thanks for sticking with this, and I hope to see you soon :)


	14. The Stranger From The East

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey dudes,
> 
> Here be chapter fourteen. No real warning or anything this time, so…
> 
> … enjoy ^.^

Untangling yourself from such an unfortunate position was surprisingly easy.

The strange traveling alchemist had graciously looked away as you and Scar left the water, and had continued to keep his back to you as you hastily redressed (though Scar had made a point of standing between you and the strange man just in case). When you’re both fully clothed again (albeit soaking wet too, thanks to Scar overlooking the fact that you’d both need to dry off after your ‘bath’), the three of you head back to camp, hoping that Marcoh is still awake, and willing to discus even more alchemy.

Thankfully, Marcoh is still in the same position he was when you left, though he seems to have his face in the notebook again, staring at a diagram with great intensity.

Sensing your arrival, Marcoh looks up to greet you. ‘Back already? I thought you’d be gone a while lon-‘ he notices you’re no longer a party of two. ‘Is this the man we’ve been looking for? The one Who knows Alkahestry?’ Wow, Marcoh is really on the ball, isn’t he? Unless your brain is just completely broken…

The stranger smiles. ‘Looking for me? I didn’t realise I was so popular! Maybe I should start leaving little message boxes everywhere…’ he seems to think on the idea for a few moments, before clapping his hands together suddenly. ‘That’s a thought for another now. For now, I should introduce myself. Luo Cheng, at your service.’ He bows deeply, aiming his body mostly towards Scar. That only makes sense you suppose; he did know his brother, after all. If he’s going to feel comfortable in anyone’s presence…

Scar bows in return. ‘I have no name to offer you, but people call me Scar. My wife can make her own introduction.’ You do just that, giving him your name, as well as a bow of your own.

Marcoh stands, coping the gesture himself. ‘Dr Tim Marcoh, former military doctor turned researcher. It’s an honour to finally meet you.’ You don’t think you’d go so far as to say it’s an honour yourself, but finally finding him is definitely a positive thing. Now you finally stand a chance at deciphering the rest of the notes, bringing you a step closer to finding a way to thwart the homunculi…

Cheng blushes slightly. ‘I wouldn’t call meeting me an honour, Doctor. Most people tell me get lost when they meet me. I suspect Scar would have done the same, given the position I found him and his wife in.’ Did he have to bring that up? Really? You’re beginning to wonder if you actually need his help now…

Scar seems to be thinking the same. ‘I did not invite you back here to discus my private life. We need your help figuring out my brother’s notes.’ You’re relived that Scar is as blunt as ever; it means that Cheng is less likely to reveal anything more of what he saw…

Like a dog with a bone, Cheng refuses to drop the subject. ‘I think I’d like to discus your private life though. Are all Ishvalans as hung as you seem to be? The sounds your wife was making… do you always go at it that hard, or is this a special occasion? Either that or you’re working on repopulating Ishval. Is that why you need my help? You planning to get your country back so you can fill it with little Scars? If that’s the case, just say the word and I’ll come build you a house myself. With the right materials, I could have one up for you in a matter of moments!’ You’re pretty sure he’s teasing you both, but if his offer is genuine, you’d happily take him up on that offer when the war is done… even if it won’t be possible to build in your ruined homeland.

Marcoh seems to sense that the conversation is making Scar in particular very uncomfortable, so he tries to turn the conversation around. ‘There won’t be any land to build a house on unless we get these notes translated. Please, would you take a look at them for us?’ Marcoh silently pleads with his eyes, urging the Xingese man to aid him.

Cheng suddenly turns somber. ‘It really is that serious? I had no idea… something about this country has been making me feel uneasy ever since I visited as a young man. If anything, it feels strong now, like it’s about to reach its boiling point… is that what you seek to stop?’ All three of you nod simultaneously. ‘Alright. Show me the notes.’ Marcoh beckons him over, and you and Scar follow, all of you eager to see how much he knows.

For the next goodness knows how long, Cheng pours over the notes, never saying a single word. He occasionally moves an eyebrow or makes a humming noise, but other than that, the air around camp is filled with silent tension.

Finally, Cheng shuts the notebook, his examination of it complete at last. The silence continues a while longer, none of you wishing to press him for answers. Then, finally, he speaks…

‘I don’t understand a word of ancient Ishvalan.’ 

All of your anticipation comes crashing down in an instant, the weight of his sentence like a kick to the chest. All this time spent looking for him, thinking that he would be able to help you, and this is all you get in return? It’s a cruel joke, one that you almost resent him for, despite it not being his fault. You shouldn’t have gotten your hopes up so much…

Scar sighs in disappointment. ‘I see. I can, but it would take a while to translate it for you. Would you like me to try?’ A while? More like weeks! That’s what it’s taken to get Marcoh up to speed! Surely it would be easier for Marcoh to explain it himself, rather than waste time retranslating he same few pages again!

Cheng looks at you, his eyes staring deep into your soul. He seems to be searching for something, which he must find, as he begins talking again. ‘Something in your wife’s eyes suggest it would take more time to explain than you’re telling me. I’m sorry, but wasting time on getting what I’m certain is only a second opinion from me would be a foolish waste.’ Well, he said it, not you…

Marcoh protests his decision. ‘But mine is the opinion of an alchemist. I don’t have enough knowledge of alkahestry to fully comprehend the notes. It takes a lifetime to gather the level of expertise I would need to figure this all out, and right now, I don’t even have half a year!’ This is the first time you’ve ever heard Marcoh lose faith in his mental ability, and it scares you. If he is giving up hope, what chance of remaining hopeful do the rest of you have?

Placing a comforting hand on Marcoh’s shoulder, Cheng answers. ‘Scar’s Brother managed to come up with these notes over the course of a few years, far less time than either of us have been studying our respective arts. He did that with just a little outside assistance, and sheer determination. Now, if he can do that, imagine what you can achieve. After all, our arts are not as dissimilar as you’d think; the only difference is that mine comes from within. I’m certain that you’ll find the answers that you seek, but I am not the man to give them to you.’ You can feel the air of defeat everywhere now, and it’s stifling. Yesterday, you had all the hope in the world that you’d be able to finish translating the notes but now? Now you just don’t know how such a thing will be possible…

Scar seems to be taking the news far better than you or Marcoh, as he manages to speak first. ‘I understand. We asked far too much of you. It was a mistake to chase a solution we were uncertain of, rather than seek a solution of our own. I am sorry if we have put too much pressure on you. You do not belong in our war.’ Scar makes towards your tent, about to do one of his legendary dramatic exits, when Cheng says something that stop him in his tracks.

‘Your brother told me the same thing once.’ 

Scar remains completely motionless as Cheng continues. ‘The last time I saw him, I asked him to return to Xing with me, to save himself. He refused. Told me he couldn’t just abandon his family like that. After that, I begged him to let me help, to let me use my alchemy to save him and his family but he… he told me that it wasn’t my war. I… I cared for your brother a great deal. When I returned to Amestris a short while ago I had hoped to see him again. I was certain that if anyone could survive… I was so relieved when I saw you in the water. I thought that my dear friend really had made it through after all. Hearing that he’s gone… I know I may have tried to act calm about it, but right now, I’m heartbroken. There are so many things I had planned to tell him when I saw him. I was going to help him, whether he wanted it or not. I would have done anything for him, because he deserved it. Even if it wasn’t my war, he was still my friend, and I loved him desperately, more than he ever knew. So please, don’t stand there and tell me that this war isn’t mine to fight in. I regret swallowing that bullshit from your brother.’ You can see tears forming in his eyes, and it hurts you to see him in so much pain, especially when his words ring so true to you…

Scar turns to face him, his features far softer than the stern facade you’re all too used to seeing. ‘If my brother sent you away like that, it was not for the reason you think it was. Our situation was so desperate back then, we were even accepting aid from the very race that sought to destroy us. No, if he sent you away, it was because he cared about you. The alchemist were unstoppable during the war. If you had fought by us, you would have died by us, and I think my brother wanted better for his friend. That is the same reason I do not wish for you to involve yourself with us if you cannot translate these notes. I do not wish to go against my brother’s wishes by putting you in danger. Xing is the safest place for you right now. You should return as soon as you can.’ Scar is showing him a great mercy, something you never expected to see. The man you had met all those months ago would have offered Cheng up like a steak to a tiger, glad to be rid of another alchemist (even if that’s not technically what he is). To see him giving him this chance… all you want to go is rush over to Scar and hold him because right now, you’re not sure if you’ve ever loved him more.

Cheng takes a deep breath, calming himself. ‘I’m certain he wouldn’t approve of his brother riding into hell either, but I’m certain that won’t stop you. Even your wife has come along for the journey. If you’ll allow her to stay by your side, then you should allow me to help. No matter how small my contribution is, I refuse to go home and turn a blind eye. There is so little worth in my life right now. I want to prove to your brother that sending me away so that I may life was a decision worth making. That is why I refuse to walk away now.’ Now he’s starting to sound like Scar, something you’re certain won’t be lost on the man in question.

Scar nods firmly. ‘Very well. If you’re certain about this, then there are two things you can do. 

‘You are free to spend the night here, but tomorrow I want you to go to East City. There is an Ishavan refugee camp there, one that was kind enough to help me once. I’d like you to warn them of the danger, and urge them to leave. If any refuse, ask them to travel to the forest a few miles from Central. I have a feeling I’ll need their help in the future. After that, find other camps, and give them the same   
message. Make sure the military don’t discover you or the Ishvalans heading to the forest. With any luck, by the time we are ready to proceed with our plan to save the country, we’ll have enough people waiting to form a small army, or a few teams at least. You are free to do as you see fit when you’re certain you’ve found enough camps. This is the first task.

‘The second is simple. I want you to draw as much of my brother’s other tattoo as you can remember. Even if it’s just a few symbols, it will be invaluable to us. That is the second task I would ask of you. Are either of those task something you would be willing to do?’ From what he’s said, you’re certain Cheng would storm Central by himself if Scar asked him to…

Cheng nods, and begins to remove his backpack, talking as he does. ‘I shall leave immediately if it’s all the same to you. The journey to East City is long, and I’d rather get going as soon as I can. 

‘As for the illustration, I can do you one better than my lousy memory.’ He pulls out a piece of paper, and hands it to Marcoh. ‘Your brother was kind enough to let me make a copy of the design. It’s all there, every last detail. I’d be happy to pass it on to you. I know you’ll make good use of it.’ He just… he had that in his bag the whole time? Why did he not mention that?! There you were thinking this whole thing was a waste of a month…

Marcoh seems ecstatic as he scans the drawing. ‘This is magnificent! With any luck, I should be able to use this to work backwards, and translate the notes. This illustration could very well be the answer to our problems!’ You want to shout with joy. Finally, you feel like you’re on the verge of deciphering the notes! Well, Marcoh and Scar are, but you’re all on the same side, so it’s your victory too in a way. Well, more like a victory for the whole country really, but still…

Cheng bows at Marcoh. ‘I have every faith that you’ll do just that. You are a far better person than you give yourself credit for, Doctor. Never forget that.

‘Now then, I should be off. I do have a few parting words of wisdom for Scar and his wife too.’ He walks the short distance to where you’re standing, and brings you into a hug. 

He whispers his advice into your ear. ‘Strength of character is so much more important than strength of body. You may think you’re unable to protect Scar, but that’s not true. Just you being by his side keeps him safe, gives him a reason to survive. I may have only known you a moment, but I’ve seen how he looks at you. You are his whole world, and such a thing carries with it a great responsibility. Stay strong for him, no matter what it takes. I have no doubt that there will be many challenges ahead of you, but I know you’ll find the strength to do what you have to. You just have to believe it yourself.’ He tightens his arms around you slightly, and you end up hugging him back, his words some of the kindest you’ve ever heard. When this war is over, you think that you’d like to see him again. He seems the kind of man who would make a good friend…

Finally, Cheng lets go of you, picks up his rucksack, and heads over to Scar.

He places a hand on his shoulder, and looks him dead in the eyes. ‘Sometimes in life, we have to decide our future for ourselves. I know this situation may seem hopeless, but hope has a habit of creating itself, right where you least expect it. To that end, I’m going to promise you something. I’m going to find you and your wife when this is over, and I’m going to build you that house. I’ll build you the most magnificent house you’ve ever seen, and I won’t charge you a single thing. However, I want you to promise that you’ll fill that house with love, laughter, and as many children as your God will grant you. Oh, and I want you to let Uncle Cheng spoil them rotten. I mean it, too. I’m going to show up one day with half of Xing for them.’ Scar almost laughs at that; almost. ‘I’m serious though. Don’t let the things of the past spoil your future. Those day are gone, but tomorrow? That is for you to create.’ He walks away without looking back, his rucksack the last thing to disappear into the forest.

You and your two travelling companions all stare after him for a while, still trying to process his words. For a man that watched you and Scar make love (though hopefully not for long), asked a load of perverted questions, and spent over an hour looking at notes he couldn’t even read… he was a nice guy.

More importantly, he was a big help too.

Now, it’s up to Marcoh to put his help to good use.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

To say that Scar is left dumbfounded by Cheng’s words is an understatement.

They seemed… far more astute than they had any right to be. How can a total stranger say things like that? Just because he knew Scar’s Brother, doesn’t mean he knows Scar.

That said, perhaps that association is exactly how he knew what to say. There is no way Scar can be certain that his brother hadn’t told Cheng all about him. Sure, he may have been a different man back then, but some of that rings true for his former life. He was one of the many victims of an extermination campaign, after all; its hard not to lose hope at a time like that. 

In all honesty, it’s not that which has Scar struck dumb. It’s this stupid promise of a house that has him dazed.

How can he promise such a thing? How can he fill Scar with such thoughts? Even if he doesn’t know that Scar is a doomed man, it’s still an awful thing to say to a man going off to war. Hope is the last thing Scar wants right now, when he knows in his gut that he’s fated to lose everything just a few short months from now.

Still, a man can dream. Scar can’t help himself. Already he can see himself and his wife (who will be his wife the second he can find someone to make it official) in a house of their own, just like the one he fantasised about all those months ago. 

From there, his thoughts spiral out of control.

He can see it all now. Him and his wife have two children, both boys. The eldest is named after his late uncle, and the youngest… he’s not sure yet, but that’s not important. What matters is that his boys are happy and healthy and so… perfect. They’re perfect, and Scar loves them so much.

Without a word, Scar heads to his tent, noting that his fiancé and Doctor Marcoh are deep enough in conversation not to notice. He sits on his bedroll for a few moments before letting his tears roll down his face, urging them all to fall before anyone comes looking for him. He doesn’t want anyone to see him like this, especially not her. She’d comfort him, and when he told her the nature of his tears she’d make him the same empty promises Cheng did. He couldn’t take those words from her. He knows that he’d believe her if she told him he could have that life. As it is, he can shake off those poisonous words, see them for what they are; foolish dreams, hasty words from a man clearly still in love with Scar’s Brother. Did he know how much they would hurt? Is it a punishment? Is it because he survive that war but his brother…

And what did that man say to his fiancé? Has he filled her head with the same poisonous hope? If he has, Scar is going to kill him, because he knows that she’ll believe the falsehoods that fell from that man’s lips. She’ll have dreams of her own, just like Scar’s, dreams that he’ll never be able to fulfil. When he dies, he’ll rip the dreams from her, and he can’t bare the thought of hurting her like that. 

That much pain changes a person. He knows that all too well. 

When his tears finally subside, Scar considers going back outside, but thinks better of it. If he does, and they notice, he’ll have to explain himself and his disappearance. If he stays here, and prepares for bed, he need only say that he was tired. Though with the way his mind has been racing, he doubts he’ll get any sleep tonight… 

No sooner has he removed his shirt, his fiancé appears, concern etched over her face. Ah. She must have noticed his absence.

The concern seems intensify when she takes in his state of undress. ‘Are you heading to bed already? That isn’t like you at all…’ It’s not exactly early, but given how late he’s been staying up lately, it’s not surprise that him retiring like this is rather odd.

Scar finishes stripping off, and she begins to do the same, before they both slip into the bedroll together.

Scar’s fiancé rests her head on his chest, and he strokes her hair, trying to soothe her worry. When he thinks actions won’t be enough, he tries words. ‘I probably would still be up, had you not allowed me to bathe with you. Perhaps you are not the only one struggling with all the extra exercise.’ In truth, it barely feels taxing at all, at least compared to his days as a warrior monk. Still, she doesn’t need to know that…

His answer seems to have the intended effect, as she snuggles into his chest. ‘That was your idea, I’ll have you know. Still, if you’re feeling tired, maybe I should be the one sending you to Liore…’ he makes a note to remind her of that the next time they get intimate… and she ends up calling quits long before him.

He doesn’t answer her little quip, and a few moments later, her breathing slows, indicating that she’s already asleep. Scar is surprised that she’s managed to drift off so effortlessly, but given how tired she’s been, it’s not exactly earth shattering. 

Thanks to the soothing sounds of his fiancé at peace, Scar manages to drift off in record time himself, his mind still full of Cheng’s lies…

… or rather, the hopes he knows will never come to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I hope you did manage to enjoy that. I should point out that this is the only story of mine I actually have planned out in my head, but please, let me know if it’s going okay. I’m more than happy to make the odd tweak to future planner chapters if they need it.
> 
> Other than that, I hope to see you soon ^.^


	15. The Last Of His Line

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey,
> 
> I hope you’re all still enjoying the story. Sorry if it doesn’t seem as good as it has been; I think I lost my flow a little.
> 
> Here’s hoping it comes back for this one! ^.^

It takes a further two months for Marcoh and Scar to finish deciphering the notes, even with Cheng’s diagram. 

Working backwards had apparently been a nightmare for them, but they’d managed. Now, with everything in those notes translated in full, the three of you have just under three months to put the pieces of your plan together.

Well, Scar’s plan.

In Scar’s Brother’s notes, there’s extensive research on how to negate the effects of the alchemical block the homunculi create. Now that they know how, the plan is simple; using strategically placed groups around central, they’ll create a huge transmutation circle, one big enough to negate the influence of the homunculi. 

The only issue is that someone needs to be at the centre of it.

Marcoh had volunteered immediately, citing his old age and alchemical skill. However, Scar had persuaded him to hang back, on the grounds that, if everyone survives the Promised Day, a Doctor will be of more use than a solider. He also made a comment about being ‘half an alchemist already’, something that took you by surprise. The man you met in that camp all those months ago would never have made such a comment. If ever proof was needed that Scar is a changed man, that was it.

Still, those issues aren’t the only ones concerning you.

Gathering an army takes a lot of walking and, despite Cheng going on ahead, there’s still a lot of refugee camps to visit. The fact that you have no idea which ones Cheng has already recruited isn’t making things easier; at least twice now you’ve gone to a refugee camp, only to find it empty, or with only a few residents remaining. You’ve no idea of the others are joining your team or fleeing the country, but either way puts you at ease. With any luck, they’ll be enough Ishvalans to rebuild your homeland when Amestris is saved.

It’s just a shame you won’t be alive to see it at this rate.

No matter what you try, you can’t shake off the fatigue, and it only seems to be getting worse. 

You’re just so tired. Everything is a struggle. You’re more than used to walking long distances, but this is something else. You’re not hurting in your legs or anything like that, you’re just so… fatigued. You’re certain something is wrong with you, but you’re still too afraid of being sent away to say anything. That’s why you’ve come to a decision; the next time you set up camp, you’re going to have a word with Marcoh. He is a doctor, after all, and therefore sworn to secrecy; whatever you tell him, he can’t tell Scar. Not that he would if he wasn’t a doctor, of course; you’ve know him long enough to know that he is a good man. Having that extra insurance helps a lot though. 

Now, you just need to find a way to get him on his own so you can speak to him.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

After a whole day of almost non-stop walking, your party finally sets up camp for the night. You’re as exhausted as ever, desperately trying to help Scar and Marcoh start a fire for the night.

When that’s finally sorted, Scar bring up the issue of firewood; or rather, the lack thereof. He suggests that the three of you should set off to search for some, when Marcoh intercepts.

He rubs his back theatrically, making a pained expression. ‘Actually Scar, my back is killing me. I won’t be of any use tonight. Maybe you could go off and leave me and your wife here? I’m sure she could do with a break, and I’d appreciate the company.’ Well, that works fine for you. 

Still, you shouldn’t look too pleased about it.

Hoping that this doesn’t shoot you in the foot, you shake your head. ‘I’m not too bad actually. I’m sure I could push myself further if Scar needs my help.’ To be honest, you wouldn’t put it past Scar to just tear a tree down with his bare hands. Preferably while shirtless… with you watching… alone…

Scar seems to consider both sides for a moment, before nodding. ‘You should take a break. Even if you feel fine, I have no intention of pushing you too far. Conserve your energy for tomorrow.’ What makes tomorrow more important than any other day? Does he have plans he hasn’t mentioned yet? You’ll find out tomorrow, you guess. Still, at least your plan hasn’t totally backfired; you’ll be able to talk to Marcoh now.

Still trying to seem reluctant, you nod weakly. ‘Okay. If you’re sure you don’t need me.’ As if. You’d only slow him down at this point!

Scar’s expression is unreadable. ‘Rest. I’ll be back soon.’ With that, he disappears into the forest, not looking back once.

There’s a moment of silence, then…

Marcoh stands, walks to you, then takes a seat by your side. 

His expression is easy to read; pure concern. ‘I hope you don’t mind, but I’ve been meaning to speak to you in private. You’ve been… different lately. Not as energetic as you were. I just want to make sure you’re okay.’ How has he noticed? He really is a good doctor. Such a shame the military wasted him on vile experiments… 

Now isn’t the time to think of that. Now is the time to talk to him.

Taking a deep breath, you answer him. ‘I’ve been meaning to talk to you, too. I’m… I’m not okay, Marcoh. I’m so tired. It never stops. I have no energy anymore. My legs aren’t sore, and my feet are fine, so I know it’s not the walking. I’m so scared it’s something serious. What if I’m dying? What if I don’t make it to the Promised Day? Losing me would destroy Scar, I’m sure of it. You probably think I’m being stupid…’ you start crying, the weight of your silence slowly lifting off of your shoulders. You’re certain Marcoh will do his best to reassure you, but at this point, you’d rather he just gave it to you straight.

Marcoh hums thoughtfully. ‘Hm… do you have any other symptoms? Dizziness, shortness of breath, nausea, flashing behind the eyes?’ You don’t think you’ve been dizzy, and your breathing is fine. You can’t recall any flashes behind the eyes. The other however…

You nod slowing. ‘Nausea. Well, I’m not sure if it is that. More queasy, like something is making me feel uneasy. Does that make sense?’ You hope so. You also hope it doesn’t mean you’re going to die… 

Once again, Marcoh hums. ‘I see… have you experienced any mood swings? Or soreness in your chest?’ Oh shit, you have! Oh shit…

When you nod, Marcoh smiles. ‘Right. Well, you’ll be pleased to know I don’t think you’re dying. May I examine your abdomen?’ Why? Does he think it’s stomach-related? Have you got a bowel condition? Your stools have been a little strange lately…

Still trying to read his mind, you lift your shirt enough to reveal your stomach. ‘If it means I’ll get answers, then please do.’ Despite your words, and Marcoh’s own reassurance, you’re so frightened of his diagnosis that you close your eyes, as if that will make this whole thing less real.

Marcoh’s hands feel freezing against your stomach. He’s remarkably tender with you, applying only a small amount of pressure. His hands seem to be focusing closer to your hips than your ribs, so that’s clearly the area he’s concerned about. What’s down there? The only thing that low is your intestine and your wo-

Oh.

Shit.

No.

No, no, no, no, no. You can’t be! It’s isn’t possible! It’s a problem with your intestine! It’s a problem with your intestine!

Marcoh’s hands leave your body, and you look him in the eyes. He has a warm smile on his face, and in that moment, you swear your minds merge into one.

When he speaks, he confirms your suspicion. ‘It must have happened in the North. That first night, possibly. How long have you been trying?’ Oh shit. You are.

You’re pregnant.

But how? How can you be? Well, you know how obviously… but how? You had unprotected sex once! Some people have to try for years to conceive! You just had to sleep with the most virile man this side of the border, didn’t you? Unless that’s not the reason… 

You prayed that you’d never forget that night. Now you have a permanent reminder.

Why the hell didn’t you consider this a possibility sooner? You’d treated plenty of pregnant women back in the East City slums with similar symptoms! Have you become so fatalistic that you could only think of things that would kill you? Or is it just that you’ve become so distracted by your goals that you didn’t even consider that there was something this… unexpected wrong with you. Not to mention the precautions you and Scar have been taking. This shouldn’t have happened!

Marcoh is expecting an answer, you know he is, but you can’t talk. Shock has temporarily destroyed your vocabulary. What are you going to do? What are you going to tell Scar? He’s already made it clear that he doesn’t want children, not under these circumstances. How is going to react? He’ll be so angry with you for letting this happen. It’s all your fault, really. You’re the one that insisted on sleeping with him that night! If you’d just held off for a while, talked things through, this could have been prevented!

That said, Scar wasn’t in a hurry to stop proceedings either. 

Placing blame on yourself isn’t going to fix this. Nothing will. This whole thing is a mess…

Or is it?

This is a child you’re talking about. A human life. A tiny little soul, nestled inside of you. It’s not some horrible curse or fatal condition. It’s your baby. It’s perfect. It’s innocent. 

It’s everything you’ve ever dreamed of.

Even with a terrible war on the horizon, somehow you and Scar have created something so precious, so small… will it look more like you or Scar? You’d like it to have some of it’s father’s features at least. It’ll have red eyes, Ishvalans eyes, that much is guaranteed. It’ll be something for you to hold on to, should Scar die as he’s certain he will. It’s now also Scar’s only living relative; by blood, that is. You once promised to be his legacy, but now you’re carrying it. When Scar earns the redemption you know he deserves, this baby will be all the world has left of him. All you’ll have left… 

You’ve never felt happier.

But how can you be sure Scar will see it that way?

How are you supposed to feel about this? Your feelings are everywhere all at once. On the hand, Scar has a right to know, no matter what. On the other, does he have to though? If he does die on the Promised Day, he’ll never find out. He could die, never knowing that his child is waiting to take his place in the world.

Do you really want that for him?

You need time. Time to figure this all out. You need to weight up all your options before making a decision either way. At the end of the day, this affects everything. Will it be one more thing for Scar to fight for? Or one distraction too many? 

Right now, only one thing is certain; you need to tell Marcoh something!

Snapping out of your thoughts, you smile at him. ‘We haven’t been trying. I suppose God works in mysterious ways. Would you mind not mentioning it to him for a while? I need time to figure out how to break the news.’ It’s going to take time to work up enough courage to even think about it! You’ll get there someday, but for now, secrecy is the best course of action…

If Marcoh thinks your answer is strange, he doesn’t mention it. ‘Your marriage is none of my business. As long as you promise me you’ll start taking it easy, I’ll have no reason to tell anyone anything. If something gets too much, I don’t mind taking the strain off of you. I’m an old man now, but that baby is just starting out. It’s life is far more valuable than mine, especially after all that I’ve done…’ he still feels guilty? Even after everything he’s done?

You shake your head, a chuckle on your lips. When Marcoh gives you a confused look, you speak your mind. ‘You and Scar are quite the pair. You both have so much good in you, yet you’re both so desperate to make yourselves out to be the villains. You wallow in your own self pity so often it’s a wonder neither of you has drowned it in yet. Your past means nothing, Marcoh. There isn’t a person alive that hasn’t made at least one mistake. Sure, your mistake was… considerably worse than mistakes others may have made, but that doesn’t change the fact that it was a mistake. Do you remember that time in The North? I told you to move on from your guilt. I bet you everything I own that Kimblee isn’t sat at home crying about his part in the war. He probably has a kill tally in his bedroom or something. Men like that are the ones that deserve to feel the pain of guilt, yet they never suffer. Good men suffer, because the things that they did are so opposed to their nature that it tears at their very soul. I’m not saying that setting aside your grief will make you like Kimblee; I’m telling you that you’ve suffered enough. We’ve all suffered enough, and more suffering doesn’t make it right. We all need to heal. You’re allowed to heal. You are a doctor, after all; healing is in your job description.’ Marcoh begins to well up, and you’re beginning to think you’ve been too harsh…

Marcoh wipes his eyes. ‘You’re going to be such a wonderful mother. I hope I live long enough to see that little one grow up. If it’s anything like you, then I think you’re right about something; it really is God’s work. One angel, bringing another into the world. I think you should tell Scar as soon as he gets back. He’ll make us take you to Liore, but the hope it’ll give him… I know you’ve seen it in him. He’s convinced that this fight will be his last. Yet sometimes, when I see the way he looks at you… I don’t think anything could take him away from you for long. You mean too much to him. Even if it means going on the run for life, he’ll find a way to be with you. Both of you.’ Now it’s your turn to cry again. As much as you hope Scar will pull through, you also hope that Marcoh makes it. The world would be worse without him in it, that’s for sure…

You’re about to say more, when you notice a shift in the trees behind him; Scar is back.

Wiping your eyes, you shift your head to look at him, both of his arms laden with logs. You’re about to get up and help him when Marcoh gets up instead, winking conspiratorially. You let it slide this once, but you’ll have to make sure you do some work around here; just no heavy lifting. You don’t want to risk it, not now you know the reason behind your exhaustion. You just hope you’ve not done anything to affect it thus far…

Scar and Marcoh exchange a few hushed words as Marcoh grabs some logs, but you’re certain he’s not telling Scar anything about your pregnancy; he promised you he wouldn’t, and you’re inclined to believe him on that.

When their discussion is over, the two men return to the fire, and you hastily push your shirt back down; if Scar notices the slight bump you now have, then you’ll be forced to come clean. Would wearing clothes to bed be viewed as suspicious? You could just tell him you’re too cold to sleep naked… or have sex… or to let him cuddle you…

This secret is going to be a nightmare to keep.

After dumping the logs by the fire, Scar sits next to you, wrapping an arm around you. He pulls you into him, placing a kiss on the top of your head. You snuggle in closer, content in his embrace.

Best to enjoy that while it lasts; you won’t be able to do it much longer.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

By his own reckoning, Scar has been gone just over half an hour; is that enough time for Marcoh to find out what’s troubling his future wife?

Normally, Scar would ask her himself, but the only answer she’s given him of late is ‘I’m fine’, which Scar knows is a lie; she’s not okay. Not totally, at least.

He’d convinced himself her tiredness was down to his determination to have his way with her every time they’re alone, but now he’s not so sure. She never pushes him away or tells him that she isn’t interested, so it can’t be troubling her. If it was, he’d like to think she’d tell him to back off. He’d do it without hesitating. It’s her body, not his. He’s still amazed that she even lets him touch her, never mind… 

Scar has to kill his train of thought. If he starts thinking about the things him and his fiancée get up to when they’re alone together, he’ll find himself desperate for a repeat performance.

He’s almost ashamed of his libido. That he can’t control it like he used to is proof that his willpower is weaker than it used to be, despite the fact that willpower is what he need to keep going. Well, willpower and love, which is probably why he’s not felt like it’s weakening; the love he receives more than compensates for it.

It’s getting harder for him to stop himself from finishing inside of her though. His mind keeps screaming that he should, that she wants him to, that he needs to. At least it proves that his willpower isn’t completely broken; only once has he given in to those urges, and that was the very first time their bodies became one. Scar will take the memories of that night to his grave, if only so he can die with a smile on his face as he recalls the face of his lover, half mad with a pleasure that only he has ever made her feel…

Scar makes it back to camp, and notices that Marcoh is still discussing things with his ‘patient’. As he is still unnoticed, perhaps he should slip away again for a while, let them conclude their discussion in peace…

His fiancée looks him straight in the eyes; he can’t hide now.

It looks like she’s about to walk over, but Marcoh stops her, probably because he plans to tell Scar his diagnosis. He still feels rotten doing it like this, but he can’t stand the thought of the only person that means anything at all to him suffering in silence, all because of some stupid promise he made her make. As if he could bare to send her away from him. He’s tried pushing her away in the past, and all she did was cling on tighter; they belong together, of that much Scar is certain.

When Marcoh makes it over, Scar says a single word in a hushed tone, hoping that the other man understand its meaning. ‘Well?’ He wants to fall to his knees and pray that it’s nothing serious, but it’s too late now; all he can hear is the diagnosis.

Marcoh leans in, speaking in barely a whisper. ‘It’s as you suspected. She’s exhausted. All of this exercise is too much for her. You need to start taking it easier on her. She needs rest.’ That truly is all? That’s a great relief. Scar has had a feeling gnawing away in the back of his mind that she’s pregnant; no doubt she would hate him for inflicting such a condition onto her. At least he can repair any damage caused by exhaustion…

As soon as he and Marcoh have dropped the logs by the fire, he brings his lover into an embrace, cherishing the feeling of her body next to his. If the doctor says she has to take it easy, then he’ll do everything he can to make sure she doesn’t overdo it. He’ll carry her across the country if he has to! Anything it takes to keep her safe.

She’s the only family he has, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun dun dun. What on Earth is RC going to do?!
> 
> You’ll just have to tune in next time to find out ;) or you could try to nudge me into a decision. Either way works :P
> 
> Until next time, thank you for reading ^.^


	16. Much Needed Respite

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, 
> 
> So, it’s fluff time again. I’m beginning to think I’m obsessed with fluff at the moment…
> 
> Anyway, please enjoy ^.^

Not for the first time in recent memory, it’s the sun illuminating the tent that wakes you. For a few moments, you silently bask in the morning glow, the warmth and light reminding you of home…

… then it hits you; you’ve slept in!

Everyday since you started travelling with just Scar and Marcoh, you’ve been woken up at dawn. If the sun is high enough in the sky to seep into the tent, it must be well past dawn. If you had to guess, you’d say mid-morning, but that’s not what matters now.

If you’re still in bed, does that mean the others have left without you?

It would make sense. Scar has surely noticed your fatigue lately, and with Marcoh knowing the reason… perhaps they were concerned you’d slow them down, so they’ve abandoned you! 

You dismiss the thought as soon as it arrives; despite his seeming desire to send you away, Scar wouldn’t just leave you in the middle of nowhere. You don’t even know which part of the country you’re in at the moment. Scar and Marcoh both may have done things in the past the defy human kindness or reason, but neither of them are cruel enough to abandon a pregnant women in the woods.

Then again, as you didn’t tell Scar last night, only Marcoh would truly be guilty if that.

This worrying is getting you nowhere fast. What you should before jumping to anymore conclusions is open your eyes and examine your surroundings. Yes, that’s a solid idea.

You end up opening them a lot quicker that expected when something warm brushes against your collarbone.

Your eyes open with a jolt, and end up meeting Scar’s own eyes. Well, at least that proves he didn’t up and leave you first thing. It doesn’t explain why you’ve been allowed to sleep for so long, but it does explain why you felt something warm against your skin a moment ago; his fingertips are gently pressed against your collarbone, stroking along it with an almost painful tenderness.

When he notices you jolt in surprise, he smiles apologetically. ‘I hadn’t intended to wake you. The sight of your bare shoulder was too much for me to resist apparently. Did you sleep well at least?’ You’re just relieved he’s still actually here, even if he did spook you for a moment. You probably shouldn’t tell him that though…

You give him a sleepy smile. ‘I slept wonderfully, but I must admit I’m confused. Why didn’t you wake me at dawn?’ There must be a reason behind it. It’s not like he just forgot that you need to be awake to walk.

Scar’s fingers move from your collarbone to your neck, sliding up it slowly until he reaches your jaw. ‘You needed rest. Marcoh told me I’ve been pushing you too hard lately. Consider this an apology of sorts.’ The fingers dance across your jaw and onto the opposite side of your neck, before trailing along your other collarbone.

A mild degree of panic sets in; surely Marcoh hasn’t broken his word already? No, he wouldn’t have. You trust him enough to keep something this important a secret. Still, he said something to Scar…

Desperate to know exactly what the doctor said, you casually press Scar for details. ‘He did, did he? What did he say exactly?’ You hope your questions don’t make his suspicious. Then again, he’s the one that brought it up; he should really be expecting these questions.

Fingertips trailing from collarbone to sternum, Scar smirks. ‘That I have been too demanding. That my desire has overwhelmed my common sense. Those weren’t his exact words, but they were hidden within the things he said. I only wish you had told me sooner. Contrary to what Yoki might think, I do not expect anything physical from you. Your health is more important than anything. So, while you slept, I asked him for some advice. He told me you’re to avoid anything too physical, and that you must make sure to eat well. Thankfully, there’s a refugee camp about an hour away. If Cheng hasn’t already emptied it, they may be willing to share some of their food with you. Though we have food enough for the three of us, I want to make sure you have at least one good meal in you. Is that okay with you?’ Marcoh is a godsend. He’s somehow come up with a way for Scar to understand you need extra care without giving too much away. At least now you have a few days to think of a way to tell Scar…

As much as you’re dreading it.

Stretching your limbs, you bring a hand up to Scar’s face, brushing it with the back of your hand before dropping it to your side. ‘What did I do to deserve you?’ It’s a question you’ve never even asked yourself until now. So much has Scar focused on his own luck without realising it goes both ways. He may have a woman that will stand by him, but you’ve got a man who would do anything to protect you. Quite the pair you make…

You swear Scar is blushing, as he hides his face in your neck, alternating his works with a few soft kisses. ‘You were persistent.’ You tap him lightly on the shoulder, and he laughs before continuing. ‘Never once have you lost faith in me. Even after I told you all the horrible things I’ve done, you still stood by my side. You were even willing to give your life to protect me. If these things weren’t enough, you’ve also shown me time and time again what it means to be loved, and that makes you deserving of everything I could ever give you.’ You swear you feel a tear drop onto your neck, but you don’t mention it. You don’t think you’ve ever seen him cry before; you don’t want to spoil the moment by calling him out on it.

You hold him close, a few tears of your own spilling over. You want to tell him that he has done the same for you, but your words are stopped before they leave your mouth by another thought. 

Voice barely a whisper, you utter a single word. ‘Everything?’ Scar pulls away, the evidence of that tear still on his face. His expression is unreadable as he turns the word over in his head, trying to find the meaning behind it. In truth, it shouldn’t be too hard to him to figure out; you’re clearly trying to ask for something. You’re not expecting him to know what though…

Finally, an expression forms on his face; determination.

He leans in close, his face mere inches from yours. His voice is low and gravely, proof of his determination. ‘Name it.’ You’re glad he figured you out. It would have been beyond awkward if he didn’t catch on!

You tilt your chin up, trying to mirror his determination despite your trepidation. You even manage to sound confident, thought you’re concerned his response will snatch it away. ‘Marry me.’ 

Scar looks confused, and for good reason; he’s already asked you that!

His words echo his expression. ‘I have already made that promise to you.’ At least he’s not forgotten. You certainly haven’t. You can remember verbatim what he said, and that’s the reason for your bringing it up.

Placing your hand over the one still resting on your breastbone, you gaze softly into his eyes. ‘You promised me you’d marry me after the war. I don’t know if I can wait that long.’ If Scar knew about the baby, he wouldn’t want to wait either, but you don’t want that to be the only reason he agrees to marry sooner, if he even would…

Scar furrows his brows in confusion. ‘That isn’t possible. I’m a criminal, I can’t just walk in somewhere and book a wedding ceremony. Besides, the waiting list alone would be longer than the time we have. If there was a way, I’d marry you tomorrow, but it’s not…’ he thinks for a moment, his eyes becoming distant as thought takes over. 

When he finally does think up whatever he was searching for, he looks far too pleased with himself. ‘Does it have to be legal, or would a spiritual one be enough?’ A spiritual one? You’d never actually thought… oh, but that would make sense.

It’s just a shame that there’s problems with that too, something you can’t help but point out. ‘Who would perform the ceremony? Don’t me wrong, I like Marcoh and all, but he both already thinks we’re married, and knows nothing of Ishvalan culture. I presume that you want a traditional ceremony?’ You’re not sure you’ve ever gone in for all that ceremony. Marriage is between two people ultimately, and getting yourself into massive debt just to throw some unbelievably lavish party just seems wrong, especially given the expectations that follow a wedding…

You need to get babies off your mind!

Again, Scar thinks, but this time the answer finds him swiftly. ‘If he has not already fled, we could ask my former master. I cannot promise he would, especially given… I have broken many vows. A man in my position should have asked permission before even considering courtship. The fact that I skipped all of that in favour of bedding you will not work in our favour. If I had managed to maintain my self control, it would not have taken much to convince him to overlook the lack of permission. As it is, my actions that night, and almost every night subsequently, may have ruined that chance. I’m sorry.’ He pushes himself away, his hand leaving your body. 

You sit up just after, allowing the covers to pool around your waist. You sit forward slightly, trying to make the small bump on your abdomen less pronounced. The last thing you want is to argue over that when you’re still in a debate with Scar…

A debate you fear you can’t win, so you sigh heavily. ‘That’s okay. It was a stupid request. Besides, I imagine the last thing you want is to leave behind a widow, if your plan goes as badly as you seem to think it will.’ You regret the words the moment they leave your mouth. You’ve become rather fatalistic of late, haven’t you? Maybe it’s the reality of this conflict finally setting in.

Scar brings a hand up to your face, cradling your cheek in his palm. ‘It was the furthest thing from that. The only thing that would made me happier would be a world in which I wouldn’t have to leave behind a widow.’ You want to tell him that this could be that world, but you’re tired of disagreeing with him today. You should probably just let it slide at start dressing.

Before you get the chance, Scar’s hand falls from your face, and his eyes zero in on your exposed breasts, a confused expression on his face.

There’s the slightest hint of embarrassment in his voice. ‘Your breasts look different.’ They do? You haven’t noticed that yourself, but you don’t make a habit of staring at them… 

Oh shit. That’s a pregnancy thing. Does Scar know that? What if he does? What if he figures it out?! What will he do if he does?! You still need time to explain it!

Not knowing what else to do, you try to play it off as nothing. ‘They do? How so?’ Please don’t say they look like they’re getting ready for breastfeeding…

Scar shifts in his seat as he gives you a single word answer. ‘Larger.’ His eyes are still on them, as if he’s scrutinising them with great intensity. You need to find a way to distract him before he looks too closely.

Putting on an expression of mock offence, you pull the blanket up over yourself, hiding yourself from Scar’s gaze. 

Your voice is one of mock offence too. ‘Do you honestly stare at my chest so often that the slightest change is obvious to you?’ Even though you’re not being serious, it’s still a good question; how did Scar notice a change in breast size?

Once again, you’re certain Scar is blushing, though to his credit, he does look you in the eyes when he answers this time. ‘I have spent enough time with your body that every inch of it is familiar to me. I’m sorry if my observation disturbed you.’ That’s… kinda hot actually. Or it would be, if you weren’t trying to hide certain changes from him…

As he seems to be taking you seriously, you do an obviously fake sigh, dramatically resting the back of your hand against your forehead. ‘I am truly disturbed, Sir. But I’ll forgive you because I love you.’ Even if you were actually mad at him, you’ve forgiven him way worse than him taking his time to memorise your body. 

You’re also guilty of the same in fact, but he doesn’t need to know that.

Scar smiles, a rare sight still, even to your eyes. ‘A love which I return a thousand times over. That much I won’t apologise for.’ You’d be more concerned if he did start apologising for that. Since when has mutual love ever required an apology? Unless you’re a serial killer convinced he’s going to die… oh wait!

With the conversation drawing to a natural close, you playfully shoo Scar out of the tent so you can dress.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

After swiftly changing into the baggiest clothing you own, you walk towards Scar and Marcoh, the two men sitting by the remains of the fire and talking to each other.

Marcoh seems to be in good spirits. ‘It’s been nice to have a slow day today. I think it’s a break we all needed.’ You second that for sure.

Scar nods. ‘We have journeyed far these last months. I only wish we didn’t have so far left to go.’ 

Marcoh hums. ‘Thats true. We still have much to do, and such a small amount of time to do it in. We’ll do it though. We don’t have the luxury of failing now, not when so much is at stake.’ He’s not wrong there. An entire country is a pretty high stakes indeed.

To your surprise, Scar nod along. ‘Indeed. If we fail, then what remains of my people will be lost. Even if Cheng managed to convince some to leave, we cannot hope to rebuild with so few.’ You’d never considered that. Are there even enough Ishvalans left right now? The remaining Ishvalans are so spread out it’s impossible to know how many survivors are out there…

Marcoh tilts his head in confusion. ‘That’s what you want? To rebuild? Huh.’ 

Now it’s Scar’s turn to be confused. ‘Is that really so surprising?’ 

A low chuckles leaves Marcoh’s mouth. ‘Well, you are wanted for murder. I’d always assumed destruction was your aim. Has something changed, perchance? Something to do with your wife?’ You can’t take total credit for Scar’s change of heart, but you’d like to think you’re part of the reason at least…

A smile appears on one side of Scar’s mouth. ‘I desire to rebuild for the simple reason that I’m now in a position to do so. Before I met her, I had no reason to want peace. I only had the desire to avenge my family, and to punish those Alchemists who had strayed from God’s path. I realise now that I was just the same. I too had strayed. I let my anger consume me, and someday soon I shall pay the ultimate price for that. If I had only followed the example of my peers and endured…’ he takes a deep breath. ‘My life is different now. I will never see my family again, but now I have the opportunity to create my own. Or I would, were it not for my actions. I will never have the chance to start anew. I will never have a home of my own, and I’ll never get to hold my children or grow old with my wife. All the things I never knew I wanted are now lost to me forever. So yes. I have changed. If it is for the best remains to be seen.’ Now would be a good time for you to make your entrance official…

You walk over to Scar, placing a hand on his shoulder. ‘If it makes you feel better, I think it’s for the best.’ Scar’s hand joins yours on his shoulder, squeezing it gently.

After a moment, Scar stands, and turns to address you. ‘I’m going to pack away our things. We can leave once you’ve eaten.’ He gestures for you to sit in his now vacant seat, an order you follow with ease. 

As Scar walks away, Marcoh hands you a bowl of food, leaning in so he can whisper to you. ‘I take it you haven’t told Scar yet?’ Is he going to keep on your case until you do? You hope not, as that’s going to be a real pain… and put pressure on you.

You shake your head. ‘Not yet. I need to wait until I’ve got my own head around the idea before I tell Scar.’ You’re not sure you’ll ever get your head around it, but you’ll try. You’ll have to, after all; ignoring the situation won’t change it.

Marcoh’s mood seems to deflate a little. ‘Oh. I suppose that’s fair enough. I’ll try to stop myself asking.’ He looks guilty for some reason. You’re not sure why; he was only asking you a question.

Trying not to make him feel worse, you shake your head. ‘It’s fine, Marcoh. I know you’re just concerned about me. Thank you for telling Scar to make things easier on me. I’m not sure if I could have thought of a suitable excuse.’ You could have tried the whole ‘I have a headache line, but Scar is a bit too observant for that. We’ll either that or you could have been honest and actually told him you were too tired, but that would be too easy apparently.

Marcoh’s mood seems to brighten back up. ‘There’s nothing to thank me for; I don’t want anything bad to happen to either of you. I would advice telling Scar as soon as you can though. You heard what he told me a moment ago. He may not live to hold his child, but at least he’ll know that he had the life he wanted, only if for a moment.’ He’s right on one count. However…

You shake your head. ‘Or it will destroy him. He’ll get the chance to hold his dream in his hands, only for it to be snatched away from him. His final moments will be spent watching everything he wants being torn away from him. I don’t know if I could do that to him. It seems like the ultimate act of cruelty.’ You have to stop yourself crying, lest Scar ask why. You’d hate for him to think Marcoh had upset you in some way; their relationship is fragile enough already.

Marcoh sighs heavily. ‘I suppose you know better than I. You should do what you think. All I ask is that you take my opinion into account when you make that choice, because goodness knows if I was in Scar’s position, knowing that there was something better waiting for me would be the difference between surrendering to the inevitable, and fighting just that little bit harder.’ It’s only been a day, and he’s still pilling in pressure? You’re beginning to doubt if he will be able to keep quiet…

Swallowing a bite of your breakfast, you nod solemnly before answering. ‘I promise I’ll tell him when the time is right, but can we just leave it for now? We have much bigger problems. If we can’t put Scar’s plan into action, then neither me nor the tiny human inside me will even be alive to worry about. We need to find someone who can tattoo the other design into Scar’s arm quickly. If we don’t find one soon, the tattoo will be scabbed and unusable.’ How long would a tattoo like that take to heal? Is there a way to avoid scabbing altogether? Your only real knowledge of it is that someone in the East City camp got a tattoo of a bird from a less than qualified friend; it had taken weeks for the scabs to settle, and even longer for him to fully recover from the septicaemia caused by said friend’s questionably hygienic set up. Hopefully the person you find to tattoo Scar doesn’t reuse their needles like an idiot…

On this much at least, Marcoh seems to agree with you. ‘True enough. Hopefully there’ll be someone in the refugee camp nearby. Scar did tell you about that, didn’t he?’ You nod. ‘Good. If the people are still there, it’ll give us the chance to rest and evaluate our situation properly. We’ll need to plan our movements carefully from now on to avoid wasting time. In truth, I’m glad it’s just the three of us now; at least the three of us can move faster than a group of six.’ Six? Oh, little Xiao-Mei. How could you forget? How is Mei doing right now? Is she back in Xing? Such an immense journey for such a young child, and with such a burden. You hope one day you get to see her again, if only to know that she’s safe.

You hurriedly finish your breakfast after that.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

As Scar packs away the tents, for once his mind doesn’t directly drift towards the woman sat a few metres away. No, it has drifted to their destination, the nearby refuge camp, and what he might find there.

In truth, there is a part of him that hopes it is empty. As much as they could do with the rest, he hates the thought of so many Ishvalans being drawn into another conflict. No one is safe in this country, especially not them. If the homunculi or the Promised Day don’t kill them, then there’s always a chance the military or that monster Kimblee will. It’s one of the reasons he didn’t suggest that his fiancée remain in the Northern Camp; at least in Liore she could blend in with all the others who had lost everything. 

His thoughts could go back to thinking of her, but he redirects them, thinking back on their earlier conversation about his former master. As much as Scar hates to hope, he can’t help but do so when it comes to him. He hopes that he’ll get to see his former master one more time before he goes, even if it’s a selfish wish. With any luck, said former master is half way to Xing now, on his way to safety. Still, despite Scar’s insistence that the man would disprove of his impromptu courtship with ‘the woman from the healer’s tent’, he knows deep down that he’d be happy for him. He may have lost his way as a monk long ago, but now he is slowly regaining his way as a man, no small feet when you’ve a past like his.

Scar sighs contentedly, his eyes drifting over his travelling companions. It would be no exaggeration to say that one of them seems to be growing more beautiful with each passing day, and he’s not referring to Marcoh. Marcoh is however leaning uncomfortably close to the one that is…

It occurs to Scar that they must be discussing her health, despite the fact that she already knows he has spoken to Marcoh about it. Perhaps she simply wishes to thank him? Or perhaps he’s questioning her on Scar’s treatment of her?

Or maybe he’s not told him the truth?

He shouldn’t listen in. He knows he shouldn’t. But fear takes hold of his common sense. What if she is terminally ill, and hiding it from him to spare him the heartbreak? If she’ll outlive him despite her condition, maybe that’s exactly what she’s planning. She is definitely the type to suffer in silence while she helps carry his own burdens. 

Focusing his ears as best he can, Scar manages to catch a single snippet of the conversation.

‘I promise I’ll tell him when the time is right, but can we just leave it for now?’ 

He knew it.

There is something else wrong with her.

Scar has to fight the urge to fall to his knees in grief. God would truly take away the only good thing in his life? She would hide her failing health to spare him the pain? If this is true, then what is he fighting for? The lives of the people who butchered his race? Why bother? Why not take all of the Ishvalans away and let Amestris die, let them suffer as he has suffered? It’s a cruel though, but who cares? It is no crueler than the thought of losing the only person in his life worth fighting for anymore.

‘Yes it is,’ his heart tells him ‘because ultimately, she is one person. No one life is worth more than any other, not really. She may be worth everything to you, but there are people out there who feel the same about their partners, about their families. You would let them suffer your pain too? What about all the children out there? They did not fight that war. They are strangers to this world, and ignorant of its failings. You would let them die out of spite?’ A few months ago, the answer to that would have been a categorical yes. Yes, letting them die out spite is better than them living thanks to some false sense of pity. He is no longer that man; he has seen too much to be that man anymore.

His brain chips in this time, for once more or less in agreement with his heart. ‘You have to go through with the plan no matter what. Besides, you’re assuming the worst. There are other health concerns she could be hiding. How long has it been since that first night in the North? Three months or so? You did wish that God would give her someone else to live for…’ Oh.

Oh.

She’s pregnant?!

Rushing to that conclusion seems just as bad as rushing to the other, but it’s a much better though. A world without her would be a terrible one, but a world where she’s carrying their child…

He’s failed her. He’s failed to give her the only kindness he could. What life will she have now? What man would take in a serial killer’s widow and unborn child? What kind of life will the child have, always having it’s father’s crimes hanging around it’s neck? The two of them will have nobody but each other when he’s gone. If leaving behind a widow is terrible, then leaving behind a fledgling family is worse.

What evidence does he have though? She may be tired, but she’s not actually been sick or anything. What other signs are there?

He takes a quick glance at her stomach. It doesn’t look swollen, but her clothing is hanging off of her so much he can’t make out her shape at all, so that’s a bust. 

Oh, bust! Her breasts are bigger! Is that a thing? He’s never thought to study female biology, as he never thought he’d need to. Are they getting ready to feed the baby? It seems like it could be a thing. Maybe he could ask the women at the next camp…

Stop! His mind is moving far too quickly. He’s gone from thinking she’s dying to thinking she’s pregnant in the space of a few moments. He should just ask her, be upfront with her. She’s always been honest with him in the past. If he only asked…

No. He won’t ask. He can’t. If he asks, and it turns out she is dying… he doesn’t want to know. As selfish as it is, he can’t bring himself to know that. Instead, he’s going to assume that his other thought is correct, and treat her as if she’s pregnant. What does he have to lose? Either way, he’ll need to treat her with tenderness and care. And if she should never tell him, and he should go to his death never hearing those words, then maybe he’ll have strength enough in him to keep on fighting. If he assumes that there’s more than one person waiting for him, he might even survive…

If he knows he has a family that needs him, he may even find a way to be with them.

Well, there’s little point thinking about it at the moment. As his love has already pointed out, there is a bigger concern right now; making it to the camp is the priority now. Would she get suspicious if he carried her there? He could try to gage if she’s gained weight over the last few months. Or, again, he could just ask her…

He’s not going to have this same argument again. For now, waiting is the only real option he has.

He can only hope the truth is worth the wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I’m hoping that was okay? I promise there will be much-needed plot in the next chapter! 
> 
> Until then, feel free to tell me what you think of the story so far, and I hope to see you next chapter ^.^


	17. His Master’s Voice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi,
> 
> Here’s the next chapter. Hope it’s okay ^.^

The refugee camp is actually a lot closer than Scar had mentioned.

You only seemed to be travelling for an hour or so before you were greeted with the all-too familiar sight of tents and improvised fire pits. It was only when you’d caught a few flashes of white hair however that you found yourself able to relax; for all you had known, it could have been an Amestrian military encampment.

Much like the refugees in the North, these had also been more than willing to take you in, practically shoving food in front of you the moment you arrived. You’d ended up having more than your fair share as it happened, given that Scar took it upon himself to dump half of what he’d been given into your bowl.

It’s been a few hours since then, and you find yourself sitting alone by a dying fire, thinking about things. Well, perhaps ‘things’ is saying too much, as there’s only ever one thing that seems to occupy your mind.

Scar. 

He’s not himself at all today, and it’s worrying you.

What transpired inside your tent this morning isn’t exactly unusual; uncommon, certainly, but not completely out of place for Scar. More than once he’s taken the time to softly caress you as he speaks, the warmth from his fingertips a great comfort.

No, the truly usual things had started after he finished packing up your supplies.

The first thing that caught you off guard was his insistence that he carry you to your location. When you’d smiled and reused him, he’d stared deep into your eyes, demanding that you relent and accept his offer. When you once again refused, he’d tried to get Marcoh on his side, eyes staring straight into the older man’s soul. His plan failed however; Marcoh said he was confident you’d be okay with a short walk.

If you didn’t know better, you’d swear your lover was fighting the urge to pout the whole way here.

Another thing he’d done is keep his eyes fixed on you for almost the entire journey, almost colliding with several trees in the process. His gaze was not full of it’s usual fondness or smoulder though; instead, it was intense, as if he was searching for something. You can’t be certain, but that’s what it felt like. Then again, that could always just be paranoia; if Scar realises that your stomach is swelling…

Well, you don’t have to worry about that for a while now. Scar has been gone for most of the day now, disappearing with Marcoh and another Ishvalan shortly after arriving. After a single quick kiss goodbye, you’d been left to your own devices, something that is a real rarity these days. So much so that you’ve sat and done nothing but dwell on the events of the last few days. It’s still hard to believe that six months from now, you’ll be holding a child in your arms. How are you going to manage on your own if Scar doesn’t make it? Will the other villagers help you, wherever you decide to settle? Maybe there’s a chance the government will see reason after you’ve helped save the country, and see fit to return Ishval to its people. You’d jump at the chance to raise your child the same place you were raised, as impossible as that seems. You’re certain Scar would feel the same, if he only knew.

It’s just a shame he’ll never know. 

You can’t tell him. You can’t do that to him. It’ll destroy him. He’ll think it a cruel joke, having everything just as he stands about to lose it all again, or he’ll be angry at you for ignoring his feelings on having children, as if it was your choice! You can’t risk upsetting him in any way, not now. Let him think everything is normal for these final few months. You owe him that much. Even if it means you’ll have to deal with the stress of pregnancy by yourself, you’ll spare him the knowledge that he’s got more to lose than ever.

You just have to find a way to keep Marcoh quiet too.

Sighing heavily, you give the fire a quick prod with a stick. All of this thinking has you feeling more alone than ever. Maybe you should look around the camp for some company…

As if they can read minds, you hear a voice behind you. ‘Excuse me, Miss. May I join you?’ You turn around, about to tell the stranger that they’re more than welcome to sit with you, but your words die in your throat the moment you realise who it is.

You’ve only seen the man once before, but with Scar’s constant mentioning of him, it feels like you know him far better than that.

It’s the visitor Scar had back in the East City slums; his former master.

This is going to be an interesting conversation.

Even though you don’t answer, you smile, and he takes that as invitation enough to join you. He takes a seat next to you, smiling widely. ‘It’s good to see you again, Miss. Please forgive me if you don’t remember me, but we met briefly in Easy City. You were treating a former student of mine.’ That’s only part of why you remember him…

Finally finding your voice, you tell him as much. ‘How could I forget the man who urged me to give up everything to help said former student?’ 

Scar’s former master chuckles. ‘I suppose that’s true. It’s not everyday a stranger asks you to do such a thing. Still, as you never returned to the slums, I take it you did as I asked?’ He didn’t technically ask you anything, but you’re still not sure you did.

It’s your turn to chuckle. ‘Scar is a hard man to guide, especially when his mind is set on something. Still, I like to hope I’ve played some small part in shaping who he is now. He’s in camp somewhere, if you’d like to speak with him.’ You point in the general direction of where you last saw Scar, incase the man wants to take you up on that.

Instead, he waves his hand dismissively. ‘Actually, there’s something I’d like to ask, and I feel like you’re the one who’ll give me a straight answer. You see, the first I heard of my former student’s return was a woman talking about a tattooed Ishvalan and his wife arriving with an Amestrian Doctor. Forgive me if I’m being intrusive, but I must ask; what is the nature of your relationship with him?’ Why did he have to ask you? You don’t want to tell him anything that’ll make him think less of Scar, but you don’t even know what to say. What do you tell him? ‘Oh, a Xingese girl assumed we were married, so we went with it. Please don’t tell Marco because then he’ll tell Scar about our bastard baby.’?! 

You feel your heart ache at that last part. Your baby isn’t a bastard. It’s not like you and Scar have had a chance to marry. It’s a little miracle, if a secret one…

Sighing, you do your best to explain your situation without incriminating you both; if he finds out the exact nature of your relationship, there’s a good chance you’ll be ostracised by the community, thanks to the scandal of a monk having relations with a woman outside of wedlock. ‘Well… I’m sure you know that Scar and I aren’t actually married. A friend of ours made the assumption months ago, and we kept with it because we didn’t want to upset her. Our other companion Doctor Marcoh thinks the same, because we haven’t told him any different. I apologise if you find out decision inappropriate.’ That explains the most of it. Why couldn’t he have asked Scar?! At least Scar would know what to say, or would be able to explain this properly.

Scar’s former master nods, a hum forming in his chest. ‘I see. That explains that much, at least. It doesn’t answer my question though. What is the nature of your relationship?’ He’s still pressing you for answers. What are you supposed to tell him now?

With no words to say that won’t incriminate you both, you look at the ground between your legs, and try your best not to sob as your tears begin to flow.

You almost jump out of your seat when you feel a hand land on your shoulder.

Trying your hardest to see with your tear-filled eyes, you look at the hand, then trail your eyes along the arm it’s attached to until you find it’s owner; Scar’s former master. 

His voice is a lot softer than it was a moment ago. ‘I need you to understand that I’m not judging you, nor am I trying to condemn your actions. I’m only asking because the man you know as Scar is like a son to me. I only wish to know if he is happy, and to thank you for any part you may have played in his happiness. If you’re concerned I’ll think less of either of you for what you may or may not have done, you’re mistaken. Scar has already broken so many of his ancient vows, all for the most abhorrent of reasons. Knowing that he crossed the final line out of love… it would almost be a comfort to me. At least then I’ll know there is something of himself left inside of him somewhere. So please, tell me the truth.’ How are you supposed to lie when he says things like that?! It’s a dirty trick, and it feels like he’s trying to lure you into a false sense of security. Yet looking at him now, you don’t think you could lie even if you are right…

Taking a deep breath, you give him the answer he’s been looking for. ‘You ask the nature of our relationship, but I’m certain you’ve already figured it out. I have been in love with Scar for a while now, and about three months ago he told me he returns that love. He’s even promised to marry me, should he survive long enough to do so.’ It feels so strange saying this all outloud. You’ve never had to explain yourself like this before. You feel like a teenager, caught hiding behind a building kissing a boy. You shouldn’t feel this way, but you can’t help it; it’s just the way the man in front of you is making you feel.

The older Ishvalan considers your answer for a moment, before humming once again. ‘I see. And has your love manifested itself physically?’ Well now, isn’t that the last question you want to answer…

Regardless, you nod. ‘It has. More than once. Ever since that first confession, Scar and I have… well, I’m sure I don’t have to say it. It was all of my instigating however. I am the one who seduced him. If you are to blame anyone for what has happened between us, I would ask that you blame me. If you wish for me to face judgement of some kind, I’d ask that you keep Scar out of it.’ He has enough to deal with at the moment. If he had to face the wrath of his former master… it would break him just as surely as your death would.

Before the man has time to answer, you hear a gruff voice coming from the other side of the fire. ‘She is lying to protect me. I am in the wrong here. If our love is sin, then I am the one who should face damnation.’ How long has Scar been stood there? Has he heard everything? Will he hate you for coming clean so easily?

To your surprise, Scar’s former master scoffs. ‘You talk as if this is the thing that is worth damnation, as if you’ve not already committed even greater sins. However, as a pillar of our community, I must ask that I speak to you in private.’ You’ve ruined it. All of it. You know in your heart that Scar will take that man’s word as written. If he tells Scar to leave you, or that your relationship is forbidden…

Scar grunts. ‘All right. Come, the trees over there should give us enough privacy to talk.’ He points to the forest with his left hand, and you gasp; it’s bandaged up. 

What did that other Ishvalan do to him?!

As the two men make for the trees, Scar gives you an intense look, before speaking to you with unexpected tenderness. ‘You must be exhausted. If you ask, I’m sure someone will find a place for you to sleep. I’ll join you when I can.’ If he can is more like it. What if his mentor bans contact between you too?

Scar and his former master quickly disappear from your sight, once again leaving you alone by the fire.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

As they make it to the trees, Scar’s heart drops straight into his stomach. 

This situation reminds Scar of something that happened when he was just a child. His master (who at that was little more to Scar than a monk) had caught him kissing a female friend once. It was a purely innocent gesture of course; at six years old, Scar had no idea that such a thing was wrong. His mother kissed him often when he was hurt or upset, and given that his friend had just hurt her knee on a rock, he thought it would cheer her up. He’d been ashamed of himself when the monk told him the true meaning of such an act, and sworn never to do such a thing again. 

Now here he is all these years later, preparing himself to be reprimanded for so much more than an innocent gesture.

He shouldn’t be surprised. What did he think would happen? Did he assume he could live in his perfect little bubble world forever? The world that he never intended to create, but will now protect at all costs? He should have seen this coming, should have realised he’d be punished for his indiscretion.

At best, he’ll be ostracised and shamed. At worst, he’ll be told he’s to avoid any further contact with the woman he loves.

Just the thought of such a thing hurts Scar in ways he’d never even imagined possible.

He deserves it though. He’s known all along that someday he’d have to pay for his luck. He only wishes he could have had this happiness just a while longer, at least long enough to know if she really is carrying his child. Would his master spare him the pain of losing her if he knew? Or would he send Scar away and force his lover to abandon the child at birth, to spare it the shame of being born outside of marriage? It seems so cruel a fate for such a pure soul, a pure soul that Scar created. The only good thing he’s ever done.

Still, maybe the baby would be better off without him, if it even exists. For all Scar knows, his lover could truly be dying. In that case, forcing Scar to abandon her would be a kindness to him, but an unrivalled cruelty to her; she needs someone by her side as she prepares to cross over, but the thought of watching her die is too much for him to even think about.

Scar is so lost in thought that he barely registers his master coming to a halt, and only narrowly avoids walking straight into him.

Scar’s former master gives him a look that could melt stone. ‘I thought better of you. When I sent that young woman after you, not for a moment did I think you’d seduce her like this. I meant for her to be your companion, not your whore. Do you have anything to say for yourself?’ The words cut deep, but Scar isn’t hurting for himself.

Scar all but growls in response. ‘Don’t call her that. You think she means so little to me? That all she does is warm my bed? She means more to me than that.’ Though if pushed, he’d have difficulty saying jut how much…

Still, Scar’s former master glares. ‘You say that you love her, yet you bedded her without hesitation. You know our culture better than anyone. You know full well the consequences of your actions.’ Better than anyone, as it happens…

Scar scowls. ‘You said yourself that I have committed sins far worse than sleeping with the woman I love. My reputation is beyond repair, and I am already facing the consequences of that.’ The fact that he’s certain to face execution at the end of his journey being the biggest one…

The look on the older Ishvalan softens. ‘It is not your reputation that concerns me. In matters such as this, what the woman said is true; she is the one to blame for seducing you. That is what the entire world will think when news of your indiscretion reaches their ears. They will say that she seduced you for her own wicked purposes, and that you as a man were powerless to resist such seduction.’ Is that truly what they’ll think?! How could they?! That they would blame his lover for his own weakness… 

Scar is running out of things to say, ways to justify his actions. So, against his better judgement, he says the first thing that comes to mind. ‘I forced myself on her. That’s what I’ll tell people. She was so pure and good that I wanted to corrupt her. Would people judge her then?’ They couldn’t. How can you judge the victim of such a thing?

The monk shakes his head. ‘You think she would allow you to do such a thing? She told me that she is in love with you. I doubt she would be willing to lie about that. No, I am afraid there is no way out of this for you. The two of you have both committed a taboo, and there is only one way that I shall overlook it.’ Scar’s breath stops. What is it to be then? Exile? Separation? Is there no way out of this?

All but defeated, Scar nods. ‘I’ll hear what it is you’d have me do, but if you think for a moment I’ll let you take her from me…’ he doesn’t want to hurt anyone, but if that’s what it takes to keep her by his side, he’ll do it without hesitation. Even if she might not forgive him for such a thing, he has to try. 

Unfazed by Scar’s threat, the older Ishvalan smiles. ‘I want the opposite as it happens. After all, these problems only exist if you remain unwed. If you were to marry her tonight, I see no reason why I or anyone else should take her from you.’

What? Is he?

Scar’s shock must show on his face, because his former mentor keeps talking. ‘I’ve seen the way you look at her, and I’ve just heard how you’ll do whatever it takes to be with her. I can’t allow your affair to continue, but the last thing I want is to rob you of your happiness. While you may have categorically failed as a monk, there is still time to make something of your life, and I believe marriage is a good first step. So, what will it be? Will you choose to continue living your life of sin, or will you take the first step towards redemption?’ Scar is still finding this hard to take in. His former master would truly do this for him? Whatever his fiancé said must have made quite the impression; if Scar had requested such a thing back at the refugee camp, he would have been shot down immediately. Then again, he wasn’t quite himself back then. Now however…

Finally getting over the initial shock, Scar finally responds. ‘I have already taken steps towards redemption, though I am not sure if such a thing is possible for me at this point. If it were, then marriage would certainly come into it. I have done things these past months that will come to haunt me, should I survive long enough to sleep properly at night. Of all this things, that which you would call a sin is not one of them. I will never look upon my love as a thing of nightmares or regret. It was the catalyst for everything that has happened subsequently, and the one thing that keeps pushing me forward. So, if you would have me marry so that I may keep that love, then so be it. Were it not for you suggesting it tonight, I would have sought you out to beg for such a thing. The only thing that woman in the camp has asked of me for so long is that I marry her before I die, something I had thought impossible. Now here you are, offering to do it without me requesting such a thing. I’m almost certain that this whole conversation is not real.’ If it were a dream though, surely Scar would have not received such a tongue lashing earlier? Then again, such a thing would be in-keeping with his memories of the man…

Scar’s former master smiles. ‘I believe that settles it then. An hour from now, I want you to take your lover to a small clearing north of the camp; ask someone if you’re unsure of the location. I shall go there now to prepare. If you fail to arrive on time, I shall send you and your traveling companions away tonight, and make sure everyone in our community knows of your actions. Is that clear?’ He’s still making threats after everything he just said? Well, at least Scar is determined it won’t come to that…

Scar nods. ‘Very well. We’ll meet you there.’ He hopes so, at least. He can’t speak for her, even if she did express a wish to marry him just this morning. There’s no guarantee she’s not changed her mind.

Even if there was, Scar has long since stop taken anything as a certainty.

As Scar silently makes his way back to camp alone, he contemplates how best to tell her of this conversation. Does he tell her what’s at stake if she refuses him, or just get on his hands and knees and beg her to marry him? Or, maybe all he’ll have to do is ask her. While there’s no guarantee she’s not changed her mind, there’s no guarantee that’s she has. He just has to think of the best way to vocalise his thoughts. 

As he finally makes it back to the fire, and sees his lover still sitting alone (Marcoh had retired as soon as he’d left the tent earlier, the continued walking clearly a strain on him too), words suddenly form in his mind.

As his lover looks up at him expectantly, the light from the fire making her skin shimmer a little, he blurts his words out without hesitation.

‘Marry me tonight.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun dun du- yeah, we all know what’s going to happen here. Still, for confirmation of this, be sure to read the next chapter when I finally write it :P Until then, thank you for reading


	18. A Single Request

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Howdy!
> 
> Sorry I’ve been away so long. I hope this chapter makes up for it.
> 
> Enjoy ^.^

‘Marry me tonight.’

Did he… did you hear that right? He wants to marry you tonight? Where is this… how…?

You must looked stunned, because Scar starts to look nervous. ‘I know it’s sudden, and of course you can refuse me, but if you do, then we’ll be exiled. My haste has damned us both, and I’m sorry it has to be like this, but if we’re not married an hour from now, then we will not be accepted by our people any longer. You know that if I could, I’d happily live the rest of my days with only you by my side. If I had to, I would risk being cast out by our people to be with you, because I would always be by your side to protect our family. But I won’t be around to do that, so I have to make sure you have a safe place when I’m gone. For your sake, and the… marry me tonight’ And the what? Who else could possibly be impacted by this? And why is he phrasing it like it’s something he’s having to talk you into?

You rise from your seat immediately, closing the distance between them and putting your hands on his face. ‘You don’t have to convince me. Only this morning I asked you to marry me. Do you think a few short hours is enough time to change that? To change how I feel? There is nothing that could change that now. So okay. I’ll marry you tonight. But… I’d like to make a request.’ It’s a big risk, but it feels right. It can’t hurt to ask either…

Scar looks like he wants to fall to his knees and thank you, but he settles for putting his hands on your hips, his grip slightly firmer than usual. ‘Anything. I’ll do anything you want, if it means that I get to sleep with my wife in my arms tonight.’ It’s just as well you’re not a terrible person; if you were, you could make him do just about anything right now. As it is…

Steadying yourself with a deep breath, you tell him what you want. ‘I know that we can’t have what most would consider a perfect wedding, but that doesn’t bother me. I don’t need a million guests and mountains of food. All I need you is, a priest, and… this is where my request comes in. In an ideal world, I’d have wanted my family there. I know I said I was happy with just the two of us, but with your master performing the ceremony, it’s almost like you have a family member there. He told me himself that you’re like a son in his eyes. So, if you get to have a stand in family member, I’d like to invite one of my own; I’d like Marcoh to be there. I know it seems sick and wrong after what he did during the war, but you know, I think this wedding could be about so much more than just our love. I’ve attended enough weddings to know what it entails. The lovers walking hand-in-hand around a fire, and make promises to each other before Ishvala that can never be broken. In that moment, they change forever. Everything you were before pails in comparison to who you are afterwards. It’s like washing the slate clean, and while I know what Marcoh is just a guest…’

‘You want the same for Marcoh. You want his slate wiped clean. After what he’s done to our people, you care for him? I shouldn’t be surprised. If you could find it in you to love a murderer like me, it only makes sense that you could forgive the man who turned our people into ingredients.’ Scar’s mouth says one thing, but his eyes say another; deep down, he still retains some kind of hatred towards Marcoh.

That’s not about to stop you from explaining yourself. ‘You think I could ever truly forgive him? There will always be scars on our souls because of his actions. Yet when I look at him, I don’t see a bad person; I see a good man who made some truly dreadful mistakes. It’s much the same thing that I see in you. The only difference is that you have me, a speck of something bright in the overwhelming darkness. Marcoh has nothing but his own despair, his own guilt. I honestly believe that if we offer him a speck of light, he could do real good for the world without the weight of his conscience crushing down on his precious efforts. Anyway, it’s only a request, I’ll marry you either way…’ He’s almost certainly going to reject the idea, isn’t he? Well, maybe it’s for the best…

Scar seems to deliberate internally for what feels like a lifetime, before finally giving you an answer. ‘If he will come, he will be welcome. I agree that there is good in the man, despite his crimes, but that is not why I am agreeing to this. From now until the day that I die, I shall make your happiness my priority. Our time together is growing shorter by the moment, so I intend to make every second count. Even if I cannot give you the life that you deserve, I can at least give you memories of being loved so completely that it makes the pain of loss almost worth it. Find Marcoh, then meet me back here. Do not take too long; my master has granted us one hour to prepare, and I do not intend to be late.’ He kisses you passionately, and your stomach begins to flutter. So he really wasn’t exaggerating? An hour from now, you’ll be marrying Scar, and in two hours, you and he will finally embrace as husband and wife… the thought makes you eager to get to Scar’s former master.

As such, you separate from your soon-to-be-husband, and go off towards Marcoh’s tent, hoping that this small act of kindness won’t result in him spilling your secret to Scar.

After all, the last thing any man wants on his wedding day is to discover his new wife has been hiding something.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Marcoh’s tent isn’t far from the fire, which is convenient in this case; it gives you that little bit longer to try and convince him to come with you.

Not that there’s much chance of that anyhow. After all, what are you to each other really? Travelling companions, mostly, though he’s recently taken to acting as your doctor and confidant as well, keeping your secret as if he were your doctor! 

…He’s really going to flip his lid when you tell him the truth, isn’t he?

You’re almost not ready for the horrendous lecture you’re about to receive. Unplanned and unmarried pregnancies are always considered the woman’s fault, and as you’ve gone so far as to lie about said pregnancy to the father… you’re just hoping Marcoh is not petty, or both your secrets will be out before you marry. Maybe he’ll take it upon himself to shout your so-called sins to everyone before hearing you out…

No time to think of that now; you’re at his tent.

As there’s no door to knock on, you call out for him, hoping he’s still awake. ‘Doctor Marcoh? Are you there? I need to speak with you urgently.’ If he’s not awake, you’ll just have to leave without him; you can’t miss this chance.

A voice calls out in an instant. ‘Mrs Scar? Of course, come in.’ You’ll gain that title soon enough, but for now, it feels far more awkward than it used to…

You enter his tent without further prompting, hastily closing the flap behind you.

For a man about to sleep, he’s made little effort to get himself into such a state; he’s still fully dressed, and appears to be wide awake. Perhaps your visit has snapped you into lucidity? You hope not. You’d hate to think you’ve worried him…

It’s seems as if worry is at the forefront of his mind right now; his brow is furrowed, and he looks like he’s ready to spring into action at any moment. ‘Is it the baby? Is something wrong? I’ll do what I can to help you, but if it’s something serious…’ shit, you have worried him! He thinks there’s something wrong with the baby!

You shake you head, running a hand over the tiny bump that is your growing child. ‘Everything is fine. I mean, I’ve not felt it moving yet, but it’s still early days. No, I’m afraid it’s something else…’ you probably shouldn’t have said that; now he’ll think there’s another medical issue.

Marcoh’s expression of concern doesn’t fade; if anything, it’s gotten more intense. ‘It’s Scar, isn’t it? Has he reacted poorly to the news? I certainly wouldn’t have expected him to turn his back on you, but I suppose I don’t truly know him. If that’s the case, don’t worry. There are plenty of options for a single mother, especially one in your position. It’ll be okay.’ He’s being so sweet, a reassure smile appearing on his worried face…

This is going to hurt so terribly.

You have to fight back tears as you speak again. ‘I still haven’t told him, but I must argue with you; there are precious few options for a woman carrying a bastard child.’ You hate the term down to your very core, but as it’s the best way of saying ‘we’re not married’ that you can think of, it’ll do.

Marcoh seems genuinely confused. ‘Is the child not Scar’s? Or… ah. I see. You and he aren’t really married, are you? And that’s why you don’t want to tell him about the child…’ you fail to fight back tears as you nod, but as they begin to fall, Marcoh stands, and hugs you, albeit somewhat awkwardly. ‘It’s okay. I shouldn’t have assumed… Mei is a child, it makes sense that she would see a man and woman together and assume… It’s still not the end of the world. There are things you can do. I could speak with Scar, beg him to consider marriage, if that’s the route you’d like to take. If not, well, I know of a charming little village that won’t ask questions. Just leave it with me. I’ll make sure you’re both okay…’ his words make you cry harder. Isn’t he angry with you? Doesn’t he think you’re a whore for sleeping with someone before marriage?

When you ask him those questions, Marcoh looks concerned again. ‘Why would I be angry with you? Because now I’m looking out for you as a doctor too? I’ve had far worse patients than you, believe me. And as for thinking you’re a whore, that’s the silliest thing I’ve ever heard. All you wanted was to be close to your lover, and in the world that we live in I don’t blame you even slightly. Besides, the outcome really isn’t that bad. I know Scar would panic if he ever found out, but as I just said, there are options. I think you’d be better off discussing them with him, not me though. Unless you want me to mediate?’ You know women usually cry on their wedding day, but you’re probably about to set the record. He’s not angry, not even slightly. It hurts even more knowing the kinds of acts he’s been mixed up with in the past, and makes your decision even more certain.

You allow yourself a moment to cry, before you do your best to pull yourself together, and address the man before you. ‘Thank you. You’ve always shown me so much kindness no matter what. But you don’t need to beg Scar or mediate a discussion; he and I are marrying tonight, in a clearing not far from here. His former master has agreed to perform the ceremony for us.’ 

Marcoh pulls back from the hug, his eyes wide. ‘That’s fantastic! You should go to him immediately! Don’t waste your chance talking to an old fool like me! Get out there and marry him!’ As enthusiastic as he is, Marcoh should consider a career as a life coach, should he decide that being a doctor is no longer for him…

You shake your head at him. ‘I want to go, but… there’s something important missing. I don’t know if you know much about Ishvalan marriage ceremonies, but the most important part of them is family. Not just the bride and groom, but the extended family, too. Fathers, mothers, siblings… but Scar and I have both lost ours. That’s why I’m glad Scar’s master is the one performing the ceremony; he’s a like a second father to him. I don’t have anyone like that. I wasn’t tutored by monks. I don’t have a teacher or a master. Right now, you’re the closest thing I have to family, not including Scar. That’s why I’d like you to come with us tonight. After witnessing the loss of so many Ishvalan families, I’d like you to witness the creation of one. Please, Tim, will you stand as my family tonight?’ It looks like he’s about to cry, your words clearly impactful. Does that mean…?

To your surprise, Marcoh shakes his head. ‘I can’t do that. I couldn’t. It would be beyond disrespectful of me to attend after every thing I’ve done. For all you know, some of the people I killed could have been your family, or the stone I created could have been the weapon used to butcher them. As much as I’d love to watch you marry the love of your life, and as much as I see you as the daughter I desperately wanted but never had, I fear that my being there would be an insult to you, Scar, your child, and your God. I’m sorry, but that’s my decision.’ He returns to his seat on the floor, and refuses to look at you.

His rejection stings at your very core. You had honestly thought… why would he do anything to help you, but he won’t come with you for a few moments to watch you marry? It doesn’t make sense. Why is one thing so much worse than the other? Does he see dealing with medical matters as his duty, but spiritual matters as something he has no right to meddle in because of his past? If you truly held no trust towards the man, you never would have asked him to examine you like you did. You’ve have rather died than let him help you. Can he not understand that if you trust him in that, you’d trust him in this? That if you want him involved in one, he’s allowed to involve himself in the other?

Sighing in disappointment, you fight back yet more tears; you don’t want Scar to think you’re upset about marrying him. ‘Very well. I think your decision is the wrong one, but I’ll accept it. I’d like to ask you a question though, Doctor Marcoh; is doing something to make someone else happy really that insulting? I asked you out of selfishness, because I didn’t want to stand alone as I committed myself to another. I just wanted… to be…’ you start crying again, this time earnestly. ‘I can’t bring them back. No tears will ever bring them back to me. But then… guilt won’t bring them back either. And you know? If they were looking at us right now, they’d hate you. Not because you killed them, but because… because you made their little girl cry by wallowing in your own self-pity on her wedding day… night… so I’ll go it alone, but only because I respect you too much to force you to do something you hate. Even if it means you get to hide behind your self-pity like you always do, and even if I means I’ll have to go out there, and lie to Scar that I’m crying because of hormones and then he’ll ask what hormones and I’ll have to lie and tell him I’m bleeding or something and I… but it’s fine. It’s all fine. Sorry to bother you.’ You storm out of his tent, not bothering to look back.

As you make to meet Scar, you feel thoroughly embarrassed; what was THAT, and where did it come from?! You were only going to tell him that you’re sorry he feels that way, but you want him there regardless. Where did all of that stuff about selfishness and your parents hating him come from?! That last part about hormones must be more on the nose than you’d realised when you said all of that; your tiny Ishvalan must be really mad at Marcoh for some reason! Or it’s just your body changing to accommodate it… either way, hormones seem like a likely explanation. 

As you approach Scar, he clocks sight of you immediately, smiling a little, but it fades the moment he registers your tear-stained eyes, and the fact that Marcoh is nowhere to be seen. 

When you reach him, you pull him straight into a hug, and he returns it, softly stroking your back as you sob a little into his chest. 

He keeps stroking as he speaks softly, his voice barely audible over your crying. ‘I can speak to him. Convince him to come.’ You don’t like the sound of that. Scar’s idea of ‘convincing’ probably involves punching Marcoh until he agrees. At least Scar doesn’t know you’re pregnant yet; then he’d be tearing off chunks of flesh.

Your voice is muffled by Scar’s clothing, so you hope he can hear you. ‘You don’t… you don’t h-have to. I was so… so horrible to him when he said no that I bet he ha-ha-hates me! We should just g-go.’ How much time do you have left? A good thirty minutes or so? Still, better to arrive early than miss your chance…

Scar holds you tighter. ‘I can’t marry you if you can’t talk. We have time. Cry it out.’ So you do. You cry out all you can, because you don’t want to be in tears for the actual ceremony.

You’re crying so much that you fail to notice footsteps approaching behind you. 

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Marcoh dies tonight, research be damned. How could he upset her so badly, make her sob moments before her wedding? Scar must have misjudged the man greatly…

‘No you haven’t,’ Oh great, it’s his mind talking again. Sometimes it should stay quiet… ‘You don’t know what he said. His reason for not coming could be perfectly valid. You know full well how he struggles with his guilt. The last thing he wants is to attend an Ishvalan wedding after what he’s done! She’s probably more upset with herself for even asking him. Besides, she’s probably just having a moment. Pregnant women aren’t exactly known for their emotional stability…’ he’ll reprimand his mind for that last comment later, but for now, he’ll chalk it up as further evidence in favour of her being pregnant, rather than dying. 

As her sobbing continues, he makes a note to confront Marcoh first thing for answers. Not about her health, but about his reasoning. Even if he does have his reasons, he’s either denied a dying woman one of her final wishes, or made a pregnant woman sob. Either way, it’s not a nice thing he’s done here, and Scar will see him apologise to her!

No sooner than he’s thought that, he notices someone approach him and his wife-to-be; it’s Doctor Marcoh.

Marcoh seems to be nervous, toying with the bottom of his shirt. He clears his throat when he thinks he’s close enough, causing the woman in Scar’s arms to flinch slightly.

Marcoh’s tome makes him sound like a naughty child. ‘If I may, I’d like a moment with the bride.’ What, so he can break her heart a second time? No, he can’t have any more time with her. Hasn’t he made her cry enough?

To Scar’s surprise, his lover slips out of his arms, wiping some of her tears away with her hands. ‘I’ll be two minutes at most. Then we can see about getting married, okay?’ Okay is such a weak word to describe the situation, but he won’t correct her; he just nods instead.

As she goes off to have a quiet word with Marcoh, Scar begins to think about the next three months.

All he knows is that in three month’s time, he’ll be in Central, trying to foil the homunculi plot. But what about his wife? When he’s there, where will she be? Is there anywhere in the country he can leave her that will guarantee her safety?

He takes a moment to think about that. If the homunculi plan to make everyone in Amestris a sacrifice, she’ll die if he fails no matter what. She won’t be safe wherever she is. As much as he plans to succeed, if something goes wrong, he can’t stand the thought of her dying. Even if by some miracle the circle gets reversed upon activation (something that seems completely unlikely), while her life might be spared, what of the child? If the thought of losing her cuts him to his core, then the thought of losing his firstborn…

She can’t remain here. At first chance, he needs to send her away, even if he has to have Marcoh drag her away from him. He can’t risk either of them dying. He’ll give it two months, and if he still doesn’t have a way to get her out of Amestris, he actually will force Marcoh to do it. 

Speaking of the two of them, they return, both of them in tears. He’s about to ask what’s wrong, when she cuts him off. ‘Marcoh has agreed to come. We can go whenever you’re ready.’ Marcoh is just behind her, eyeing Scar cautiously. Perhaps he knows how angry he was with him a few moments ago…

Still, Scar nods. ‘Very well. Follow me.’ He heads off towards the clearing, walking slower than usual so his bride can keep pace. Practice for what is to come…

And for what is to be his final moment of true peace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, thoughts?
> 
> The wedding itself will be the next chapter. The ceremony itself will be based on a Hindu wedding, but with a few alterations. I hope this doesn’t bother anyone.
> 
> Anyhow, thank you for reading, and I hope to see you all again in the future ^.^

**Author's Note:**

> So, did you enjoy it? Be sure to let me know if you did. I accept both praise and constructive criticism ;) (just don't be too mean. I'm still fairly new to writing, after all. It's been but a few months) :O
> 
> I've been rather apprehensive about writing it, as I know it's not a popular ship (to my knowledge)… ah well. I shall provide the niche o.O
> 
> Hope to see you soon :3


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